20 First Date Rules

first date advice, first online date, online dating advice, meaning of an open relationship, traits of an alpha male

I’ve updated the rules just a little.  Here they are in their entirety.  I’ve slept with a hell of a lot of women following these rules (and others), so believe me they work.  If you follow all 20 of these rules, your sexual results will dramatically improve.  They are not listed in any particular order.

These are rules for men whose objective is to get to sex as fast as possible.  If you’re “screening” for a wife or GF, trying to be a “gentleman”, trying to “play it cool”, trying to “be natural”, or any other things like that, I can’t help you. I help guys get laid, not help guys waste time or act like it’s still the 1950’s.

Note: The term “first date” is used loosely here. It can apply to an actual first date or a “first meet” or even a day2 meetup.

20 First Date Rules For Men

1. Never compliment her appearance. Even if she asks.

2. Avoid saying anything unless it’s a quick DHV or a question.

3. Let her do most of the talking.  Shut up.

4. Avoid “job interview” questions.  (“What do you do for a living?”, “What are your kids / parents like?”, “What do you like to do for fun?”)  If you absolutely must ask some, keep them infrequent and spread them out over the entire conversation.

5. Never lie.  Avoid directly answering questions if you must, but don’t state untruths.

6. Never discuss any of your past relationships or sexual experiences.  If she directly asks, give her two or three generic sentences then re-direct back to her with a question.  Getting her to discuss her past relationships or sexual experiences is not only okay, but a really good idea.

7. Make sure she laughs, even lightly, at least once every few minutes.

8. Relax and lean back.

9. Never give a shit about how a date will end up, or even if you ever see her again.  (Outcome Independence.)

10. Never kiss a woman on a first date unless it’s VERY obvious you’re going to quickly be having sex on the first date.  Touch her sensually, but do not kiss.

11. Avoid spending more than 15 dollars. Zero dollars is optimal.  Spending money is for women you’re already having sex with, not first dates.  (Note: Women over age 33 will hate this rule and take great offense to it.)

12. Maintain good eye contact.

13. Smile. Never try to act “cool”. Act relaxed instead.

14. Have two interesting, funny, DHV-filled stories from your life memorized and ready to deliver in case she’s not a talker.

15. Touch her often.  Touch her hands, arms, upper back, and if you can get away with it (and usually you can if you’re doing things right), her thighs, hair, jewelry, and face.  Remember, don’t kiss her unless it’s very obvious she’s down for sex right now.

16. Be sexual. Talk about sex. Get her to talk about sex.

17. Ignore all the advice you’ve ever heard about “negging”.  Issuing “negs” is only helpful if she’s unusually hot, like a 10 or a high 9.  Teasing and sarcasm are perfectly okay.

18. Arrive five minutes after she does.

19. Dress well.

20. Pay the tab.  Remember, you’re only spending 15 dollars at most so who cares?  Even if she goes for her wallet, tell her to put it away and pay the entire bill yourself.  Only let her pay if she insists after you do this.

A few quick notes about these rules.  If you’re already very good at quickly laying new women, some of these rules may not apply to you and you’re welcome to make exceptions whenever you like.  If you’re a beginner or intermediate, you should stick with them as best you can until you get good.

These rules are within the context of the system I use and teach, which is one very fast, very inexpensive 60-minute first date, followed shortly after by a second date where you have sex.  Under this system, the average amount of face-time with a woman before I have sex with her is four hours from meet to lay.  If you want more details on exactly how to do this, go here.

If all you do is constantly try to fuck women on the first date (not a system I use or endorse but to each their own), some of these rules won’t make sense.  On the opposite extreme, if you’re into AFC-like long expensive first dates, you really need to re-think your system.

If you haven’t been using these 20 rules, try them out on your next first date/meet.  I think you’ll be very pleased at the results.


