A reader, Kyle, recently asked a very interesting question:
Here’s a theoretical question I’m curious to hear your answer to. Although I feel that sex is probably the most enjoyable thing about being a man, at the same time, I have often found myself looking forward to old age and what comes with it: my dick not giving a shit about women anymore. I have often thought about how much more time, money, and accomplishments I would have under my belt, if not for the pursuit of sex.
This TRT, not only costs a good bit of money, but it also makes you want MORE sex, which also equals more time and more money spent on women.
Imagine eating a meal and just being full for the rest of your life. Say you could do that with sex. Just be full. No desire. Over it. Would you consider it?
I remember back when I was a young man, just starting out in the business world. I was sitting at my desk one day, hard at work as always. By about 1pm, I got hungry and had to stop and eat. It pissed me off that I had to pause my fantastic work flow to do something as stupid and primitive as eating.
So I pulled away from my computer, grabbed my backpack, and pulled out my lunch, grumbling all the way. I turned to my co-worker and said, “You know, eating is a nuisance.”
She thought for a minute, started nodding, and said, “Yeah. Eating is a nuisance.”
“I’d rather just work,” I said. “Now I have to stop and eat just because my stupid body needs food? This is bullshit. It’s stupid. Look at all the time and effort we spend looking for food, eating food, worrying about food. Man, what a nuisance.”
I’m much more at peace with the human body’s need for food these days. As I’ve said before, men in their 20’s, like I was back then, tend to be bitchy, touchy stress-balls. However, I still generally agree with the sentiment that eating is sort of a pain in the ass.
Kyle is basically saying, or at least asking the same thing about sex. Yes, we want sex. Yes, we enjoy sex. But what if we didn’t need or desire it at all?
This is a complicated question that needs to be addressed from several different angles.
Lack of Function Does Not Denote Lack of Desire
Before we answer this question, we need to get to an incorrect supposition within the question itself. Kyle is saying that one of the reasons he’s looking forward to being an old man is because he won’t want sex anymore. His body probably won’t be able to have sex (he assumes), therefore he won’t want sex at all. All that time, effort and worry around sex and women… gone! Won’t that be nice?
I’ve heard this opinion voiced by other men. It’s a nice thought, but it’s incorrect. Just because your cock or body doesn’t work well enough to have sex doesn’t mean you won’t want sex. You still will.
I’ve talked before about the horny old men I’ve seen in business meetings and at grocery stores. These are really, really old guys who lost the ability to have sex a very long time ago (even things like Viagra won’t help them), yet they’re still just as horny as teenagers. They make lewd comments towards women and even do things like grab their butts. (And these old bastards often get away with it, since women view them as “harmless old men.” If you or I did such a thing, we’d go straight to jail.)
I have seen the same thing with wounded vets who become trapped in wheelchairs and who lose the ability to have sex. Trust me, these guys still want to have sex just as bad as you or I, if not more so.
Therefore, this fantasy that someday you’ll be “too old to want sex” is not very likely. It’s possible I suppose, since testosterone levels and sex drive indeed decline with age, but I’ve run into way too many very old men (80+ years) who are just as horny as any other guy, functioning cock or not. You may not be able to have sex, but the odds are very good that you’ll still want it.
You WILL Be Able To “Take A Pill” Someday
Another angle to this is that, in our lifetimes, you indeed will be able to take a pill (or get a shot, or engage in some other simple medical procedure) that will either re-write your DNA or re-write your brain neurons so you will indeed not desire sex at all, if that’s what you really want. So Kyle’s hypothetical is not going to be hypothetical soon; it’s going to be part of everyday life.
With technologies such as CRISPR, you’ll be able to design or modify your body in pretty much any way you want. If you want to cure your alcoholism or get to 8% body fat, you’ll be able to take a pill or inject something and within a few weeks, boom, you’re there. This is even before viable nanotechnology (which we should have in place by the 2040’s). As I talk a lot over at my other blog, people have no idea the magnitude of changes that are coming to the human condition, and are coming very soon (well within our lifetimes).
The problem here is that, as I talked about in detail here, sex is good for you physically and mentally. If you stop having sex, you will eventually suffer mental and physical problems. Go read that article for the details.
One counterargument to this is that in the future when you can “take a pill” and remove your desire for sex, by then, we should be able to fix or alleviate any physical negatives from lack of sex as well. That’s probably true. However, today these are still issues that need to be factored in. Today, if you go without sex, it’s bad for you to some degree, period.
Thus, the hypothetical must be modified to say, “If you could take a pill that would remove your desire for sex AND you would have zero mental or physical side effects from never having sex again, would you do it?”
Yep, Having a High Sex Drive Can Be a Problem
I have admitted several times that I consider having a higher than average sex drive is a slight disadvantage in life. I have a sex drive that is much higher than most men, and I’ve been this way my entire life (or at least since I lost my virginity in my early 20’s). Just like my shitty low metabolism, this strong desire for sex is something I’ve had to learn to manage and integrate into my long-term happy, Alpha Male 2.0 life. Luckily for me, I had my sex life “handled” (as Eben Pagan used to say) about eight or nine years ago, so today it isn’t a problem. My Alpha 2.0 life of FB’s and MLTR’s (and today, an OLTR and FB’s) is more than enough to handle any sexual desires I have. I have sex at least three times a week, every week, and have done so for almost ten years. I literally never have dry spells.
