Those of you who don’t have kids and literally never want any kids can take the day off today. This article is for the other 95% of you who either have kids or will want kids when you get older.
Having children is such an important topic that it’s the only topic in my book where I devote two entire chapters to it. I have (with the help of their mother of course) raised two kids. My son is 25 and my daughter is 19. Both of them are happy and healthy, and neither of them have ever had any problems with things like drugs, alcohol, pregnancies, or any other behavioral issues. So while I don’t consider myself a parenting expert, I do consider myself a reasonably successful father.
In the fatherhood section of my Alpha Male 2.0 lifestyle book, I describe how the Alpha 2.0 should have two primary goals when it comes to raising children:
1. Demonstrating unconditional love, meaning that your kids know with 100% certainty that you love them even if they make choices in their lives (particularly their adult lives) that you disagree with. Indeed, the only forms of unconditional love a human being can have are for his children and perhaps a pet. (Romantic love is never unconditional. Neither is familial love like the love you have for a sibling or parent.) Failure to instill a feeling of unconditional love will create children that will spend the rest of their lives fearful and/or angry, requiring to undo the damage you did via therapy.
2. Teaching them the law of cause and effect, meaning that your kids need to fully understand that if they do something bad, painful things will happen to them, and if they do something good, happy things will happen to them. Failure to do this creates kids who will grow up as pampered, lazy, pussified, entitled princes and princesses who sit on their asses and wait around for other people to make them happy, and get furious when this doesn’t happen (coughmillennialscough).
Beta males have a tough time with item number 2.
Women, particularly single mothers, have a really hard time with item 2 to the point where it’s almost impossible for them.
Alpha Male 1.0’s are great with item 2, but have a really tough time with item 1.
It’s your job as an Alpha Male 2.0 father to instill both items 1 and 2 within your children during the 18 years you are responsible for them. Do that, and your kids will grow up to become happy, fulfilled adults.
I talk about how to do these things at length in my book, but I don’t talk about your actual responsibilities to your kids beyond these two required goals. Are you indeed “responsible” for your kids? What exactly are you responsible for? When do these responsibilities end, if ever?
Your Children As They Age
I’ve said many times that everything in your life is your fault. It’s true. However, this only applies to adults. Kids are not adults. They hold neither responsibility nor freedom (which are required for each other). This means that you are responsible for your kids while they are kids and not adults.
For the purposes of this article, I will assume that the age of 18 is where a “kid” becomes an “adult.” I don’t agree with that age, and believe strongly that in the modern, high-tech era of the Western world, the age of legal adulthood should be 16, not 18. That means at age 16, you’re an adult and can legally own property, sign contracts, have sex, get married, drive or rent cars, drink alcohol, go to war, vote, and everything else. However, since society clearly can’t think rationally about teenagers, Societal Programming has stupidly chose the ages of 18 and 21 for these things, so I will defer to that. At age 18, you’re an adult. Okay.
This means that from age zero to age 18, that kid is your responsibility. Every time I see a child or teenager act completely inappropriately, I place 100% blame on the parents. I strongly believe there is no such thing as bad kids, only bad parents, and the more kids and parents I meet and know, the more evidence I see backing this up.
My kids never screamed inappropriately in public, never did drugs, never got into fights, never broke the law, etc. This is because my kids had good parents. If their mother or I sucked as parents, this would not have been the case. Either way, it would have been our fault as parents, not the kids’.
(However, as I’ve said many times, this changes once the kids are 18. If you’re 25, 30, or 35, and you’re a complete screw-up, you can’t blame your parents. That’s your fault. You’re not a kid anymore; you’re an adult, thus responsible for your own life.)
This means that yes, you are responsible for those little bastards until they turn 18, regardless of if you want to be responsible or not. This is why you need to do some strong thinking before you ever make the decision to have kids. Remember that having kids will make you less overall happy for about 20 years, so be very careful.
Every year a kid ages, he or she takes on a little more self-responsibility. A five year-old has zero self-responsibility, but a 15 year-old has some; not 100% yet, but some. When that 15 year-old finally becomes 18, he now is 100% self-responsible, even if he doesn’t want to be (and most 18 year-olds don’t want to be; most 18 year-olds are complete pussies who still want to suck at their momma’s tit, especially today). When I was 18, I moved out of my parent’s house as fast as I could. I couldn’t wait to be an adult, be free, live my life, and make money. This was impossible for me to do as a child.
So when a kid turns 18, your responsibly as a parent is over. I said your responsibility is over; I didn’t say your relationship or your love is over, just your responsibility. Since both my kids are now adults (over 18), I don’t feel responsible for them anymore. I still love them, I still want the best for them, I will still advise them if they ask for advice, I will still help them if/when they need help (within reason), but their lives are their own now. They’re not my responsibility. Since I (hopefully) instilled within them the law of cause and effect and my unconditional love, they’re now equipped to go out into the world and live their own lives.
Your Responsibility To Your Son
It is your responsibility to your son to not raise him to be a pussy. This is difficult, since both Societal Programming and his own mother will be teaching him the exact opposite, even if his mother is living with you and you’re both getting along.
Your son needs to understand that once he’s an adult, no one will take care of him. Unlike his sister, he doesn’t have the option of someday getting a wife or girlfriend who will take care of him financially, pay his bills, and/or pay his debts for him. Nope, he’s going to have to actually go to work to do all of that himself.
Your son needs to fully understand concepts of self-discipline, objectivity, goal setting, hard work, individualism, and perseverance. These are good concepts for your daughter as well, but they’re doubly, if not triply important for your son.
Your son also needs to understand the two greatest killers of men in the modern era: oneitis and debt. He needs to understand the ridiculously powerful, magical power women have over men, and how to avoid it while still getting what he wants and needs from women (namely sex, and possibly companionship). He also needs to know how destructive debt is, and how to stay away from it, particularly if you’re an American.
Your Responsibility To Your Daughter
It’s your responsibility to your daughter to instill in her realistic expectations of the world, particularly men and finances. Both her mother and Societal Programming are going to fill your daughter’s head with towering amounts of bullshit Disney; namely about how great everything will be when she finds the right guy, how men are supposed to behave, how great college is, and various aspects of left-wing politics.
Your job is to combat all of this. Your role as a father is to show your daughter the real truths about men, life, and money, even if it seems wrong or painful. You can see an example of how I did this with my daughter here. Your daughter needs to understand that there is no perfect man, and that making her own money to some degree will likely be necessary at various points in her life. She also needs to understand that her desirability as a woman has a time limit to it, and that she needs to financially prepare for that time in her life when she’s old enough that she can’t rely on a man to take care of her or to not dump her for a younger woman.
Your daughter needs to fully understand the concepts of self-reliance, investing, the failure of monogamy and marriage, fitness, false Societal Programming, and critical thinking. She needs to know that society is constantly lying to her about most important issues, and how to sift through the bullshit.
I have a lot more to say about all this, but that will have to do for today. As you can see, raising kids is a monumental task, and one of the biggest, longest-term projects you will ever take on as a man. As always, before you have kids, you need to make sure that A) you want them badly, and for the right reasons, and B) you wait until you have achieved most of your big goals in life before you do it. For most men, that means age 40 or beyond.