Six Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Compliment A Woman’s Appearance

first date advice, first online date, online dating advice, meaning of an open relationship, traits of an alpha male

I have given this first date advice many times and in many ways: Don’t compliment women’s appearance. 

No matter how tempted you are, no matter how hot she is, no matter how much you think she likes you, and no matter how smoothly or Alpha you think you can pull it off, don’t compliment a woman’s appearance prior to sex. If you’ve been having sex with her for six months, then fine. I’m talking about the dating and seduction phases.

Every time I give that dating advice, I get a bunch of guys giving me excuses about how it’s okay to do it as long as you don’t do it too much. Or too much like a beta. Or with an confident frame. Or something.


I will quote the above linked blog post about the proof that complimenting a woman’s appearance will reduce your odds of a lay:

If you don’t believe me, go sarge up 20 women, tell them how hot/beautiful they are before you fuck them.  Then sarge up a second 20, and don’t compliment their appearance at all.  You will find you will get better results (and more quickly) from the second group than from the first group.

Go do that experiment, and then come back and tell me it’s okay to tell women they’re hot as long as you do it “confidently” or whatever.

Heartiste recently made a blog post right here giving the exact same advice. Good. Nice to see others have figured this out.

A few quotes from his post:

Never compliment a girl on her looks, especially not a girl you aren’t fucking.


It will help you acquire the right frame of mind to stop using the words hot, cute, gorgeous, or beautiful to describe girls who turn you on.

He even repeats it:

As stated above, never compliment beautiful women on their looks

He goes on to give some tips on how to convey attraction without commenting on a woman’s looks. I’m going to reinforce why refraining from complimenting appearance will help you.

Here are the top six reasons:

1. You’re not telling her anything she doesn’t already know. Hot chicks are fully aware they’re hot by the time they’re about 15 years old. It’s not news to them. Telling a hot chick she’s hot is like telling her the sky is blue or that there’s oxygen in the air. It just makes you look “very normal”, if not a little dumb.

2. Hundreds, if not thousands of men have already told her this. If you tell her this too, you’re just adding yourself to the pile of all the other guys she’s politely brushed off. You are in no way unique.

3. It’s not a compliment. That’s right. Telling her she’s hot or sexy or beautiful or whatever is not giving her a compliment. It’s like walking up to a multimillionaire and saying “You have a lot of money.” Trust me, that millionaire will in no way feel complimented. He’ll just assume you’re awkward. And he’ll be right.

Now yes, because of Societal Programming, a hot chick will be obligated to say something back like “Oh, thank you!”, but that doesn’t mean shit. If you’ve ever dated a really hot chick and watched other guys tell her how attractive she is, even good looking guys who said it smoothly, I’m sure you got a full commentary from her regarding the lack of quality these men were displaying, even if she was demonstrating gratitude for their compliments.

I’m not saying women don’t like men kissing their asses. They certainly do. I’m saying hearing from men something they already know and have heard a thousand times is not a compliment. If you just can’t control yourself and must compliment her, tell her she’s smart or interesting or unique, not beautiful.

4. It reduces your odds of a lay. This is unquestionable. Try the “20 woman experiment” above and track your results if you don’t believe me. By not complimenting a woman’s appearance, your odds of a lay go up. The speed of the lay also goes up. Moreover, the hotter she is, the more important it is to not say anything about it.

5. It damages your Alpha standing in her eyes. Even if you’re a cool, attractive guy, the simple act of telling a hot chick she’s hot will take you down a notch in her mental assessment of your sexual worthiness.

I didn’t say if she’s totally into you she’ll be suddenly turned off if you mention she’s attractive. If you’ve already scored 87 points on her 0-100 scale, telling her she’s hot won’t drop you the entire 87, but it will drop you down to 83 or 77 or 75.

Why do this? Why take the chance? Why make this harder on yourself?

“Well, I like telling women they’re beautiful. It makes me feel more natural and human. It makes the interaction more organic.”

Okay, fine. But can’t you wait until you’ve had sex with her a few times before you tell her she’s sexy or has nice tits? Is it really that difficult?

6. It damages your Outcome Independence, whether you realize it or not. This is the biggest internal reason why you shouldn’t do this. By telling a hot woman she’s hot, you have mentally placed her on a pedestal in your own mind at least a little bit. You’re going to want her just a little more now. Your Outcome Independence will have taken a hit. At least a small one. Not good.

