A very common complaint I see all over the internet, all over the forums, and even in my own incoming email, are guys getting banned from online dating sites.
I’ve always thought this was strange, considering I’ve never been banned from an online dating site in my entire life. Not once. That’s saying quite a bit, since I’ve been doing online game relatively consistently since 2007. In that time I’ve sent thousands upon thousands of openers, communicated with hundreds of women, used scores of different profiles, and done so on numerous different dating sites. All without ever getting banned, or even warned, by any of them.
I know exactly why these guys are getting banned from all these sites, so today I’m going to tell you exactly how to do what I do and not get banned, while still being able to open many women online and even utilize multiple profiles when needed.
1. Don’t get too overtly sexual in your profile.
Now I realize that some guys looking for fast ONS sex actually want to get sexual in their profile. For younger or better-looking guys with strong game, this can work so more power to ya, but you’re going to be getting banned left and right and I won’t be.
My model is to not get overtly sexual in my profile at all. The worst I ever got with that was a line I stole from Neil Struass about how I’m “old enough to do it right and young enough to do it often”, but even that line I haven’t used in years.
That’s the loophole. If you want to get sexual in your profile, then use language that subtly implies it rather than saying it straight out. That’s usually fine.
However, if you want to never worry about getting banned, just keep the sexual stuff for the first dates, and not on the profile.
2. Don’t get too overtly sexual in your online dating messages to women.
This one should be obvious but a lot of guys still blow this one, often on purpose.
First off, you should NEVER be overtly sexual in your online opener (unless you’re attempting something very unusual). That’s a recipe for low response rates.
Once you’re actually having a back-and-forth with a woman you also need to watch it. Online dating sites these days make it very easy for women to “report” people, and women can and will report your ass if you get too sexual over messaging. As you might expect, the sites are only too happy to ban too-sexual men. Remember, the dating sites have a surplus of men, but not enough women. If you were born with a penis, they have no problem banning you at the drop of hat.
The one way around this that I have found is that it’s usually fine to get sexual if you are using a dating site’s IM communication. Once you’re IMing a girl and you’re really into a back-and-forth conversation she’s enjoying, going sexual is fine. I’ve done this many times without a problem. (I have copy-and-paste copies of real IM conversations in my ebooks as examples.) What I’m talking about is you getting sexual over the dating site’s messaging system. That’s a no-no. (Frankly, if you’re getting sexual over messages, you’re likely doing it way too soon in the interaction anyway.)
3. Follow the 24/24 Rule.
If you only get one thing out of this article, the 24/24 Rule should be it. This is the absolute, sure-fire way to be able to send out lots of openers without ever going over a site’s opener limits or getting banned.
Most online dating sites have a limit on the number of openers you can send. Sometimes this limit is published but inaccurate (in the case of POF) and other times the site says there is no limit but there really is (as in the case of OKCupid).
Instead of trying to guess each sites limit, just follow the 24/24 Rule. It’s simply this:
Never send more than 24 openers within 24 hours on any single dating site.
That’s it. Simple isn’t it? No site will ever block your outgoing messages or ban you if you send less than 24 openers within a 24 hour period. I have carefully tested this on just about every major (American) dating site you can think of, and 100% of my messages get through to their targets and I never have a problem.
From now on, when you send openers, note the time when you do it. Let’s say you send out openers it’s between 6pm and 6:15pm. The next evening you simply don’t send any openers until 6:15pm. So you send another 24 openers at 6:30pm, then the following evening you send another 24 openers at 7pm, and so on.
Remember this is 24 openers per dating site. You could send 24 openers on OKCupid, another 24 on Match.com, and if you don’t mind the negatives of POF, send yet another 24 there. That’s 72 openers a night you could blast out without ever worrying about being banned or having the site limit or filter your outgoing messages. Nice.
4. Do a “copy-and-paste customize” inside each opener you send.
As most of you already know, I do copy-and-paste canned openers. Have for years, and it works very well. However some sites (POF in particular) are getting a little pissy about guys doing this.
No problem. All you do is customize each opener in a very quick way. I call this “copy-and-paste customization”. The easiest and fastest way to do this is to copy and paste the girl’s name into the opener. Just paste your opener in, then copy and paste her name from her profile, so your opener starts out by saying “Hi Jennifer!”, then hit send. You more enterprising folks could easily set up macros to do this.
Another way to do this is to change one word in the opener, or add one phrase that you can quickly type that refers to the first sentence or two of her profile (this way you don’t have to read her entire profile).
I personally just put the woman’s name in. It’s easier, but the customization really doesn’t matter.
If you mix this method with the 24/24 Rule, you’re really going to be protected from getting banned.
5. Stop yourself before you say something mean, even if you have a good reason.
Guys still blow this one all the time. Badly. Including guys who should know better. Emotional control is still a huge issue for way too many of you.
I’m going to repeat something, so get this through your thick head: Online dating sites have more men on them than they need, but they cater (read: kiss ass) to women. That means that if you’re even a little mean to any woman on a dating site, even if you think you have a good reason, even if “she started it” (what are we, in kindergarten?) and she reports you, you’re gone. Goodbye.
I still see way too many guys get snippy with bitchy chicks on dating sites, only to be surprised that they get banned a few days later.
If a woman on a dating site is acting like a bitch or psycho, just ignore her and block her. Do not respond to her. The deck is stacked against you, and in a he-said/she-said battle, you’re going to lose. It’s not worth it. Be nice, or stay silent.
That’s it! Now stop getting banned!