Physical touch, when used correctly in a dating environment, is a huge attractor on several levels. Not only does it feel good, but it also demonstrates massive confidence and a very strong, sexual, Alpha EFA. Win all over the place. This is commonly called kino, and it’s a critical component of your dating process pre-sex.
Kino differs from sexual escalation, and I’ve noticed a lot of confusion over these two terms. Kino is the act of touching a woman during a first date/meet environment where you have not yet had sex with her and don’t actually plan on having sex with her at that moment. Sexual escalation means exactly what it says. It’s touching a woman with the full intent of moving that touching to sex within a few minutes.
My dating model looks like this (click to zoom image):
Under my model, you have a very fast (one hour), very inexpensive first date, followed up quickly by a second date at your place, where you escalate to sex. Once you get good at this model, you’ll be having sex within 3-5 hours of face time. (My average time under this system is about three hours of face time.) It’s the most repeatable and reliable fast model I know of, despite the fact that it’s broken out into two separate “dates,” as opposed to trying to have sex with women on the very first date/meet, which means you’re going to have to spend a lot of time battling ASD (which means either putting in way more numbers, or having much longer first dates).
If you’re following my model, then kino is something you do on the first date, wheras sexual escalation is something you do on the second date.
If I’m on a first date with a woman and I’m touching her in some way (her arms, her hair, her back, whatever), it is not my intention of getting to sex right then and there, or even that evening. Instead, my kino is a way for me to increase attraction, both from the physical aspect (touching) and the mental aspect (demonstrating I’m a confident, outcome independent guy).
There is another type of kino called “incidental kino,” where you touch a woman on a first date/meet but do so seemingly by accident. Examples would be “accidentally” brushing her arm, or leaning over and touching her shoulder, seemingly to better hear what she’s saying.
Personally, I think incidental kino is for pussies. If you want to touch her hands or her hair, just be a man and do it. That’s Alpha. If she gets horrified and slaps your hand away, then fine, but the number of first dates I’ve had is well into the triple digits, and I’ve literally never had anything like this happen. (To be clear, I’m talking about daygame, social circle game, or a first date via online dating. I cannot speak about night game since I have no experience with it.)
The point here is that no matter how aggressive, romantic, or wimpy your touching is on a first date, it should never be your intention of moving to sex via that touching if you’re following the dating model I describe in my books. Before you say it, yes, yes, as always there are unusual exceptions, and sometimes you’ll be on a first date with a woman who is so horny and into you that you won’t have to wait until a second date to have sex, but these are the exceptions, not the rule, and not what you will typically experience (particularly if the woman is over age 33).
Sexual escalation is touching, but is very different than kino. During kino, you’re likely on a first date/meet and in a public place. During sexual escalation, you’re alone with her, at your place or hers, sitting on a couch or a bed. It’s funky time, and sexual escalation is phase one.
Thus, sexual escalation is much more aggressive and sexual. Of course if she says no you have to stop, but if she doesn’t, you proceed until you’re having sex.
Many guys make the mistake of mixing these two things up. For example, lots of guys (usually Alphas) actually engage in sexual escalation with a woman on a first date, in public, without any verification if she’s attracted yet, and without verifying any logistics as to whether or not she can actually have sex in the next hour, based on her logistical and time constraints.
This is stupid and will simply result in lots of first dates that go nowhere. You’ll text her the next day, she won’t respond, and you’ll never hear from her again. You were too much of a player. This is one of the many reasons why I give the advice of never kissing a woman on a first date (unless you know for 100% sure you’re going to have sex on that first date). It kills sexual tension and spikes buyer’s remorse (post-date ASD), reducing the odds that you’ll ever see her again.
Another example, and one that’s more common, are guys (usually betas) who have an interested woman, alone at their house, sitting on their bed or couch, and they (the guys) engage in kino instead of sexual escalation. They touch her, but do so playfully instead of sexually. Maybe they kiss her a little bit, but that’s it. They’re too scared to sexually escalate, no sex occurs, and eventually the woman, who probably wanted to have sex (or at least get more sexual than playful kino) leaves, confused and often turned off.
Don’t mix these two things up! Kino is what you do on the first date and sexual escalation is what you do on the second date, assuming you’re both in a private, safe place on that second date. (Otherwise, you’re going to sadly have to go for sex on the third date.) Mixing these two things up is going to result in lots of wasted time for you in your dating life. Don’t do it.