A lot of you have been bugging me about this, so today I finally spill all the details.
Just about every time I mention that I have an OLTR girlfriend, many of you leave comments asking questions about her or the relationship, and I will get several emails asking questions about this as well. I’ve been holding off giving any specifics about this publicly for a while. This is because I follow my own advice, and don’t consider an OLTR relationship to be solid until many months have gone by and the woman has proven herself to be low drama, a stable person, and strong enough to handle a guy like me in her life for the long-term.
It’s been enough time now where it’s okay for me to talk about her. Though I can’t tell you everything about her or our relationship, I think that giving you the gist of things are important; to show you what I’m doing and what is possible for you if an OLTR is something you’d like to have someday (assuming you don’t already have one; I know many of you do).
As I’ve talked about before, one of the biggest reasons why normal, Societally Programmed people think relationships like this are impossible or unfeasible is because the millions of men who have relationships or marriages like this never reveal it publicly. Most of them are terrified that they will be verbally attacked, shamed, shunned, have their wives/GFs get upset with them, have their friends or family members get upset with them, or worse. And sometimes, they’re right to think these things.
Fortunately, since I’m an Alpha Male 2.0 and outcome independent, I don’t have that problem. I’m happy to share with you what happens, what I do right, and if I make any mistakes. Again, I won’t be able to tell you absolutely everything, since my girlfriend has no interest in becoming a public figure. So while I don’t really care about my privacy, I need to protect hers. So, I can give you general overviews of her and our relationship, but I won’t be able to provide certain details.
My girlfriend, Pink Firefly, is a regular reader of this blog and will definitely be reading this post as well as the comments. She’s free to comment below and respond to comments or questions from others if she chooses. (She’s commented on this blog before.)
That’s up to her though; as an Alpha 2.0 I never tell women what to do, so she’s free to participate in the discussion or not. Also remember that as an Alpha 2.0, I don’t care if she disagrees with me, and it’s possible that today or in the future, she may publicly state opinions that I completely disagree with. Fine with me. Just remember that she’s her own person, and though she and I agree on most of the big things, her opinions on the details do not necessarily reflect mine.
Pink Firefly has been in my life for almost three years now. The relationship evolution went like this: she started as a FB (as most women do), we played around for about a year and got along great, then we had about a year where we didn’t see each other (no particular reason; we both got busy with other things/people), then we resumed, and shortly after I upgraded her to MLTR.
Soon after, we had The Talk. A few months after that, we had the OLTR Talk (which is different and more involved than The Talk). She passed both of these talks with flying colors, though not without the typical and predictable problems and adjustment period. I finally upgraded her to OLTR status earlier this year and started introducing her to other people in my life as my girlfriend.
Here are the basics on Pink Firefly:
1. She’s blonde, trim, super hot, and what most men would consider a 9 or 10 unless you don’t like blonde white women. She’s small, which I like, and has big boobs, which I like, but she’s not quite as curvy as I’m typically used to. I’m not going to show you photos at this time so please don’t ask. Firefly and I understand that eventually pictures of her will leak out to the public and that’s fine, but as much as I’d love to brag, I’m not going to showcase her. That’s not the point of this.
Maybe down the road, when she gets more comfortable with all of this, I can show you a few photos, but no promises. I also plan on doing regular YouTube videos at some point, and she may be in some of those. Again, her presence in this business is completely up to her, and I’m not pressuring her either way.
2. She’s 37 years old, though most people assume she’s 27 or 28 because she looks very young. Her age pleases me, since after dating so many women in their 20s, my idea in the last few years was to have a serious relationship with someone closer to my age group.
If you’re wondering, yes, because she’s over the age 33, I had to put up with a bunch of ASD and bullshit when we first met when I wanted to move to sex quickly. It was a long time ago and we joke about it now, but I will never sugarcoat the positives or the negatives of her age. If you want a woman over the age of 33, you’re going to have to put up with ASD and frustrating woman logic regarding dating and sex during the early phases of the relationship; there’s no way around this. If you hate that, then stick with younger women.
3. She’s extremely low drama and a happy person with a cheerful demeanor, even when she’s in a bad mood or had a bad day. For me, this is absolutely required for an OLTR, and it’s her most attractive quality to me by far. Of all her qualities, this is what made me choose her over so many other women. I’m not saying she never has bad days; of course she does. But generally she’s happy and stays that way, just like me.
4. She’s extremely feminine and girly. As I’ve spoken about before, my personal paradox is that, as a more masculine man, I’m extremely attracted to women with hyper-feminine personality traits while simultaneously being a little irritated by those same traits. Regardless, a few years ago I decided that I wanted someone in my life who was on the higher end of the emotional scale, to help balance me out a little (being on the opposite end of that scale myself). A good woman makes you a better man (if you’re very careful and don’t beta yourself, that is).
5. In terms of the three types of women, she’s a Submissive with a dash of Independent. For example, she’s lived completely alone for four years. I’ve met hundreds of women in my life, and I’ve only seen a tiny handful pull this off.
