Yes, we’re going to talk about this. If my email is any indication, a lot of you guys, including you younger guys, are wrestling with this problem to some degree. Some of you have problems getting hard consistently; others of you have it every once in a while under certain conditions. We’ll cover all of these today.
Please note that I am not a doctor, have no medical training, and I am not rendering medical advice. I’m just a guy who has studied sex from a masculine perspective for many years and know a few things. As always, talk to your doctor for more detailed information.
There are two causes of erectile dysfunction (ED). The first is mental, the second is physical. Usually, men under age 40 are dealing with mental and men over 40 are dealing with physical, though of course there are many exceptions to both of these generalizations.
This distinction is really important because I see a lot of men who have a mental problem attack the problem as if it’s physical and waste a huge amount of time, emotions, and money. So if you’re having a problem with your Johnson, you need to come to a complete stop and first determine if the problem is mental or physical before you do anything else.
Whenever you experience problems getting hard or staying hard, you need to ask yourself several questions:
1. Are you able to get hard and stay hard when you are masturbating by yourself?
2. Are you able to get hard and stay hard when you are having sex with someone else, other than the woman you encountered the problem with?
3. If you were wearing a condom when you had the problem, are you able to get hard and stay hard when you don’t use one?
If the answer is yes to any of the above questions, your problem is likely mental, not physical.
How To Deal With Mental ED
If you are able to get hard and stay hard in certain situations and not other situations, then this means you have some kind of mental block, or nervousness (either conscious or unconscious), or inexperience regarding the scenario in which you are experiencing ED.
Using myself as an example, I’ve talked before about how the first time I had sex with a woman after being monogamously married for nine years, I had trouble getting it up. I never had trouble getting it up with the ex-wife while I was married. Yet, as soon as I got divorced and had sex with a new woman, my cock wouldn’t cooperate and I had trouble.
The good news is after a few times of having sex with that new woman, I was able to get hard and stay hard and never had a problem again.
Also, when I lost my virginity, I couldn’t get it up. After her and I had sex about three or four times, finally I was able to get it up, and everything was fine from that point forward.
In both cases, I experienced ED, but the problem was 100% mental. There was nothing physiologically wrong with me. I was just inexperienced. Once I did what I was doing a few more times, I subconsciously relaxed, and I was able to have sex.
A key point here is in both cases, I was not consciously nervous at all. I seriously did not feel nervous or self conscious in any way. Quite the opposite; I was very excited to have sex. This is why it was so strange that my cock didn’t work.
A lot of guys experience the same thing. They have a scenario where they aren’t nervous, their dick doesn’t work, so they incorrectly assume they have some kind of physical problem.
I italicized the word consciously above because while I was not consciously nervous, my subconscious was nervous as hell. It was in a scenario it had not yet encountered (or hadn’t encountered in a very long time) so it wasn’t able to send the correct instructions to my cock to “turn on.” In other words, I was nervous in some way; I just didn’t realize it.
What’s the cure to mental ED? There are several ways.
The best cure is practice. If you have trouble getting hard or staying hard with new women, or younger women, or when you do a threesome, or whatever the scenario is, then you need to do more of that scenario. Keep doing it over and over again. Soon, I promise, your cock will start to “understand” as your subconscious nervousness goes away.
I have given this advice to lots of men over the years, and it’s helped damn near 100% of them who were not also experiencing a physical problem.
What if this advice doesn’t help? In other words, what if you know for sure that you don’t have a physical problem and practicing doesn’t help? For example, when you jerk off, you get hard and stay hard without any problem, but you can’t get it up during sex after trying it ten times.
If that’s the case, you have some kind of psychological problem that is beyond the scope of this article, and you may need to see a counselor, therapist, or sex therapist as soon as you can to uncover what’s wrong with your mental views of sex and intimacy.
We also need to talk about porn. As this video well describes, incidents of ED with men under age 40 have skyrocketed since 2008, going from 2-4% to as high as 35%(!). (I highly recommend that video, by the way.) What’s changed in society since 2008? Ubiquitous streaming internet porn! Numerous studies have shown that watching internet porn is a direct cause of ED, and the more easily you can switch between different porn clips while you jerk off (like on Pornhub), the worse your ED becomes.
