Several of you have emailed me this article which has been making the rounds lately, lamenting about the “hookup culture” caused by apps like Tinder. At the same time, I’ve noticed that many men in the manosphere actually lament about the hookup culture, and how “Tinder has ruined everything” and “betas can’t get laid anymore.” Everyone else is throwing around topics like “the end of dating” and “sex has become easy” and “the dating apocalypse.”
It’s all a bunch of inaccurate, hyped-up, fear mongering BS. I will explain.
We Don’t Have a Hookup Culture in the United States
…and I can prove it. Take a minute and go read the article I recently wrote right here. Look at the stats I quoted, and read their sources. Carefully. Seriously, go read it, then come back. I’ll wait.
Did you read it? Did you see the stats? The stats are very clear on this: Americans don’t have very much sex. This includes men, women, young people, old people, married people, and single people. I will repeat: this includes young single people. All this hand-wringing about the “hookup culture” is silly as it is inaccurate.
I have sex around three times a week on average, but statistically speaking I am a very bizarre, high-end exception to the rule. If you get into the habit of reading a bunch of PUA or manosphere sites, or if you read stupid articles like the linked one above, or if you constantly swipe super-hot attention whores on Tinder, you start to get the skewed perception that “everyone is getting laid except me.”
Untrue. Very few Americans are having sex on a regular basis (and most Europeans aren’t that much better). We manosphere bloggers are a statistically extreme exception.
A “hookup culture” would mean that any normal young person can whip up a smartphone app and then go get laid very quickly with someone cute whenever he/she wanted. Is this the case?
Nope. Very clearly this is not the case. If it were, I wouldn’t be selling any ebooks. My entire Blackdragon business would go out of business pretty damn fast.
What about the people who do get laid on Tinder? Surely there must be something to this story?
Tinder has followed the exact same product cycle as any other dating technology, albeit much faster than has historically been the case. Here are the five phases any dating technology always goes through:
1. Early adopters
3. Normal effectiveness
5. Effective only for a small, specific group of people.
Every dating technology has followed this five-stage cycle. Let’s take Match.com as just one example.
1. First it came out and there were a few early adopters. It languished for about 10 years, not doing much.
2. Then, during the 2002-2005 timeframe, it became hyper-effective. Normal, everyday guys, as long as they weren’t hideous looking, could go on Match.com back then and quickly and easily rack up lays almost like seasoned PUAs. Back then, one of my brothers, a normal, everyday guy in his late 30s, had sex with five different women on Match.com in less than about ten months. Around the same time, a co-worker of mine, a normal dude with normal game, accomplished the same. It was like shooting fish in a barrel. I was astounded.
Unfortunately, I was married at the time, so I missed this window.
3. Around 2006, it went from hyper-effective to normal. I was divorced in 2007 and started dating. Match.com was one of the sites I used, and I got laid, though not nearly as easily as the 2002-05 guys had it.
4. Around 2011, Match.com entered the fourth phase and started getting problematic. They added a bunch of filters, many women left the site, response rates went down, etc.
5. Today, Match.com has entered its fifth phase. It’s really only effective for over-30 beta males looking to get over-30 divorced women as serious girlfriends or wives. For that niche, it works very well. For everyone else, it’s pretty rough. I’m not saying that you can’t get laid on Match if you’re outside of this niche, but you’re going to have to work really hard at it.
Plenty of Fish went through the same exact five phases, though much more quickly than Match. If you’ve been reading this blog, you know all about that already. It used to be easy as hell on there, now it sucks. Sugar daddy dating sites are currently moving from phase 2 (hyper-effectiveness) to phase 3 (normal effectiveness). Older men who don’t mind throwing a little money around are having a good time on these sites, but soon these sites will suck too. (And then something new will replace them.)
Every dating technology you can think of, from video dating services in the 1980s all the way to Tinder today go through these five phases. It’s normal, natural, and nothing to get freaked out about.
Tinder has also gone through these five phases even more quickly than POF did. Tinder used to be absolutely fantastic…for about a year and a half. It went from early adoption, hyper-effectiveness, normal effectiveness, and problems, and now it is what it is.
What is Tinder now? I would argue that right now, mid-2015, in most (but not all) major cities, Tinder is for hot, young (or youngish) men to hook up with hot, young women. I’m a non-hot, older guy, thus Tinder is a complete waste of time for me at this point. I won’t get laid on there at all (at least not with young hotties). Yet, I can still go on OKCupid and have sex with younger women with little problem (albeit with dramatically reduced responses rates from five years ago, since OKCupid itself is going through the five phases).
Tinder is a waste of time for me, but it still works with the hot-younger-guy niche.
This all circles back to my main point. The only “hookup culture” America has right now is with a teeny tiny subculture of certain hot, young(ish), city-dwelling men who use Tinder. That’s it. No one else is having much sex (outside of Alpha/manosphere/PUA dudes). The problem here is that hot, youngish guys have always been having sex with hot young chicks, far before Tinder or even the internet was ever invented.
Back in the 1980s, I know plenty of hot, young guys who were fucking tons of hot young chicks, and no one was screaming about a “hookup culture”. Why? Because back then, you couldn’t pick up a phone and swipe through a bunch of attention whores, so it was out of sight, out of mind. But it was still happening.
Crime rates in the United States have plummeted since the 1970s, yet if you took a survey of typical Americans, they will report that crime rates are just as bad, if not worse. WTF?
Why is this? Because of all the fearmongering Americans see on the news and the internet all day. It creates the perception of crime, when, in fact, crime has actually decreased dramatically. This “hookup culture” crap is the same thing.
Am I saying hot, younger people are getting laid less than in the 1980s? I don’t know if I’d go that far, but again, look at the stats.
One might argue: “Well BD, of course the stats are showing less people are having sex. Less beta males are having sex because the hot Alphas are getting all the girls!”
I know it might feel that way, the same way it feels like Republicans make government smaller (when in fact they always make it bigger), but you’re demonstrably wrong (assuming you’re talking about the US; I’m not talking about other countries). Here’s why:
1. The stats show that women are having less sex too (including younger women), not just men. So that blows your theory. If you were right, the stats would clearly indicate that young women (on average) were having more sex but young men (on average) were having less.
2. Good looking Alpha males have ALWAYS fucked more women and better-looking women than betas. Beta males have ALWAYS gotten the short end of the stick, sexually speaking. This has been the case for decades, if not centuries. It has nothing to do with Tinder.
Could Tinder exacerbate this distribution? Sure, but statistically it’s barely made a dent. Again, just like with long-term monogamy not working, the stats clearly back up what I’m saying regardless of your personal feelings on the matter.
The solution here is very simple. If you aren’t a super-hot, young(ish) Alpha male, don’t use Tinder. I don’t. Use daygame, use dating sites (dating sites, not dating apps), or if you have the lifestyle for it, use night game. Problem solved. If you have no idea where to start, read this. Yes, all styles of game have become more difficult lately because of left-wing governmental support structures, stronger women, and weaker men, but I’ve already addressed that.
Despite the hype, things are the same way they’ve been for a long, long time, which is:
1. Not many Americans are having sex. That includes both genders of all ages.
2. Of the ones having sex, good looking, younger Alphas are having sex with a disproportionate number of women as compared to uglier, average-looking betas.
3. Betas aren’t getting laid much unless it’s to ugly or bossy women who dominate them.
4. Any beta out there reading these words has the option of improving himself and becoming an Alpha so that he can have sex with higher quality women more easily. I am a living proof of this.
It been like this for hundreds of years, it’s like this today, and it will be like this in the future.
Don’t believe the hype.