Please comment and contribute to the discussion, but be sure to follow our rules

  1. Snow says

    Couple additions:

    I will not kiss someone just for the sake of kissing them. I will kiss them to build comfort, to make myself more memorable, but again, I will not kiss unless I know they are coming back to my place

    Once they are at my place, I couldn’t care less. Their shirt is probably coming off, I am probably getting to have a bit of fun with them…but if they say no sex, that’s okay. I’ve probably moved faster than most men ever have with them before…so I can always pick up from a later point once they leave.

    I’m in college, and I won’t spend any money on her if she orders something more than 5 bucks. She has enough orbiters…that’s not me. I will only pay for her if the convenience factor of NOT splitting a tab is less than the monetary value.

    And you’re spot on about the sex talk: Never use specific instances and lovers. Speaking in generalities IS good though:

    “I really love when you meet a sexual person, someone who’s just so comfortable you can just take them and….”

    But again, don’t ever bring up specifics or verbalize anything along the lines of “Well, if you and I had sex…” 😛 Ask how I know.

    Solid advice!

    Q for BD:

    What topics do you talk about?

  2. says

    “Q for BD:

    What topics do you talk about?”

    I usually start in by talking about her work or school, then move the topic to her most recent guy relationships as soon as I can. From there I segue into sexual stuff and I’m kinoing. By then my hour is up and I’m outta there an on to the next chick or work appointment. I’ll then have the 2nd date a few days later, push for sex as hard as I can, and usually get it.

  3. says

    Never ever shake a woman’s hand on a date. Bad. I’m not a touchy-feely guy so on a first date I usually do nothing physical when greeting her. On a second date I might hug or touch her arm. Many guys hug on the first/second date and I think that’s fine if that’s congruent with who you are.

  4. DaviT says

    Great post, man, I just recently came to know your system and I must say, you’re dead-on on every topic I’ve just read. Great stuff indeed. I do have some things I would like to add or discuss.

    First of all, I’ve realized that guys in latin countries like me, tend to be more touchy-feely and I Must say, as an active Game practitioner for 3 very productive years, it has done nothing more than benefit me. Perhaps that’s the reason why the whole “latin-lover douche” is kind of a protagonist on their fantasies, LOL….I never….EVER IN MY LIFE just shake a girl’s hand on ANY situation (perhaps when I’m doing some sort of childish game). If she pulls up her hand expecting us to greet like that, I take it and very gently but naturally pull her, and not even making eye contact, just expose my cheek expecting her to kiss it. Hell, I even grab her shoulder or back and pull her towards me. Just like that. I even do this when meeting my friends’ moms. This creates a lot of familiarity right off the bat. The only women I don’t do this with are those who are on a higher hierarchy regarding my work (teachers, specialists, etc…). Protocolary kissing in the cheek is just how you treat equals of the opposite sex (Hell, in Argentina and southern countries of South America and Italy its just as natural to kiss a guy’s cheek if you’re a dude when you’re greeting…..sure, not western-men’s style, but just to show). Just go ahead and kiss her on the cheek. If you just shake their hand or greet them NOT TOUCHING but waving your hand, you’re just indicating there’s something wrong in doing so, which is completely preposterous. There is NOTHING wrong with it. Just do it like you do it 147 times a day. Like its really VERY natural for you, or anyone, to do it. If you make it a big deal THEY will make it a big deal. Period.

