Nothing serious today. I’m in one of those museful, silly moods.
I wish I could place bets on specific individuals’ future behavior in relationships. If there was a way to do this, I would make more money than in all three of my businesses combined. I already make money using my ability to predict economic booms and busts so I’ve got that one nailed, but I want to cash in on my relationship prediction powers too. Dammit.
A while back, I was walking through an office building on my way to a meeting. In front of me were two middle-aged women, the normal looking married type. They were deep in conversation about a mutual friend who was going through a divorce. They were coincidentally going to the same floor as me, so I ended up being a casual listener to their conversation for several minutes.
Apparently, both the man and the woman in question were being angry and vindictive to each other during the divorce (I’m so shocked). The woman was badmouthing him to all of her friends and family even though he never did anything horrible. The man was purposely refusing to set up direct deposit to her bank, forcing her to drive out to his house and various other things to collect her monthly support check mandated by the court until the divorce was final.
In other words, it was the standard divorce that I (and perhaps you) have seen a hundred times. For this reason, I was getting bored and started tuning out of the conversation, but suddenly one of the women said this:
“I can’t believe this! How can people be so vindictive to each other? I just don’t understand why someone would do that. I would never do that.”
This is when I smiled and wished, oh I wished, that I could have placed a $10,000 bet right then and there. I’ll tell you the precise bet that I wanted in a minute (though some of you might already know).
As I said, this woman was married. As soon as I realized they were talking about someone’s divorce, I had checked their left hands for wedding rings.
When this woman said that she didn’t understand how people could be so vindictive, I believed her. She was not putting on some kind of innocent act. I really think she was surprised at how two people who used to love each other were now acting like angry children and trying to get back at each other for no damn reason other than their own outcome dependence, immaturity and lack of emotional control. That’s all well and good.
Where she was dead wrong is when she said, “I would never do that.”
Oh-ho! Yes you would, darling. You just haven’t been divorced yet. Just wait. It’s coming, and you’ll likely be angry and vindictive against your current hubby too. That’s how women work. To be fair, many men work like this as well, but divorce attorneys, including female ones, will tell you that it’s almost always the woman who wants to “get back” at the husband, while the husband just wants the divorce to be over with so he can move on. Women. Are. Vindictive.
That is the bet I wanted to place. I wanted to bet $10,000…well, okay, at least $5,000 that two things would occur at some point in this woman’s future:
1. She’d get divorced.
2. During the divorce process, and/or after, she would engage in at several childish, vindictive acts against her husband.
The odds are way beyond 50%, likely around 70% (or higher) that those two things will happen eventually and I’d win my $5,000. 70% makes the odds better than blackjack and I make a lot of money playing that game. DAMN, I wish I could bet on things like this. It would be the easiest money in the world.
For many years now, I have accurately predicted all kinds of future relationship behaviors for all kinds of people in my life, even down to the specific things people will say. It’s gotten to the point where some people think I have some kind of crystal ball. Of course, I don’t. I just know how people are most likely to behave in monogamous relationships, particularly when they add legal marriage to the mix. I don’t let my personal feelings, nor Societal Programming, nor Disney enter into it. I just stick with human biology and I’m usually correct.
I’ve said it many times: biology always wins in the end. It doesn’t matter how smart you are, experienced you are, or how much you love someone, or how much they love you. You’re still a flesh-and-blood human being and so is your partner.
Granted, sometimes I’m wrong on the timing, but I’m rarely wrong on the outcome. Sometimes, I’ll say things like “he’ll cheat on her and get caught within two years,” and it might be five years before it happens, but he still cheats and he still gets caught. That’s when I get a few texts or personal Facebook messages from random people in my personal life that say, “Well, you were right.”
Yeah, I know I’m right. I just wish I could bet real money on this stuff. If I had this kind of foreknowledge in any other area, like with sports or the stock market, I’d be a billionaire by now. However, because of Societal Programming, there is no betting pool on whether Joe and Jane with get divorced because he’s a beta and she’s a hot Dominant, or weather newlywed Sam will cheat on Suzi because he’s an Alpha Male 1.0 who’s already had sex with 63 women, or whether Ashley will text Rick within 12 months out of the blue after she LSNFTE’d him because he’s an Alpha Male 2.0 who’s correctly ignoring her after the breakup.
If any of you know of a way I can monetize this skill I have regarding relationships and marriages with people in my personal life, please let me know. A fifth income source would be nice.
Note: I’m offering a $500 cash prize (and other cool stuff) for the best success story using any of the concepts I talk about. Go here for contest details. The deadline is Feb 22nd! Monday!