Next time you’re with some Hot Chick™, remember this article.

Just don’t do it.

You’ll thank me in the morning.


Please comment and contribute to the discussion, but be sure to follow our rules

  1. says

    And yet I personally know men getting laid by 9s doing the exact opposite of this advice.

    The kicker? It only works if you are higher value than her, and she knows it. In this circumstance complimenting her with a strong, masculine, confident frame (sparingly), owning your sexual intent, will actually reduce her to a blushing mess. Seen it with my own eyes.

    If you are equal, or lower value than the girl (or at least in her [probably warped] perception), then apply all of the above advice. Obviously, the hotter the girl, the more often this is going to be true. So unless you’re Captain Awesome, it’s best to err on the side of caution for any girl over an 8.5, and keep your mouth shut.

  2. Oxyjinn says

    You’ve got a point but:
    1. Not everyone is Captain Awesome.
    2. Even if you’re Captain America, the reality (99% of the time) is in the middle paragraph of reason #3.

  3. says

    Maybe this is why you have trouble laying women over 33. Just sayin… If someone is sure they are the hottest thing on the planet maybe telling them they are attractive is redundant but a lot of women still need to hear that.

    Me, I am very reluctant to get in bed with someone if I am not SURE of their attraction to me, so I pretty much need to hear on some level that they think I am hot/sexy/beautiful.

    That said, there are ways to come off as lame, and ways to do it right. When guys act all in awe and say “you’re beautiful” then it makes them look beneath you. When a guy says it in a way that implies he is giving you his stamp of approval it is different. So an attitude of “wow, you are so beautiful” is bad but a more “yes, you are hot/sexy/beautiful to me” is good.

  4. maldek says

    Great arguments!

    I couldnt keep my tongue in check until I started to play texas hold’em live poker.
    Loosing money due to my mouth or body language really sucked. Same applies to ruined dates.

    If a man has to use words to prove you his attraction there is something wrong.

  5. says

    Maybe this is why you have trouble laying women over 33.

    So women over 33 must be told they’re pretty while women under 33 don’t?

    You realize that, as usual, your comments tend to prove my points rather than oppose them.

  6. says

    Oh absolutely, I agree. I was just trying to make a point that this doesn’t universally apply, but is great advice for 95% of the time.

    PS I’ll be Captain Awesome one day…

  7. Ryan says


    You’re correct, though I also think BD is correct when he says your “score” is reduced through the compliment. It’s just that when a guy is, as you say, Captain Awesome, his score is already so high that it doesn’t matter.

  8. says

    @BD- I’m saying that as women get older they are surrounded with the message that this makes them less attractive so they are going to tend to be more receptive to compliments and less likely to want to hop in bed with a guy who they aren’t 100% sure finds them beautiful.

    In the past couple of years I’m pretty sure I haven’t slept with anyone who hasn’t expressed to me that he found me attractive, in words, first. Well, barring the swinger party group sex scenario. I don’t know that I heard it from those guys.

    I’d be really reluctant to take my clothes off for someone I felt was on the fence or hadn’t told me he thought I was hot. Now, that doesn’t mean that I am likely to respond to the countless guys that just say “wow, your beautiful” because that’s lame. So like I said above, you have to be coming at it from a better frame and more like you are giving your approval than that you are in awe of her.

  9. AnotherDragon says

    Meh. Is this a cultural thing? I don’t recognize the frame at all.

    Where I’m from girls/women generally do not get genuine compliments/hear that they are beautiful very much at all UNLESS it is via online means (Facebook, online dating, MSN or similar) or from someone in a nightclub (i.e. alcholhol involved).

    My experience is that it is very rare for a woman to receive such a compliment from someone sober, in a daytime IRL setting.

    So the random woman to me doesn’t necessarily know that she is beautiful, doesn’t hear this from a million (sober) guys (IRL). So she takes it as a compliment, and you will stand out as a rare man with some guts.

    Should be said I am generally not attracted to the type of girls that other consider 9’s or 10’s, I’m much more fond of the shy but cute librarian/girl next door type of girl. Maybe that makes a difference.

    @lifeofalovergirl – I’m not sure I see why a man would like to have sex with you if he was not attracted to you?

  10. Infantry says

    Men don’t need to put ‘I think you’re pretty’ into words. It should be blatantly apparant to the girl purely through his body language. Putting it into words is a red herring and I’d consider a girl asking for it as a ‘shit test’. There’s better ways to provide her comfort if necessary.