    I don’t actually see anything wrong on kissing a girl on the first date. I mean, regarding the time it takes for you to sleep with her….well, I feel it actually accelerates the process…seriously. I don’t usually sleep with them on the first date. Tried it, but not always very successfully. But I’ve had consistent love-making for the past year with my Game, and I haven’t yet noticed a HUUGEE difference between the meet-to-fuck period if you kiss her on the first date or you don’t. Regarding specifics, you must make sure the kiss is NOT at the end of the date like some cheesy-corny-romantic comedy crap. Instead, you have to build it. Create a lot of sexual tension in the air (such as talking sexually-playfully [not like some horny desperate loser], touching a lot and STRONG eye contact, even having strong silent moments where you stare at her eyes and very slowly smiling devilishly 😉 ). Those awkward silences don’t have to be so awkward after all, go figure. And when she least expects it, it can be at the middle, can be 20 minutes after you meet her, or, actually at the very greeting!! (only did it once, but worked-out pretty well :D), just stop whatever you’re doing or discussing (preferably if walking on some aisle or street) and literally STOP, turn to her and grab her. This will create a sort of short circuit on her. You just interrupted the pattern of emotionally filled conversation and comfort and suddenly, with a playful smile on your face, you make strong eye contact, say something short and to the point like “can you hold a secret?”, or “Oh God I can’t stand it anymore” or better yet “Oh My God…what are you doing?? (with a very surprised face :O) you naughty NAUGHTY WOMAN!” (as if you were the victim, although you’re clearly the horn dog 😉 ) and kiss her. Doesn’t matter if she can actually hold a secret or not. That is irrelevant. It just creates a beautiful and convenient state of confusion :D. I have done this DOZENS of times. Works like a charm. That last part is key: unpredictability. By following these steps, she will be feeling that you’re in control. You’re the man. You’re the one saying what is to be done and what isn’t. She won’t have a choice but stand in awe and be at the expectative of anything you’re about to do, naturally, in a very open-minded and receptive way. Women WANT to feel like they surrender to a greater power than their’s and that they are living one of the fantasies they read about on novels or watch on tv. When she is on THIS state of mind, that is, a receptiveness to whatever you do because you showed her YOU ARE CAPABLE OF BEING THE LEADER, then you can both leave and meet for a 2nd or 3rd date, on which, if you keep behaving like you did on the 1st one, then its really NO BIG DEAL taking her to bed.

    Third, regarding punctuality, well, it depends on the social context you’re in. In Germany, people are freakishly punctual, and get VERY upset if you aren’t. Yes, people includes women as well (insert funny joke here). It’s just how it is over there, and sincerely, its no big deal. Its better to adapt. In my homecountry, Colombia, on the other side, being STUPIDLY UNPUNCTUAL is kind of the Rule for girls here, LOL. Seriously, chicks can just cancel plans at the very last moment, for no freaking reason at all! Very frustrating indeed, but you have to learn to cope with it or you simply won’t get a lay if you take it too personally. You can feel that if you’re waiting for her for 2 hours before she gets there, then that will be translated as neediness, and if you arrive 2 hours later than what agreed, then that is waayyy to aloof and inconsiderate. If you want to be very strict about an appropriate time lapse for your arrival to a date, relative to the agreed time, then I would say +/-10 to 15 minutes. Remember, my favorite line in history: if you make it A BIG DEAL when she arrives late or you arrive late, then IT WILL BECOME A BIG DEAL. If you don’t, then it won’t. Just remember the social context part I wrote at the beginning. If she’s too upset about it, quickly change the subject, don’t give it any transcendence (because it is just NOT that important) and give her all of your manly charm ;). She WILL get over it quickly. I pinky-swear. That doesn’t mean that you can go: “Oh well, I don’t actually have a life :D, so whatevs if she cancels on me for any arbitrary reason, if there is one at all! LOL!”. The idea is to create so much fascination on her that she doesn’t even ponder on the thought of canceling. That clearly depends on your Game when you first meet her and your Text game (this last one is quite frankly, your best freaking tool, seriously.). But if she does, it’s not okay to show you’re butt-hurt, but it is very important for you to bust her balls if she does, playfully, and get over it with the cutie right beside you on the coffe place you’re now standing ;). If she keeps on it, be a man and stand up for yourself, telling her how it is getting old and its quite disrespectful. That is also attractive; having convictions and setting clear boundaries on her.

