Edit/Update: Since writing this article many years ago, I have updated the terms to Beta, Alpha Male 1.0, and Alpha Male 2.0, described here. These are more accurate than “Needy Alpha,” for example.
I get a lot of questions regarding the different types of guys (Alpha, Needy Alpha, etc). I have a glossary and I know that helps, but enough of you have either asked about it, or have disagreed with me primarily because you didn’t understand the definitions.
In this post I’ll tackle the three types of men. In a near future post I’ll talk about the three types of women.
I’ve talked about all three of these male types quite a bit, but here’s exactly how they work and how they differ from each other.
Alpha – An Alpha is a man who is confident and outcome independent. He is strong, tough, confident, masculine, and a happy guy. He desires no control over others in his life…he’s way too busy and motivated with his own stuff to concern himself with that. The woman (or women) in his life are welcome to do pretty much whatever they like…other than yell at him or give him drama, which would disrupt his happiness. He is almost always happy and upbeat despite his extreme masculine nature.
Women are extremely attracted to Alphas, though they do LSNFTE them often when their desire for monogamy, providership, or ass-kissing grows too strong.
Needy Alpha – The Needy Alpha is the standard (i.e. old) definition of “Alpha Male”. He is confident but very outcome dependent. Like an Alpha, he’s masculine, tough, very confident, and cool. However due to his strong outcome dependence he is jealous, controlling, domineering, and usually quick to anger. If things are going great, he’s a happy guy just like an Alpha. But if the woman in his life doesn’t follow his needy program, he’s enraged. “How dare she disrespect me!!!” Immediately he starts barking orders, making rules, and getting into fights (verbal or otherwise). This is the guy who forces his wife/GF to take men off her phone and Facebook and attempts to control her life with an iron fist.
Women are extremely attracted to Needy Alphas just like they are to Alphas. However over time the Needy Alpha’s bullshit starts to wear on a woman, inducing her to give him massive amounts of drama. Unless she’s extremely submissive she’ll soon leave him (forever, not a LSNFTE) and/or cheat on him.
Beta – Betas are men who are neither confident nor outcome independent. They’re the “nice guys”. They’re submissive, passive, careful, sweet, clingy, needy, high-drama, get oneitis fast and fall in love fast. They range from not successful with women at all to somewhat successful. When they get a girlfriend, they cling to her like there’s no tomorrow. Unlike the Alpha or Needy Alpha, the girlfriend or wife controls him. She snaps her fingers, or threatens to leave, and he responds with a “Yes, dear!” or “Okay okay!” or “Please don’t leave me! I’ll promise I won’t do it again!” and then takes out the trash like a good little boy. Betas tend to have high-drama relationships like Needy Alphas.
There are two kinds of betas: the “resigned beta” and the “whiny beta”. The “resigned beta” tends to have lower-drama relationships because he happily and willingly accepts a woman’s authority over him. He still lives in a prison, and still complains about it occasionally, but he kinda likes his prison. The “whiny beta” also accepts a woman’s control, but he hates it, and he whines, complains, fights, and argues with her constantly. He’s still a beta though. He still obeys. “I have to! She might leave me! You don’t understand!”
Women are not attracted to betas for obvious reasons, with one significant exception I’ll get to in a minute. Instead, women “settle” for betas when they realize the Alphas won’t follow their orders and/or when dating the Needy Alphas becomes too much work. Women can also “retreat” to betas when the Alphas or Needy Alphas piss them off or hurt their feelings. However even when a woman is with a beta, even if she’s married to a beta, she might love him, but she won’t be attracted to him. Not like she would an Alpha.
When women do purposely seek out betas is when they’re in provider-hunting mode. Then, and only then, does a woman want a beta. She wants a guy who will buy her things, follow her orders, move her into his house, pay her bills, give her babies, and support her family. Until she gets bored in a few years and leaves him (or cheats on him) of course, which is what usually happens when women end up with betas, but that’s another topic.
Here’s some real-life examples to further distinguish these three types of men from each other.
Woman says, “I think it’s time we should see other people.”
- Beta response: “Baby I’m sorry. Really. I promise I won’t do that again. Give me one more chance. I love you and I don’t want you to leave.”
- Needy Alpha response: “WTF? Why? Are you seeing someone else? Who the fuck is this guy? Don’t be a bitch. We need to discuss this. I’m going to call you in a few minutes and you’d better pick up when I call.”
- Alpha response: “Ok. Have fun!”
Woman posts a pic on her Facebook page of her and a cute guy and says “Hangin’ with my good friend Dan!”
- Beta response: “Wish I was there with you!”
- Needy Alpha response: “Who the fuck is Dan? Take that picture of you and him off your Facebook right now. I don’t want to see pictures of you and other guys like that. Don’t ever disrespect me like that ever again. “
- Alpha response: None. He completely ignores the entire thing.
Woman says, “You said you’d be here at six o’clock! It’s six fifteen! I’ve been waiting here forever looking like a fool! I can’t believe you would be this rude! <drama, drama, drama>”
- Beta response: “Okay, okay! I’m sorry! Shit, I said I’m sorry!”
- Needy Alpha response: “I had to work! How the hell do you think I pay my bills? By sitting on my ass all day? My boss needed me so I had to stay! Jesus Christ it was only fifteen minutes! God damn! <drama, drama, drama>”
- Alpha response: <big smile> “You’re so cute. I like how your eyes flutter when you get pissed. Do you want to get pepperoni pizza or Hawaiian?”
Woman says, “I’m going out Thursday with my girlfriends.”
- Beta response: “Can I come???”
- Needy Alpha response: “Who’s going with you? Are they all girls? Where are you going? The club? Why are you going there? I don’t want you going to a club. And your friend Stacy’s a bitch. I don’t want you hanging out with her either.”
- Alpha response: “Cool. Have fun!”
Lastly, the traits I’m discussing here are pretty much all-inclusive. Way too often people say things to me like “Oh, he can’t be an Alpha. He’s too dumb.” Or “He’s not a beta. He owns his own business and makes six figures.” Or “He’s not a Needy Alpha! He’s a cool guy.” All wrong. Alphas can be stupid, brutish, ugly, or uneducated. Full-on beta males can be financially successful or business owners or wealthy (I work with lots of men like this). Needy Alphas can be very nice, polite and/or charismatic. That doesn’t mean they aren’t what they are. I’ll review it quickly: Alphas are confident and outcome independent, Needy Alphas are confident and not outcome independent, and betas are neither confident nor outcome independent.
So there you go. The three types of dudes. In my (not so) humble opinion, it should be every man’s goal to reach Alpha state, or at least get as close to Alpha as possible. It is Alphas who are the most consistently happy of all men. Needy Alphas and betas go through periods of happiness followed by periods of anger, sadness, frustration, or loneliness. It’s a very up-and-down, back-and-forth way to live. Not good. (Unless you like that sort of thing.)
In my next post, I’ll shall continue to open cans of worms by describing the three types of women. Ohhhhhhh boy…