  11. Johnny Caustic says

    I guess this makes me one of the guys who make excuses, but I do think very specific compliments can be helpful for getting a girl who is not particularly pretty and not used to male attention, especially if she suspects I’m out of her league. (Why would a guy want to go for a girl like that? I found it was very useful when I was still getting comfortable with dating, when I was still too beta for the hot girls. Part of the growing process for a guy starting from the bottom.) For these girls, your points 1-3 don’t apply, and your point 5 is actually a plus because it makes me seem more accessible.

    For girls who are actually hot, of course I agree with you 100%.

  12. Tim says

    In general this is a good rule to follow. There are always odd situations, though. Here’s one:

    I was in a restaurant by myself and there was a girl sitting nearby by herself (we were the only two customers). I initiated conversation, and after she pretended not to be interested during my first two conversational threads, she eventually gave me more and I moved over to her table. She turned out to be a model who was not walking the runways this fashion season, which is an important anecdote, as you’ll see later on.

    At this point things were flying and she’s laughing and yada yada. 5-10 minutes later I ask her how old she is and she acts weirded out by the question. When she tells me that she’s 23, I respond, “Yeah I thought you were 23-24-25.” Bombs away! She immediately gets up and leaves the establishment, saying something like, “You asked me my age and then you insult me.”

    I had this girl practically eating out of my hand, and had I told her that she was pretty, I bet I could have banged her. Instead, I was playing it cool and casual and she thought I was insulting her. I attribute her reaction to her career as a model, where 25 is a breaking point for a lot of them, and since she wasn’t walking in the fashion shows, I triggered something with my age comment (which I didn’t think was any big deal, but to her it was and, well, that’s all that mattered).

  13. Jon says

    Um…Tim. You told a woman that she looked older than she really was. I don’t know many women that wouldn’t feel insulted by that. However, that doesn’t mean that complimenting her appearance wouldn’t have also ruined the attraction you had built. It could have worked something like this:

    1) She thinks your cool/interesting/attractive/whatever->Taboo Question about Age->Insult->she thinks you’re a dick.

    2) She likes you->Taboo Question about Age->tell her she’s hot->disappointment (“I though he was cool, but it turns out he’s just like all the other dorks who hit on me….”)

    3) She likes you->Taboo Question on Age->Appropriate Response->She likes you even more because of the social intelligence you displayed following a question that is normally considered off limits.

  14. says

    Zeus’s beard! Look at all the EXCUSES in these comments!

    Why don’t you guys just come clean and be honest and say “I WANT to tell women they’re hot, so I’m going to go out of my way to find reasons to do that.”

  15. Magnum says

    David DeAngelo has talked about this and when I first got ahold of his material in 2006 I stopped complimenting women on their looks altogether. I haven’t done it in 7 years and I don’t intend to again. That was my one biggest fault at the time, I’m even a physically attractive guy and until I knocked that retarded shit off I couldn’t get a girl to date me. I could not believe myself as I watched this advice work time and time again.

    It’s funny to watch Facebook and see all the AFC’s who drool all over hot women showering them with compliments. It’s like watching someone tie their own noose.

  16. GOB says

    I think it’s a basic principle, and it should be followed. It worked for me many times. Sometimes compliment worked, but mostly it was really hurting my game. Even after first sex. So, why do you want to hurt your own game? It’s like not using kino, because “it doesn’t feel okay at the first date”. Do you wanna be mr. nicey or get laid?
    I really hate, when guys in forums are telling that they can’t get women, and when you ask them, they don’t follow like half of the basic rules. Because “it doesn’t feel right”, or ‘it’s not me”, or other BS. Yeah if you are Brad Pitt’s and George Clooney’s lovechild, you can compliment, but even then it’s hurting your game, so wtf?

    As Magnum said, look at facebook, how much compliment they get! Or likes. So doing it before sex, 99% of the time you are just the same as those like-clicking beta puppy dogs.

  17. Rosss says

    This is a fantastic principle, especially for beginners. Though, as a couple other posters have noted, it can also work very well depending on the situation.

    The thing is, and this is where it can sever one’s chances with a girl, is that most guys say things like “you’re beautiful” as an automated response, which takes away the value of the compliment. However, if it’s rooted in something (your preferences in women, etc.) then it can be effective.