6. She’s a corporate woman with many years of professional experience. She has an impressive resume and is an extremely hard worker. This is another common trait with women I really like and tend to be attracted to. My last serious relationship was with a hardcore worker as well. Since I’m a happy workaholic, I think I relate to hard-working women best, but that’s only a theory.
7. Though she has never been married, she has a history of very long-lasting relationships. This is not required for an OLTR in my opinion, and not something I screen for or give a shit about, but it’s definitely a plus since it adds a few percentage points in our favor in terms of having a long-term relationship.
8. While she wanted some when she was younger, she has no kids and doesn’t want any, since she considers herself too old for those now. Awesome! That’s a big one for me. I’ve already had my children and I’d rather not have any more. Both my kids are adults now (son is 25, daughter is 18), so now I really don’t want any more kids.Like most childless women, she has small dog, and that’s her “kid.” Dogs, even small ones, are a hassle and require time and effort, but I’ll take a dog over child any day.
(Note: She’s a woman, thus, as I talk about in my book, it’s possible that she may change her mind about this kid thing down the road. We’ve had all the necessary discussions about this, and she knows exactly what will happen if she suddenly wakes up one morning and decides she wants kids.)
9. Like me, she doesn’t do any drugs and never has. She enjoys casual wine occasionally but doesn’t get drunk. Very compatible with my no-drugs and no-drinking lifestyle. Whenever she has wine I just drink water.
10. Obviously, she has survived both The Talk and the OLTR Talk, and was able to get through both without being a societally programmed bitch about it. This is absolutely required for an OLTR. While she definitely has some of the usual false Societal Programming about how relationships and marriages are “supposed” to look (she’s a female, and an over-33 one after all), I was still super impressed with her during these talks. She’s an amazing woman.
11. Part of our OLTR talk was that I’m not only a public figure, but one of my businesses is my Alpha Male 2.0 / Blackdragon business. This means that I’m a public figure who regularly talks about dating, relationships, and sex in controversial ways. This is very different than the typical public figure who talks about acceptable, “safe” topics like politics, business, fitness or whatever. (Obviously I talk about business, economics, time management, lifestyle design, and some “safe” topics as well, but that’s not all I talk about.)
Thus, if she ends up as my long-term lady, aspects of her personal life will be scrutinized publicly in a way most normal women will never have to worry about. Aspects of her boyfriend’s personal life (and personal past) will also be public knowledge to a degree. I explained to her that this was a strong negative of being with me, and that if she wanted to be with me long-term, she had to be accepting of this oddity.
She said she could handle it and it would be no problem. I honestly wasn’t sure if she could handle it, but she proved me wrong. She’s already experienced some backlash from her family regarding my blogs and books, since I’m outcome independent and hide nothing. She strongly but politely told her family to F-off and handled it like a boss. That’s not easy, and most women wouldn’t be able to do such a thing. I was very impressed.
The good news is that if you plan on having an OLTR like this, you’ll never need to worry about this particular problem. Likely you’re a normal person who is not talking about his sex life publicly in books or on blogs, and you can promise your current or future OLTR that you’ll keep the controversial aspects of your relationship secret to protect her false Societal Programming. The difficulty bar is raised for me in this respect, but probably not for you (unless you aspire to be a big name in the manosphere or PUA community that is).
12. She has been an avid reader of my blogs and some of my books. Being an over-33 woman, she often disagrees with what I say, but enjoys most of it. Over the last year or so she’s really gotten into this stuff and even cracks jokes about it. (“When I move in with you BD, you won’t be able to soft next me! Mwahahaha!”)
If you add up all of the above traits, it gives you an idea of why she’s qualified for this type of relationship when so many other women in my past were not.
As always, while I’m in love with this woman, I don’t have oneitis. Absolutely nothing about my relationship models, work life, businesses, Mission, or life plans have changed, nor will they, even if she were to demand such a thing (which she has not). Despite the fact that I run three businesses and work seven days a week, the fact that I’m devoted to my Mission, the fact that I’m moving out of the country in 2025 (or sooner!) and she’ll have to come with me if she wants to be with me the rest of her life, and all of the Alpha Male 2.0 lifestyle, sexual, and financial parameters, her and I have had many discussions about this stuff and she’s on board.
The Current Relationship
I’ve disclosed absolutely everything about my life with her, all the good and the bad, and she’s done the same with me. This includes my future plans like moving out of the country in a few years. We are both accepting of the negatives of the other person. Per the 90% Rule, if you want a long-term, consistent relationship, you must accept that there will be some things about that person that will piss you off, since there is no such thing as a perfect person. Otherwise, you should just stay single for the rest of your life, and play around with FBs and MLTRs.
Here’s a few answers to some questions:
What do my family and friends think about all this? She’s my girlfriend, “girlfriend” being the societal name for OLTR, so I’ve accepted this term. We’ve already met each other’s families and both are excited as you might imagine. My parents, friends, and siblings are quite happy now I’m living a more societally acceptable-looking lifestyle. Her parents are happy because she’s with a happy, successful man. Her mom also wants to marry her off, as you might imagine, and is excited about the possibility that Pink Firefly and I will get married. My mom is equally excited and won’t shut up about it.
