I have given this first date advice many times and in many ways: Don’t compliment women’s appearance.
No matter how tempted you are, no matter how hot she is, no matter how much you think she likes you, and no matter how smoothly or Alpha you think you can pull it off, don’t compliment a woman’s appearance prior to sex. If you’ve been having sex with her for six months, then fine. I’m talking about the dating and seduction phases.
Every time I give that dating advice, I get a bunch of guys giving me excuses about how it’s okay to do it as long as you don’t do it too much. Or too much like a beta. Or with an confident frame. Or something.
I will quote the above linked blog post about the proof that complimenting a woman’s appearance will reduce your odds of a lay:
If you don’t believe me, go sarge up 20 women, tell them how hot/beautiful they are before you fuck them. Then sarge up a second 20, and don’t compliment their appearance at all. You will find you will get better results (and more quickly) from the second group than from the first group.
Go do that experiment, and then come back and tell me it’s okay to tell women they’re hot as long as you do it “confidently” or whatever.
Heartiste recently made a blog post right here giving the exact same advice. Good. Nice to see others have figured this out.
A few quotes from his post:
Never compliment a girl on her looks, especially not a girl you aren’t fucking.
It will help you acquire the right frame of mind to stop using the words hot, cute, gorgeous, or beautiful to describe girls who turn you on.
He even repeats it:
As stated above, never compliment beautiful women on their looks
He goes on to give some tips on how to convey attraction without commenting on a woman’s looks. I’m going to reinforce why refraining from complimenting appearance will help you.
Here are the top six reasons:
1. You’re not telling her anything she doesn’t already know. Hot chicks are fully aware they’re hot by the time they’re about 15 years old. It’s not news to them. Telling a hot chick she’s hot is like telling her the sky is blue or that there’s oxygen in the air. It just makes you look “very normal”, if not a little dumb.
2. Hundreds, if not thousands of men have already told her this. If you tell her this too, you’re just adding yourself to the pile of all the other guys she’s politely brushed off. You are in no way unique.
3. It’s not a compliment. That’s right. Telling her she’s hot or sexy or beautiful or whatever is not giving her a compliment. It’s like walking up to a multimillionaire and saying “You have a lot of money.” Trust me, that millionaire will in no way feel complimented. He’ll just assume you’re awkward. And he’ll be right.
Now yes, because of Societal Programming, a hot chick will be obligated to say something back like “Oh, thank you!”, but that doesn’t mean shit. If you’ve ever dated a really hot chick and watched other guys tell her how attractive she is, even good looking guys who said it smoothly, I’m sure you got a full commentary from her regarding the lack of quality these men were displaying, even if she was demonstrating gratitude for their compliments.
I’m not saying women don’t like men kissing their asses. They certainly do. I’m saying hearing from men something they already know and have heard a thousand times is not a compliment. If you just can’t control yourself and must compliment her, tell her she’s smart or interesting or unique, not beautiful.
4. It reduces your odds of a lay. This is unquestionable. Try the “20 woman experiment” above and track your results if you don’t believe me. By not complimenting a woman’s appearance, your odds of a lay go up. The speed of the lay also goes up. Moreover, the hotter she is, the more important it is to not say anything about it.
5. It damages your Alpha standing in her eyes. Even if you’re a cool, attractive guy, the simple act of telling a hot chick she’s hot will take you down a notch in her mental assessment of your sexual worthiness.
I didn’t say if she’s totally into you she’ll be suddenly turned off if you mention she’s attractive. If you’ve already scored 87 points on her 0-100 scale, telling her she’s hot won’t drop you the entire 87, but it will drop you down to 83 or 77 or 75.
Why do this? Why take the chance? Why make this harder on yourself?
“Well, I like telling women they’re beautiful. It makes me feel more natural and human. It makes the interaction more organic.”
Okay, fine. But can’t you wait until you’ve had sex with her a few times before you tell her she’s sexy or has nice tits? Is it really that difficult?
6. It damages your Outcome Independence, whether you realize it or not. This is the biggest internal reason why you shouldn’t do this. By telling a hot woman she’s hot, you have mentally placed her on a pedestal in your own mind at least a little bit. You’re going to want her just a little more now. Your Outcome Independence will have taken a hit. At least a small one. Not good.
Next time you’re with some Hot Chick™, remember this article.
Just don’t do it.
You’ll thank me in the morning.