  18. dennis says

    Yeah I never compliment a woman on her looks even after I fucked her. On a first date she knows you’re attracted to her by the kino and sex talk. I had one woman tell me that I’m the only guy who never gave her compliments on her looks even after I had sex with her.

  19. randomanon says

    Everyone needs to hear they look sexy/hot/attractive. Of course hearing it during the initial stages of courting is pointless because clearly you’re physically attracted if you’re putting in the effort to engage in conversation and being flirtatious. Eventually once you get to know more about them and it then progresses to more than just that initial physical attraction.
    Now once things are in relationship status then it doesn’t hurt to reassure each other. I wouldn’t mind having him smack my ass and him telling me I’m a sexy beast once in a while just like I’d let him know that he is as well. It’s an en ego thing. We need to hear it to believe it sometimes.
    Of course his actions alone can reassure me but verbally hearing it would be arousing at least for me it would.
    About the person saying a woman having power/control over you. Umm really? I like to be in relationships where it’s equal and we treat each other with respect. I don’t want to be dominated unless it’s in bed. All I can say to someone with that type of thinking is:
    If you are more concerned about having more power in the relationship overall I strongly suggest you stay single until you actually understand how relationships should work.

  20. says

    Lmao @TIM.
    Basically insulted a woman, the biggest turn off possible.
    I guess you can do little jabs, playful jabs, but never actual insults.
    Also big no no is to be opinionated and not light-hearted.

    Additionally, in my culture asking a woman her age is insulting and shows a lack of education.

    Anyhow, completely agree with this article.
    Essentially, complimenting a woman’s looks in the dating period shows neediness which is the worst possible trait one could show.

  21. Jennifer says

    this is so true! compliments from a guy are a turn off and makes the guy seem ‘nice’ but boring. Girls want a challenge too!

  22. Awoman says

    It doesn’t matter how cool you act in front of her, if she’s not attracted to you she will never be attracted to you. If she is attracted to you, you will have to act either like a total pig or a spineless worm to get her to reject you. Women need compliments, even 10’s need to be reassured that she is attractive in her mans eyes.

  23. BlackdragonBlackdragon says

    You have to admit that if a guy is giving you compliments about how pretty you are, your attraction for him reduces, at least a little.

  24. Melissa Jones says

    I am sorry I ever insulted you by calling your compliments a socalled crime of sexual socalled hassling was inappropriate for us to do as women. We are sorry we ever made men criminals for complimenting our breasts,cleavage and rears. We are sorry Jesus for making one the biggest mistakes in human history when regrettably we had innocent men jailed for telling us our bodies and their parts are lovely.

  25. Mortimer says

    Sexual and “street” harassment are both lies from Satan, the Devil used the Satan loving womens movement to brainwash women even on the internet to harass,judge,persecute,etc. men because they told them their breasts are pretty,cleavage nice,etc. Its disrespectful to complain about strange men complimenting your appearance, its also rude for police to coerce men into making an insincere I am sorry apology for something as ridiculous,trivial,inoffensive as saying you rear and cleavage is lovely. Those who call compliments,whistling,grabbing,etc. hassling will be in eternal pain in hell. Why shouldn’t a man compliment a ladies appearance? What? Thats the stupidest thing you have ever said. Makes no sense. Very inappropriate the way women today react childishly when ever someone says something nice about their appearance of their bodies,cleavage,etc. Satan told America to cage men who compliment women deceived by the satanic femeanists.

  26. Kyle says

    Yeah, I avoid it. It sends off the wrong signals as if you have some type of complex where you’re intimidated by them & feel that they’re better than you. Attractive women don’t have sex with men who kiss their ass.

  27. AG says

    I agree with the majority of people on this. Your advice doesn’t hold, not even most of the time.

    I’m willing to bet that it does hold in SOME cases, but that’s not to say you should act this way across the board. Consider context, definitely have some self-respect and never stoop yourself to a woman’s feet and be yourself, and you should be fine.

    I believe it works some times, depending on the type of woman you’re talking to. Is she sexy and does she seem like she absolutely knows it? That would be a great instance to probably think about utilizing this advice. I can’t think of any cases outside of that context.

    IN SUM, any readers considering this advice should, in the end, use it judiciously.

  28. BlackdragonBlackdragon says

    Is she sexy and does she seem like she absolutely knows it? That would be a great instance to probably think about utilizing this advice. I can’t think of any cases outside of that context.

