This article is the first of a two-part series on different types and levels of sex drive. Today, I’ll talk about men’s sex drive, and in the second part I’ll address women’s sex drive, since there are distinct differences between male and female sexual desire.
As always, we need to get our definitions straight first. When I say “sex drive,” I mean how often you want to have physical, sexual intercourse with another human being. I differentiate sex drive from being horny, since “horny” can apply to many things other than sexual intercourse, such as the desire to fantasize, masturbate, watch porn, etc. Using those two definitions, is there a real difference between sex drive and horniness?
On the male side, I have met men who would rather jerk off to porn than actually have sex with a woman, because they consider having actual sex too much work. This not only applies to anti-sex MGTOWS, but also to normal guys who live with attractive girlfriends. Sex is “too much work” and porn is “easier.”
On the female side, I have had several first/second dates with women over the age of 33 whose ASD was so high that they refused to have sex with me when I tried, but then immediately drove home and masturbated while thinking about me, and texted me that they were doing it, quite excited.
Those are examples of horniness, not sex drive (again, using my definitions above).
You may argue that wanting sex but refusing to actually have sex only because of laziness (in the case of men) or ASD (in the case of women) is still “sex drive,” but I disagree. If I want to have sex, and then have it, and you want to have sex, but don’t because you choose not to for non-medical reasons, then I don’t care how horny you are… I wanted sex more than you did; my sex drive is higher than yours even if our horniness levels are about equal. Actions speak louder words, or in this case, thoughts.
I want sex badly enough that I will do it despite the fact that it might take a little more work, and I don’t have ASD because ASD is false Societal Programming and I don’t do that. Therefore, in the above scenario, I have a high sex drive, and you’re just horny.
Perhaps I’m using the wrong words to describe these two different things, but for the time being, I’m going to use sex drive as wanting sex bad enough to take the trouble to have it with another human being, and horniness as just the desire to engage in some kind of sexual activity, regardless of if another human being is involved or not.
Men’s Sex Drive
Our sexual desires are much simpler than women’s (thank god). We want to have sex, and that’s about it. Generally speaking, and there are exceptions to this but they’re only the exceptions, when a man really wants to have sex, that’s what he wants, and that’s about it. In that moment, he really doesn’t worry too much about a “relationship,” having a baby, what his best friend or mom might think, whether or not he’s a “slut” (or I guess “player” would be the more gender-accurate term here), whether or not the girl will end up liking him or not, or any of that other crap that plague women’s minds when they’re horny. Even the quality of the partner doesn’t matter much to most men while in the midst of strong sexual desire.
I’m not saying men never want the above things. Of course beta males often strongly desire a girl-next-door girlfriend whom they can show off to their mom and dad, and of course some Alphas often want to have sex with hot women primarily so they can show them off to their buddies or people on Facebook. And yes, men usually want to have kids once they get old enough. I’m saying none of these desires come into play during the exact moment a man is raging horny and looking to have sex. He’ll worry about all that stuff later. Right now, he just needs to pound someone so he can have an orgasm and then relax.
Indeed, this is the problem that has plagued married couples since the dawn of time: men want to have sex to relax, and women need to relax in order to have sex. It’s the exact damn opposite. During NRE, both participants are so horny for each other that this doesn’t matter, but once NRE is gone, it presents a major problem that has been the cause of millions of cases of infidelity and divorce.
After a hard, stressful day at work, the husband is ready to grab his wife and fuck the crap out of her so he can relax. Yet, she’s had a hard, stressful day at work as well (or a horrible day parenting the kids, or whatever), so she doesn’t feel sexy at all. She’s uptight, a little pissed off, not relaxed at all, and is the furthest thing from wanting to have sex.
When he goes to take her shirt off, she slaps him away. Already on edge, he gets upset and starts complaining, then she starts yelling at him, usually issuing the infamous I’m Not Your Hooker Speech, an argument ensues, and he goes away without his sex and without the release his male biology so desperately requires. After this happens a few times, he can’t stand it anymore, starts banging the 26 year-old receptionist at work, then he gets caught, she divorces his ass, and then everyone blames him for the failed marriage. (Ah, monogamy.)
The point is, men’s sex drive is a very simple concept. This makes the sex drive types of men equally simple.
Low Sex Drive Men
This is a very rare category of men, perhaps less than 5% of the male population under age 60. These are men who regularly go weeks, months, or even years without sex and have no mental problem with it at all. They see their buddies talking about sex all the time and don’t understand what the big deal is. They see a blog like this and discard it as being immature or silly. They aren’t horny at all and spend much of their lives wondering what the big fucking deal is about sex.
They range from men who don’t really like sex to men who “kinda” like it somewhat but do it mostly to satisfy their girlfriends or wives.
