A little while back, I posted this article about how I stated that it’s a very bad idea to pay for sex unless you already know how to get laid easily for free and you can easily afford it based on your income and expenses. Go read that article for more details as to the reasons I have for this opinion.
In posting that article, I received some of the most bizarrely irrational comments I’ve ever seen posted on this blog by people who weren’t defending monogamy. When I was reading them, I seriously haven’t shaken my head in disbelief like that in quite a while.
Since only a minuscule percentage of a blog’s readers actually post comments on articles, I know that if I see lots of comments saying the same kind of thing, I can reasonably assume that thousands of you out there think the same, or at least similarly.
This is disappointing and a little disconcerting. A lot of you seem to think that regularly paying a woman cash for sex is no big deal. It is a big deal, big bad deal, for you, your frame, your self-esteem, and your healthy view of women, sex, and relationships. Go back and read that linked article above for why.
Today I’m going to refute the arguments made in those comments, as well as a few I received in my email.
Many of the arguments can be summed up by these two:
Argument 1: Hey, paying for sex can be fun!
Argument 2: I think paying for sex is okay if you want to do it.
I never said paying for sex can’t be fun. I said it’s bad for you. If something is bad for you, it doesn’t matter if you consider it fun or if you want to do it.
If you want to smoke a pack of cigarettes a day, you could argue that it’s fun and that it makes you feel good, and that you want to do it or at least want to try it. Great, but that wasn’t my argument. My argument is that smoking a pack of cigarettes a day is bad for you and will make you suffer over time.
Just because you love cigarettes doesn’t mean you won’t get lung cancer or experience other health problems later in life. The carcinogens and your cells don’t give a shit about what you “like.” The odds are pretty decent that you’re going to have health problems eventually, regardless of whether you think it’s fun or not, or safe or not.
It’s also true that you’re probably not going to have any health problems the very first time you smoke a bunch of cigarettes. But if you do it over a prolonged period of time, you probably will.
If you want to pay for sex because you think it’s fun, then go ahead. As I always say, it’s your life. Do whatever you want. Get traditionally, monogamously married. Shoot heroin. Pay for sex. Go for it. But don’t tell me these things won’t hurt you eventually. They will.
Argument 3: Paying for sex can be good because you can experience something it would normally be hard for you to experience, like fuck an Asian girl. Maybe there aren’t a lot of Asian girls where you live.
Hopefully, I don’t have to explain how dumb this argument is. If you want to fuck an Asian girl, go fuck an Asian girl for free. I’ve fucked hordes of them for free, and they’re only 6% of the population where I live. It’s not that hard. If you don’t know how, learn how. Pickup and dating is a learnable skill.
You can apply this to any particular thing you want to experience. So you want to fuck a black girl, Hispanic girl, a girl with fake boobs, a girl with a fat ass, have a threesome, or whatever. All of these things are not only doable, but are not even that difficult. You don’t have to pay for sex to do it.
If you want to argue that paying for sex to get these things takes less time, then that’s fine, provided you’ve met the two criteria I described at the top of this article.
Argument 4: There’s nothing wrong with trying it once.
Raise your hand if you know anyone who’s fucked a prostitute or sugar baby just once and then literally never did it again.
I don’t see any hands.
Stupid argument. If you do it once, you’ll do it again. And again, and again. The fact that it’s so easy is why it’s so addictive.
I have received numerous emails from men over the years who “can’t stop” paying for sex once they’ve tried it. As just one example, I have someone in my own family who is literally addicted to Seeking Arrangement. He goes on there and pays for hot younger women to fuck him, and he literally can’t stop even though he’s tried several times. Last year he went into counseling for this. And by the way, he is a decent-looking, physically fit, high-income guy in his 30s who could easily fuck hot younger women for free, and in a healthy way, if he just learned the same techniques that I learned when I was his age.
Argument 5: Old guys who want to fuck hot, young women have no choice. They have to pay for it.
That depends on what you mean by “old.”
If you’re talking about men who are over the age of 60, then you are correct. Once you’re over 60, if you want to bang young hotties, you’re going to have to throw some money around. I have said this many times and for many years.
If you’re taking about an “old-ish” guy (over 40 or so) who has really let his looks go (gotten fat, bald, shitty skin, dresses like shit, etc), then that guy would be long-term happier if he cleaned up his health and appearance, rather than compounding his beta male status by paying for sex.
By the way, this has nothing to do with women. Even if that dumpy guy wants to go extreme MGTOW and never have sex with a woman for the rest of his life, he should still clean up his health and appearance, as I explained here.
If you’re talking about guys in their 40’s, then no, you are wrong. I’m in my forties and I have sex with younger women all the time, for free. Hundreds, if not thousands of men reading this blog are also in their 40’s doing the same.
If you’re talking about guys in their 50’s, then no, you are still wrong, though I agree the difficulty bar is raised somewhat. Regardless, I personally know eight men who are in their 50’s and are dating women in their twenties right now, from ages 23 to 29, for free, without giving them any money. These are men I personally know, not just random guys I’ve seen post on a blog or forum somewhere.