    Then if you truly believe that, do the 20 Woman Experiment and focus on women who are not “super sexy”, like 6s-7s. Then come back and tell me that telling 10 normal women in a row they were hot before you fucked them made no difference whatsoever in your results.

  29. Alan says

    I agree with almost everything that was said, other than the “player tone” of the article and one other important point that I believe BlackDragon did not state: No matter how “hot” a girl is, she most certainly will still be somewhat self-conscious about her looks. (There is a lot of competition out there, ie. models, etc). When you do not compliment her about her looks—in the dating/courting phase—you will persuade her to somewhat evaluate if she is good enough for you. In other words, if you are making her think “maybe I’m not that attractive after all” by not complimenting her about her looks, that works in your favor because the no-complimenting-strategy subtly plays on her insecurities, and hence brings down her self-esteem. And we can all agree about what girls with lower self-esteems are more prone to do?

  30. Buzz says

    OK you got me. I have a really bad habit of doing this and not a very good success rate. Why do we do this? There must be some reason because a lot of men do it. What can we do to remind ourselves to stop this? Some kind of tip, slogan to remember,
    something like your comment visualize me punching you in the face…

    OK here is my lame attempt at an excuse.
    On line dating. The woman is overweight but not a lot. She has humungus breasts (42DDD)something I like. She is crying in her profile that people should stop insulting her and just move on.

    So, I tell her I think she looks sexy, I like big breasts and you don’t really see them on skiny girls unless they are fake…

    We have a date planned, I will let you know…

  31. BlackdragonBlackdragon says

    I have a really bad habit of doing this and not a very good success rate.

    Of course.

    Why do we do this? There must be some reason because a lot of men do it.

    Habit and outdated biology, both of which are responsible for all kinds of stupid male behaviors.

    What can we do to remind ourselves to stop this?

    I would write up a note card and put it in your wallet. Then every time you’re on a dating site, or out meeting women, or about to walk into a first date, pull it out and re-read it. “I am strong enough to never need to compliment a woman’s appearance in order to get laid” or something like that.

  32. Female Reader says

    It really depends on how it is said (not just how “confidently”) and how the rest of the man is. Many times it can be a turn off, like if he seems desperate or he’s only saying that because he wants to fuck.

    I think a lot of your advice would work on a certain type of girl, and is for guys whose only objective is to fuck girls.

  33. BlackdragonBlackdragon says

    I think a lot of your advice would work on a certain type of girl, and is for guys whose only objective is to fuck girls.

    What other objective would a guy have on a date? Even a wimpy beta male looking for a monogamous relationship still wants to fuck the girl, and as quickly as possible.

  34. Bryan says

    I agree with this post. Telling a beautiful women that she is beautiful only makes you look like all the other guys. The question is, “What do you say to a beautiful woman? What does she want to hear? Do you have a post on that one?”

  35. BlackdragonBlackdragon says

    The question is, “What do you say to a beautiful woman? What does she want to hear? Do you have a post on that one?”

    There’s no real difference in what you say to a woman based on her appearance. Plus you don’t want to talk very much on a date anyway. The only difference in my experience is that you have to be even more confident and outcome independent if she’s really super hot (a high 9 or 10).

  36. Bella says

    Girl here. I don’t know in which country you live (I’m guessing to US), but let me make something very clear to you: this is NOT how things work elsewhere.

    Women, in fact, will always want to hear what men genuinely find intriguing about them. Of course you should sound confident while complimenting her, but the most important thing is to be honest. If a man tells me some standardized “dayum, you’re hot gurl”, of course it’ll get me annoyed.

    If you really take the time to put some actual thought into what you will be telling her, chances are she’ll appreciate it. Because, you know, words ARE part of flirting, getting to know each other, and – newsflash! – any conversation.

    Again, this may be different in the US, but here in Europe, you won’t get far with that attitude. And ESPECIALLY not with Italian women.

  37. BlackdragonBlackdragon says

    I don’t know in which country you live (I’m guessing to US)

    Yep. US.

    but let me make something very clear to you: this is NOT how things work elsewhere

    I think it is how it works in most places in the Western world but I’m sure there are exceptions.

    If you really take the time to put some actual thought into what you will be telling her, chances are she’ll appreciate it. Because, you know, words ARE part of flirting, getting to know each other, and – newsflash! – any conversation.