Yet, I admit there have been times when I was envious of men with normal sex drives. I’d see guys go without sex for an entire month or more and not seem bothered by it at all. I’d think, “Man, that would be nice. To just shut if off for a while so I can focus on work.”
As I write these words, I’m into my second week in Shanghai. Since I don’t usually have sex when I travel internationally (it’s the only time I’m too excited to think about it), and since I’m not attracted to Chinese women at all, I haven’t had sex in about 10 days. That’s an unusually long amount of time for me to go without sex. And yeah, I’m starting to “feel” it a little. It would be nice to not feel that urge.
I also semi-regularly get emails from guys who are worried they have no sex drive, and what to do about it. I’m always amused by this. I ask them what the problem is, and I often joke that I’d love to have that “problem.”
My answer to these men is to ask them if they have any other negative symptoms, like lack of sleep, low motivation in life, laziness, moodiness, or similar problems. If they answer yes, I tell them to get some blood tests and perhaps see a doctor. But if they answer no, I tell them to not worry about it and get on with their happy life. If you’re truly happy, there’s no need to change anything.
It is also true that going on TRT will increase your sex drive, even if your sex drive was already high to begin with. As I talked about in my posts about this, my sex drive did indeed increase even though it was already high. For the first few months on TRT, I felt like a ravenous sex monster, and my already high level of sexual activity noticeably increased. Yet, as always, I integrated that into my lifestyle and now it’s okay. It’s become my new normal. (Thank god I’m not a beta or a monogamous Alpha 1.0, or else I’d have a serious life problem on my hands. Absolute sexual monogamy can not work for the high sex drive man, or woman for that matter.)
But yes, to be clear, having a high sex drive is indeed a disadvantage in life since it requires you to take extra time and effort to manage that and integrate that aspect into your life, something most “normal” men won’t need to do, or at least won’t need to do as much.
A Healthy Sex Drive Is Closely Associated with Other Positive Traits
Sex drive, at least the male kind, is not a trait that is isolated from everything else. Rather, it is almost always linked to other traits that will really help you in life, such as:
1. Higher levels of daily energy
2. A stronger drive for goal achievement (in business, fitness, women, or whatever)
3. A more optimistic view of the world and/or your own future
4. A more masculine and perhaps more confident personality (making you more attractive to women, and to a degree, men as well)
This is exactly why I say Alpha Males who promise monogamy are lying, either to the woman or to themselves. Dynamic, motivated, confident, masculine, driven men usually have much higher sex drives. It’s all connected. You could almost think of male sex drive not as a single trait, but as one trait in a basket of other traits that are all hard-coded together.
So if I “took a pill” that blasted my high sex drive down to zero, it would also likely reduce my energy levels, drive, motivation, and zest for life, at least to the point where I and others would notice. Holy hell, that’s the last thing I want! It is these very traits that have allowed me to accomplish my goals, and that I’ll need to hit future goals, of which I have many. It is these traits that give me the edge over most other men, many of whom are smarter and/or better-looking than me, but who have normal or lower sex drives.
It’s true that in the future we may be able to manipulate the human brain or DNA to “surgically” remove just sex drive without disturbing anything else in our personalities, but until that day arrives, it’s extremely dangerous to assume that sex drive can or should be reduced because all that happens is that you’ll want less sex. No, your masculine drive will suffer as well. I’ve seen this with many men as they age, my own father included. Yeah, the sex drive goes down, but so does overall happiness levels and zest for life. No thank you.
So Would I Take That Fucking Pill?
You’ll notice I haven’t actually answered the question yet. That’s because I needed to provide the entire above context for my answer. Now that you have that context, here’s my response.
Question 1: Would I take a pill that reduced my sex drive to zero for the rest of my life, so that I never needed to worry about getting sex again?
My Answer: No, because I would lose other key aspects of my personality that are hugely valuable and important to me. Keeping the high sex drive, even with the “overhead” it causes in my life, is more than worth having those positive traits.
Question 2: Okay, what if the pill eliminated your sex drive for the rest of your life while allowing you to keep all of those traits, and ensuring that you never suffered any negative mental or physical side effects?
My Answer: While I’m now very tempted, my answer is still no. Even if I had no sex drive, there would be scenarios I can envision having in my future where I would want to want to have a sex drive and enjoy sex, even if for a little while.
For example, I really like riding on big, super-fast roller coasters. I’ve ridden on many and can’t wait to ride some more. If you waved a magic wand and completely eliminated this desire from my personality, even if you kept everything else the same, I’m pretty sure I would be a little sad, or at least concerned, just like those emails I get from men worrying that they have no sex drive. I remember how fun those roller coasters were, and I can envision wanting to want to go on one again. So my answer is still no, tempting as I admit it is.
Question 3: Okay, okay. Let’s say you could take that pill, but at any time, you could take an antidote that would instantly return your high sex drive back to you. You could go “on” and “off” the pill any time you liked, as much as you wanted, with no side effects for either, without affecting any of your motivation or drive. Now would you take it?
My Answer: Yes, now I would take it. If I was 100% assured that it worked the way you say it would in your hypothetical, and I saw lots of other men do this successfully over a period of several years (I would not be an early adopter; not even close), then sure, I’d probably do it. The ability to temporarily switch off my sex drive would be a helpful feature to my body, provided everything else about my happy, motivated personality was unchanged.
Hopefully now you understand how the issue of male sex drive is not as simple as it seems. For now, I’ll stick with it.
But hey, who knows what the future holds?