Only two of these men I would say are good-looking. The rest are typical looking guys, though none of them are fat; they all take decent care of themselves (as you should if you’re that old). One of them is wealthy, and one other is on the wealthy side, but the other six are not rich at all; they have typical incomes that you would expect of a man in his 50’s ($50,000 per year and up), living normal lifestyles.
These guys take all the usual advice I give older guys. Take care of your appearance, put in the numbers, don’t get discouraged by low response rates, focus on Type 2 VYW and ignore the Type 1’s and 3’s, don’t act like a creeper, don’t be a beta, don’t try to act younger, etc. It takes time and effort, but it’s not that hard.
I’m about to turn 45 in a few weeks. That means I’ll be in my 50’s in just five years, and I will still be messing around with younger women from time to time, for free. Just watch.
Seriously, some of you older guys are just as full of excuses as the Millennials. Stop with the fucking excuses.
Argument 6: It’s okay to do it if you’re working on your dating skills at the same time.
No, it’s not. Getting laid by paying for it will actually produce a disincentive to put in the work necessary to get good at dating. Why spend all that time meeting women at the mall or sending out hundreds of online openers when you can just whip out $200 and get laid right now? If you keep doing that, you’ll stop focusing on the work necessary to learn how to get laid for free.
And then you’ll suffer all the negative consequences I outlined in the first article about this.
This is why many guys recommend that you don’t masturbate at all when trying to get laid with new women. Sometimes you need all the incentive you can get. You murder that incentive if you’re paying for sex when you need it.
That’s fine and I agree, provided you’ve also met those two criteria: you can easily get laid with new women for free, and you can easily afford it based on your income, expenses, and financial picture. I myself am looking at this option for my future, but I’ve already met those two criteria a very long time ago.
If you have an MLTR/OLTR but can’t afford it, then NO, you should not be paying for sex until you clean up your financial life.
If you have an OLTR girlfriend or wife but are the typical guy and have no idea how to get out into the real world and have sex with two or more women within 30 days for free, starting from scratch, then NO, you should not be paying for sex until you learn how to do this.
Once you’ve met both of those criteria, if you want to start paying for side-women, I have no problem with this and may even do it myself someday.
Argument 8: It’s okay to do it if you’re a virgin and want to get from A to B quickly.
This is the one argument that I agree with, and the one exception to my rule here. Yes, if you’re a virgin, it will be easier to get laid for free if you’ve already had sex, and if you’re terrified of escalating to sex (a common problem with virgins), seeing a hooker two to four times is a valid technique that I have recommended before.
Note that I said two to four times, not seeing hookers regularly. Bang a hooker two to four times so you’re comfortable with the concept of having sex, then stop seeing her, don’t ever see another hooker, and get out into the world and start having sex for free like a normal human being.
Argument 9: It’s okay to do it if you can pay to have sex with a really hot type of girl you can’t get in real life.
This is the same as argument 3, so refer back to that one. If you feel that you can’t fuck hot girls, then you need to learn how to. If you pay to have sex with hot girls, it will simply re-enforce your (incorrect) feeling that you can’t get hot girls unless you pay for it. Horrible!
Argument 10: I agree it would be bad to do it all the time, but doing it every once and a while is okay.
Huh? How so? No. Doing it “once and a while” is still doing it regularly, thus you will suffer all the negatives I outlined in the first article on this.
Argument 11: It’s easy for you to say BD, because you’re not ugly. Ugly guys’ only option is to pay for sex.
1. Look, Mr. Excuses, if you’re a burn victim with a scarred, Freddy Kruger face, or you have an obvious physical deformity like Quasimodo, then okay, you’ll probably have to pay for sex. But this kind of thing is well within the 2% rule and only a tiny percentage of men are going to have this issue.
2. If you’re “ugly,” it likely means you have a few things about your appearance you can fix. Lose weight, fix your teeth, address your thinning hair, or whatever. Do whatever you need to do to fix your appearance, which you should do regardless of sex. Don’t just throw your arms up in the air in surrender and say that you just have to pay for sex the rest of your life. That not only makes you a beta, but a loser as well.
3. I have personally coached hundreds of men over the years, perhaps over a thousand in some form or fashion. I can tell you for a fact that the majority of men who self-identify as “ugly” are not ugly. They are perfectly normal-looking and just think they’re ugly because of self-esteem issues, shitty upbringings, or just plain inexperience with women. Many times, guys who have told me they can’t get laid “because they’re ugly” were better-looking than me! I’m serious here and I’m not exaggerating.
If you seriously think you’re “ugly,” then email me a picture of yourself and I’ll tell you objectively if you’re ugly. There’s at least a 90% chance that my response will be either “you’re not ugly at all” or “you’d be fine if you just fixed this one problem (weight, hair, teeth, etc).”
Argument 12: It’s a simple cost benefit analysis. If I make $10,000 an hour, then I can pay $500 an hour for a sex, so it’s no problem.
You mean it’s no problem financially. It is a problem for you mentally since you will build up the false belief that you can only get laid (or get laid with hot girls) if you pay for it. This will damage your self-esteem and various other things. This is why there are two criteria, not just one; you should be able to afford it AND you should be able to get laid without having to pay for it. Under those two conditions, if you still want to pay for it, go right ahead.
(Excuses give me a headache.)