    Not one thing you said had anything to do with whether or not you’ll actually have sex with a new guy and how fast you’ll let him do it. As a woman you want appreciation and that’s fine, but I’m talking about sex here, and demonstrated appreciation is usually inversely proportional to how fast a woman has sex with a new man.

    You didn’t say that verbal signs of appreciation makes your pussy wet and makes you want to tear your clothes off, so your statement leads me to believe that what I’m saying does indeed apply to where you live (Italy).

  38. says

    They forgot one HUGE reason to NOT compliment a girl too soon…..
    Many girls are insecure — they have low self-esteem. Receiving praise from others when she feels negatively about herself elicits discomfort because it conflicts with her existing belief system. If she believes she’s truly undesirable, hearing compliments about how attractive she is will feel jarring and inauthentic.
    The resistance girls with low self-esteem have to compliments can be especially pronounced when the praise comes from potential relationship partners.
    Why would a girl with low self-esteem react so strongly to such praise from a guy?  The answer is that any form of praise that comes from a guy can make girls with low self-esteem feel pressured to live up to the heightened expectations such praise implies. Because her confidence in herself is low, a girl with low self-esteem fears she won’t be able to sustain her efforts and she’ll end up disappointing the guy. 
    I paraphrased this from another website, but its a valid point!

  39. Lonnie says

    Negging ONLY works if it’s a part of you. If you have to think about it you’re doing it wrong. I can be a pretty big ass hole not because I’m negging, but because that’s how I’ve always been. Ex: A few days ago a co-worker of mine and I are talking. She’s being rude calling me arrogant and such , and just talking a lot of shit. I tell her I have 1 thing for women with big mouths. She immediately stopped being rude and thought it was funny. I didn’t think about negging her. I just said it because that’s me being myself.

  40. zed officious says

    i think I see the point. saying you like someone’s appearance is polite way of saying you want to have sex with them, or at least fondle their tits, etc. Well, even when you say crude things in a nice way, they can still come off as crude. I cant think of many girls whove responded positively to a compliment on appearance when they havent already reciprocated interest. see, when two people like each other, its kinda obvious to each. We sorta ask with our bodies and in seconds the two kinda already know. So when one compliments the other at that point, its just flirting. When you dont exactly get that great vibe, there really is no point to telling someone you want to fuck them, then, because its already been decided. Youre basically ignoring the conversation youve had and start another, more blatant and awkward version of the same conversation!

    So, wait, whats the point of complementing? i mean, people do it all the time, for some reason, so it must have a time and place! Well, I looked up a definition or two, along with the etymology (always enlightening), and the gist is that a compliment is when you politely congratulate or praise. You may think you’re doing that, but since when is it polite to imply that you want to fuck someone you just met? Let her get to know you a bit first, jeeze! The correct way to compliment someone’s appearance is when it actually has context. If the setting demands that the girl look good, like a formal dinner or an occasion where everyone is in essence showing off their affluence or stature  through clothing or their appearance, and you tell her ‘you look great’..well i think that works just fine. Or anytime you can actually say it in the same manner as ‘how do you do?’ ‘nice day we’re having’ ‘long day?’ and other polite small talkey stuff. Or if something happens, such a little spill or the girl falls down for a second and their is the possibility she may feel she doesnt look right, telling her she looks good is extremely polite thing to do! That one especially works and women who want you to compliment her will act like she thinks she doesnt look good so youll tell her. crazy girls might actually fish for compliments that way, but a woman who wants you to be able to compliment her appearance within the correct context might throw you that bone! The point is, a compliment fulfills a function having to do with proper MANNERS. Not flirting, Make it come in the context of being polite and I think it can have the impact you mean it to. People love hearing they look good. They love getting compliments PERIOD. They just prefer they occur in the correct context

  41. John says

    Is it OK to compliment a women on something other than her physical looks – like perhaps a particular piece of jewelry (“that’s a nice necklace” etc.) or perhaps just her overall appearance, by saying something like “you look nice tonight” etc.?

  42. BlackdragonBlackdragon says

    Is it OK to compliment a women on something other than her physical looks

    Yes. Saying she’s smart or fun or has a great energy, etc; all of those are fine.

    like perhaps a particular piece of jewelry (“that’s a nice necklace” etc.)

    That’s borderline, and my answer is no. I wouldn’t do that (and don’t).

    perhaps just her overall appearance, by saying something like “you look nice tonight” etc.?

    NO. That’s complimenting appearance.