Low sex drive men often, though not always, have low testosterone levels and thus tend to have a more feminine outlook on life. Many of them even have more feminine, uber-beta demeanors. They tend to be needy, get oneitis very fast, over-analyze everything, and are almost never single. Since opposites attract, they’re usually pair-bonded with high sex drive women who cheat on them often.
Low Sex Drive Horny Guys
These are the men I mentioned in the section above. They are really horny guys who believe the process of actually finding a woman to have sex with (in the case of single guys) or taking the trouble to get on top of a woman and pump pumpity pump for 30 minutes (in the case of boyfriends or husbands) is just too much damn work.
However, unlike low sex drive men, low sex drive horny guys are just as horny as any other man. So instead of having sex with women, they have sex with themselves. They tend to be chronic masturbators, masturbating as much as a seventh-grader who’s just gone through puberty. They often have vast libraries of porn of various types and are really into it. Many of them are even addicted to porn and suffer from psychological issues because of this.
Other low sex drive horny guys have wives or girlfriends, but when sex occurs, it’s usually her initiating rather than him. He loves her, but he’d honestly rather jerk off to porn, or perhaps sit comfortably on the couch while getting a blowjob.
Because Western society continues to collapse, and because men are becoming more and more beta, low sex drive horny guys are the fastest growing category of men in the Western world. Every year, more and more MGTOW-minded depressed guys take themselves out of the sexual marketplace and permanently insert their cocks into their computers. One third of Japanese men are already like this; in a few decades the West will be like this as well.
(Oh well. More for me I guess.)
Normal Sex Drive Men
These are typical, normal guys, representing the vast majority of men out there. They’re horny just about every day, but don’t need to actually have sex every day. If they have sex about once a week or two, they’re perfectly satisfied, and don’t really need any more than that unless they’re going through temporary NRE with someone. Of course if sex is offered to them more than once every one or two weeks, they’ll definitely take it (they’re men, after all), but the point is they don’t need it more often than that.
If they need to, they can go 30, 60, even 90 days without sex. They’ll be a little upset about it but still be more or less okay. They’ll miss the sex, and soon they’ll get back to it. A normal sex drive man under the age of 60 usually doesn’t go more than 4-5 months without any sex. He will indeed suffer some dysfunction if he goes too long without sex.
Unlike the other categories listed here, being a normal sex drive man has nothing whatsoever to do with Alpha or beta. You can have a normal sex drive and be either one.
High Sex Drive Men
This is a more rare type of man. These are men with unusually high sex drives. They tend to be men with higher than normal testosterone levels, and/or more dominant or intense personalities. Most of them have personalities on the more masculine edge of the scale, though a few feminine-yet-heterosexual high sex drive men do exist as odd exceptions to the rule (Russell Brand, as an example).
Monogamous relationships tend to be very difficult for these men, since they are fundamentally incompatible with them. High sex drive men who have higher drama tolerances tend to be Alpha Male 1.0s with lots of drama in their relationships, due to their serial cheating. High sex drive men who dislike drama tend towards things like A) nonmonogamy, B) perpetual player lifestyles, C) men who stick with just hookers, or D) Alpha Male 2.0. Since opposites attract, often high sex drive men end up in relationships with low sex drive women, where drama and cheating are commonplace.
High sex drive men need sex either every day or several times a week. If they don’t get it, they feel uncomfortable and antsy, almost immediately, until they get laid. They almost never go more than a month or two without having sex (and a even an entire month of no sex is a long time for them and extremely painful for them).
I understand high sex drive men a great deal, since I’m one of them. I didn’t know I was one until I was 30 years old and my wife at the time explained it to me. “I’ve dated guys before you,” she said, “And none of them needed sex as much as you do.” Later, after my divorce and my entry into an Alpha 2.0 dating life, this was confirmed by other women I dated.
If they’re not self aware and very careful, life can be very difficult for high sex drive men, since modern day society is not designed for them. (If you think you’re one of these men, you really need to get my book if you haven’t already.)
Technically, sex addiction isn’t a type of sex drive, but I wanted to include the category here for the sake of completeness. I’ve already covered sex addiction in detail in this article here. The summary is that sexual addiction is not the natural and human desire for sex, but rather a dysfunctional clinical condition. A high sex drive man craves sex because he loves it and it makes him feel really good. Sex doesn’t feel good to a sex addict at all; he is only having it often to temporarily relieve a pathological, psychological obsession, much like a drug addict.
A man with a normal or high sex drive has sex with someone he finds attractive, and if she’s very unattractive, he’ll pass. However, a sex addict will take off work in the middle of the day, risking his job and his income, to have sex with a disgusting 80 pound crack whore or 350 pound prostitute.
Thankfully, true sex addiction is very rare.
Alrightee! That covers men. In the next part in this series, I’ll cover the different types of sex drives when it comes to women.