Regarding both of our mothers, they are upset about this blog and the relationship concepts I talk about here and in my book. This is not a big deal, and I anticipated this.
I love my mom to death and I love my girlfriend’s mom too. They’re both wonderful, intelligent, caring women. They’re also monogamous females over the age of 60, thus they live in a very, very different dating/relationship world than I do, so it’s emotionally difficult for them to understand that I have no desire to be a part of the normal dating/marriage world, a world full of drama, cheating, lying, betaization and divorce. They’ll probably never accept that part of my life, and that’s okay. We all get along and love each other, and that’s the important thing. They also know that Firefly and I will live our lives as we choose regardless of their personal opinions.
What does my daughter think about all this? At 18 years old, Indie has been living with me full time for a year now. She’s ecstatic about me “finally having a real girlfriend,” is full of vicarious Disney, and has been begging me to move Pink Firefly in with us (and marry her, and everything else) for months now. She won’t shut up about “helping Pink Firefly pick out her wedding dress.” Jesus.
What does my son think about all this? Thankfully, like most men, he doesn’t really give a shit about who his dad is dating, just like my brothers don’t really care, yet my sisters are really excited. He’s 25 now, and his focus is exactly where it needs to be: building his business empire. Hopefully he’ll wait a very long time before he decides to co-habit or marry anyone, but that’s up to him.
How often do Pink Firefly and I see each other? Since she’s an official OLTR, the once-a-week rule no longer applies to her. We usually see each other twice a week, and spend the night together on at least one of those two visits. She lives 45-50 minutes away with typical traffic, which is a huge pain in the ass for both of us, but we make it work. We both have very full lives; she works full time and I work seven days a week, but we’re both capable people and we have it all figured out. (It’s a good thing I’m a time management expert.)
Do I follow all the other relationship rules with her? Fuck yes I do. I walk my talk and take my own advice. Everything I’ve ever talked about in terms of relationship management I do with Firefly, even if she sometimes disagrees with it. Since she’s an OLTR, I have compromised a little bit on a few non-major items, since as I’ve talked about before, a little compromise is required if you want an OTLR to last a long time. But beyond that, it’s standard Blackdragon stuff.
Did I have to downgrade a bunch of MLTRs when I upgraded Firefly to OLTR? Luckily, no. I happened to time this right (or I got lucky) in that when I moved Firefly from MLTR to OLTR, I had no other active MLTRs at the time, just a smattering of FBs. Coincidentally, I had downgraded my last MLTR to FB a few months prior to Firefly becoming a MLTR.
I just got lucky with the timing on this. Under normal conditions, yes, I would have had to have some difficult conversations with any active MLTRs and downgrade them to FB because “I have a girlfriend now,” but thankfully I didn’t have to worry about that. I did tell a few of my ex-MLTRs about my new status. A few of them were a little sad but most of them were very supportive. My FBs didn’t give a shit and didn’t even notice, god love ’em.
The Mid-Term Future
Pink Firefly and I are both realistic adults who understand that the odds are decent that this relationship will likely not be for “the rest of our lives” (though that would be nice). This goes back to what I’ve said before about being in love with someone without getting oneitis, delusional, or stupid. It’s quite possible to be head-over-heels in love with someone without getting betaized or making stupid decisions.
Do I plan on moving Pink Firefly in with me? Yes. We’ve discussed it in detail, laid down most of the parameters, and it’s going to happen unless something unusual occurs that changes our plans. We don’t have a date set for this yet, but it will likely be sometime next year. Obviously I’m in no rush, and the longer before this happens, the better. All the OLTR basics are going to be in place. I will be following all the steps I’ve outlined before about what to do when co-habiting with someone.
I will be updating all of you on exactly what happens throughout that process here on this blog. When we have a date scheduled and the process begins, you guys will be the first to know.
Do I plan on marrying her? Will there be a wedding of some kind? The answer I give everyone who asks me this (and I get asked this a lot because of my age) is usually something like, “One step at a time, god dammit.” The summary answer to that question is, if she moves in, and after many months of co-habitation things are still going swimmingly like they are now, and there are no major issues, then down the road, yes. It will be an Alpha Male 2.0 / OLTR marriage of course. TMM doesn’t work any more, and I don’t allow systems in my life that don’t work.
Obviously I couldn’t care less about this kind of thing, but Pink Firefly is a girl, so there you go. Girls like weddings and marriage and I’m flexible. Pink has never been married, so at age 37 she’s obviously chomping at the bit to cross that big Societal Programming item off her Feminine Checklist™.
As of now, I will be giving regular updates regarding our relationship here at this blog (and over at the CJ Blog too). Hopefully this will help convince some of you OLTR doubters that this kind of thing is actually possible for you (though I doubt it will change your mind if you’re one of those forever-angry right-wingers). Regardless, I’m happy to present my new journey to all of you. That’s what this blog is for. If I can do it, you can do it.
I’m happy to answer questions about all this, but just be warned that some of the super private stuff I can’t answer. You are free to ask Pink Firefly questions in the comments as well, but whether or not she answers is completely up to her. (Also remember the Five Simple Rules of this blog when commenting here, which I will be enforcing as always.)