    Another great thing to do is: stop calling it a “date”. That term just makes it sound like that social convention people had decades ago of a guy inviting a girl to dinner, paying for everything like a chump, and expecting her to fuck him, just for being SO NICE!. Thats a load of bull. Instead call it a “hang out” or whatever other silly name you can come up with. Leaves all the protocolary crap aside and that way they don’t feel the pressure of not knowing how they are supposed to act.

    Your posts are a GREAT read, dude, I shall be coming here more often, for I agree with 100% of the things you say, with my little personal tweaks on the subject. Great job man, keep the good stuff coming up! Have a great day!

  5. Charisma says

    Thanks Blackdragon and DaviT. You have both written excellent advice here. This should help a ‘noobie’ such as myself! Cheers.

  6. Kfin says

    Don’t ever listen to a man for advice on how to treat a women.
    Biggest wrong: talk about sex. My friends and I would not be on a second date with you. Looks like that is all you are interested in!!!

  7. says

    If you were on a first date with a man you were very attracted to, I have a feeling you would have no problem with him talking about sex in a way you enjoyed.

  8. DaviT says

    Poor misinformed Kfin. And she even says it as if women weren’t interested at all in sex. Poor, poor Kfin. Oh well.

  9. Dominique says

    Well, some of the advice are ok but mostly this is crap. Ever read by a girl yet? Now, yes. And that’s not really good.

  10. Dominique says

    You’re probably right. It make sense that we don’t agree with your advice. It’s not like you’re trying to get girls… Oh, excuse me, you are!! You should listen to what women have to say about it.

  11. Tulio says

    A major sticking point for me is that I get stuck in polite conversation on a date and then have no idea how to turn it sexual. Sometimes a girl acts overtly flirty right out the gate and you can get sexual with these girls quick because they have a sexual vibe. But for girls with a more reserved demeanor, you have to build comfort with them first. But in that comfort-building conversation you can easily get stuck there and then turning sexual will feel out of place and could even weird her out. Any strategies here?

  12. Sam says

    BD, I discovered your blog just now in my effort to solve a problem I have faced several times until now; in 5 months I went to 8 dates with women I cold approached and took their number within 5 minutes. After a 45-minute first date I led each one of them to my place (which by the way is 25km away from the place I met them). I manage to make out, touch them on or under their clothes and get their top off, but I get last minute resistance. I drop the ball after 40 minutes of effort and then I don’t get a second date. When I try to call them, they just don’t pick up. What do you make out of this? What is my mistake? Do they somehow have second thoughts later?

  13. BlackdragonBlackdragon says

    Your problems are precisely why I don’t endorse a one-date system. I use a two-date system (but only grand total 3-4 hours of face time). Do some more reading around this blog and my ebooks for more information.

  14. Trainer says

    Avoid spending more than 15 dollars. Zero dollars is optimal.

    How many Zero dollars first dates have you been on? Where do you do your first dates?

  15. BlackdragonBlackdragon says

    How many Zero dollars first dates have you been on?

    About 30% of my first dates cost me zero dollars. The number of first dates I’ve been on over the last several years numbers well into the triple digits, so I guess do the math.

    Where do you do your first dates?

    Usually either a cool bar, nice coffee shop, fancy self-serve deli, or mall food court, in about that order of frequency.

  16. Trainer says

    cool bar, nice coffee shop.. those aren’t free. Can you give some tips on free dates?

  17. BlackdragonBlackdragon says

    True, a cool bar isn’t free, but it’s often just around $12 or so; that’s one drink for you and one for her. That’s pretty close to free.

    Coffee shops are indeed free. I’ve had tons of Starbucks first dates where the woman and I just sit and talk for an hour, and simply never bother to get up to get anything. When they see I’m not eating or drinking anything, they’ll even say, “I don’t need anything”.

  18. Tom says

    I really think rule 1 should be, “Acknowledge her full humanity: she is a person not a piece of meat for you to put your dick in”

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