  43. Joe says

    Great article bro. I think that most guys knows this subconsciously but it takes a few turns around the earth, probably around 30, to really get this article. Looking back at times where I didn’t care for a girl at all, didn’t even think of having sex with her as my main objective and I was myself without thinking about it or worrying about her opinion, that’s when they would grab me and take me to the bathroom. Whenever ive been in my head (the one on my shoulders) and looking for the perfect thing to say to not mess things up is when things went bad. Good reminder , Thanks.

  44. Mookie says


    Great post!!!!!

    Just want to convey my experience remember being at a work xmas party years ago when I was 19. She was 27.

    Back then I genuinely had no intention of hitting on her as only dated girls my age and she was an older woman in my head way out of my league. Plus we had worked together for about 9 months with no sexual chemistry.

    She was wearing a really nice black dress that highlighted her figure and strutting her stuff on the dance floor. I was sitting beside her at one stage and commented “Marie you look amazing when you let your hair down – your dress really suits you!”

    Anyway she pursued me vigorously the next night we were out in the pub about a month later. I remember asking her after we had sex where all the heat came from. She said it was my compliment to her at the xmas party. That was the first time I was with a woman that outside my direct age bracket.

    But I always remembered this (fact that the compliment got a woman i perceived as untouchable into bed with me) and used it over and over again with other women to great success.



  45. SargeMaximus says

    This is an interesting debate. What DO you talk about then? Boring topics like the weather? Or maybe pretend to be interested in what she’s studying at school? I went on a date with a 19 yo a few weeks ago and the date was dry as the sahara because (admittedly) I didn’t know what I was doing. But then, I’m kind of a social retard to be fair.

    Anyhow, we talked about all kinds of things, and I know I was outcome independent (even though, of course I still wanted to sleep with her) also pretty cocky and I shocked her multiple times, which yielded the “I-can’t-believe-you-just-said-that” look from her.

    She didn’t want to give me her number so I left the date on my own (was getting bored). Didn’t mean she wanted to sleep with me. Granted, I DID compliment her looks on 2 occasions:

    1. When I first saw her. “Hi, I know this is kinda random, but I thought you were cute and had to say hi” (any suggestions for a better opener BD?)

    2. She was talking about her sister being my age, and I was like “is she as cute as you?”

    So that’s it. Again, I KNOW I have OI and confidence, but sparking attraction seems to be my weakness as is socializing in general (which I cannot stand).

  46. BlackdragonBlackdragon says

    What DO you talk about then? Boring topics like the weather? Or maybe pretend to be interested in what she’s studying at school?

    Listen to my podcast on how to have a first date. It lays out the entire conversational sequence.

    When I first saw her. “Hi, I know this is kinda random, but I thought you were cute and had to say hi” (any suggestions for a better opener BD?)

    Openers are near-irrelevant. When I used to do daygame, I got laid with openers like “Hi” and “Hey, what’s your necklace made out of?” Openers are the least important aspect of game in my opinion. They can be dumb and still “work.”

    She was talking about her sister being my age, and I was like “is she as cute as you?”

    Bad. Don’t do it.

  47. SargeMaximus says

    Ok, good to know. So basically, you’re approaching to set up a date. Is it a good idea to try and date her immediately if you can? or to just get her number and set up a date later? I had this one girl I was texting who seemed really flirty, but I was pushing for a meet at her or my place and she seemed a bit squeamish (or maybe I came across as too desperate?). Is it a bad idea to be so forward or how do you handle things when you want to lay her asap?

    I’ll check out that podcast as well, thanks BD!

  48. BlackdragonBlackdragon says

    I don’t give daygame advice. You’d have to ask a daygame guy.

    Back when I did it (a really long time ago), I got the number and the followed up. But I’m no expert in this area.

  49. Elle says

    Every man should read this article. I had a guy tell me within the first 15 minutes that I was a goddess, beautiful and stunning before I got my first glass of wine. We went on a few dates. Every day he would call and text to say, “have I told you today how beautiful you are”. I was polite and always said thank you. This went on for weeks. Every day several times a day. I finally told him to stop telling me all the time because it didn’t feel special. The first date in the movie he tried kissing me and didn’t even know me yet.

    Don’t get me wrong I love being complimented but this much was way too much for even me. One of my friends calls it the “I got a live one”. Meaning he is going to think he is doing all the right things to keep you when he is pushing you away. After five dates, I was done. He never complimented me on anything else or even tried to get to know me.

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