If you’re under 40 and have a lot of trouble getting or staying hard during sex, you may need to go cold turkey on the porn for 90 days. Again, studies have shown a noticeable positive difference with men who do this.
One more common cause of mental ED, and one people don’t like to talk about, is that you might be having sex with a woman (or women) who aren’t very attractive. I hate to be so simple, but this is the case more often than you might think. Numerous men who cheat on their old, fat wives will tell you with a smile on their face that when they hook up with a young, hot girl, their ED “magically” vanishes and suddenly their dick is as hard as a rock.
Obviously I’m against cheating; I’m for non-monogamous relationships instead, where all the drama, bullshit, and sneaking around when cheating isn’t necessary. The point is your mental ED might just be because you’re not very sexually attracted to the woman or women you’re having sex with. It’s something to consider.
Lastly, it is technically possible to deal with mental ED using physical means, such as just taking Viagra or Cialis. That will work. However, in my opinion this is a poor long-term strategy. You are putting a band-aid on a real problem with your sexual ability. I think you should cure the underlying problem so that you don’t need to pop a pill every time you have sex, or have sex under certain conditions.
Now let’s deal with the other side of the coin; when you actually have a physical problem.
How To Deal With Physical ED
Physical ED is when you are mentally ready to go, both consciously and subconsciously, but you actually have a physical problem within your body preventing your cock from getting and staying hard despite any pleasurable stimuli during sex and masturbation.
Physical ED takes many forms. Maybe you can’t get hard. Maybe you can get somewhat hard, but not 100% hard. Maybe you can get hard, but you can’t say hard for very long. Maybe you can get hard, but can’t stay hard unless you’re experiencing constant stimulation.
I have researched this in great detail, particularly during my initial journey with TRT. I’ve never had a problem with physical ED, but as I got older I could indeed tell a little difference. (Refer to my articles on TRT for more info on that.)
Thus, we need to break physical ED into two categories: “real” physical ED and “age related” physical ED.
Age related physical ED is when a man over 40 can get hard and stay hard, but it’s not quite as 100% hard as it used to be when he was 18 or 20. Everything works fine, and frankly, most women probably won’t even be able to tell a difference (especially if you have a larger cock), but you will notice a slight difference if you vividly remember your sexual experiences when you were a younger man.
Various things will help or cure age-related physical ED that I will cover in a minute, but many doctors tell me that with many men over 40, nothing (including TRT) will ever get that hardness to the precise 100% level it was when you were 20 years old, other than taking some form of chemical enhancement like Viagra or Cialis. You might be able to get it to 90% or even 95% with other means, but you may not be able to get it to 100% without taking some pills.
You might not care, and most guys don’t. As I said, a woman isn’t going to be able to tell between your 100% hardness when you were 20 vs. your 90% hardness now when you’re 50. Whether or not you want to address this is completely up to you.
Now let’s get to “real” physical ED, when, regardless of your age, you have a real physical problem preventing hardness during physical stimulation. If you’re 100% convinced you don’t have mental ED, here’s what you need to do:
1. Blood Test
Step one is to get a blood test, either through your doctor or using an online service (like privateMDlabs.com). If you live in Suicidal Europe or Socialist Australia, this is going to be more difficult, but do the best you can. The tests you need are:
– Testosterone (total and free)
– Estrogen (specifically Estradiol)
– Thyroid (specifically T3, T4, and TSH)
– Vitamin D
If any of these levels are too low or too high, that could probably explain your physical ED. The vast majority of the men reading these words probably have testosterone that’s too low, estrogen that’s too low or too high, thyroid that’s too low or too high, or vitamin D that’s too low.
Work with your doctor to get those levels up naturally. There are numerous ways to do this that are beyond the scope of this article. If you are over age 35 and your testosterone is low, I urge you to consider TRT. Going on TRT was one of the best decisions of my life and dick hardness wasn’t even the reason. Seriously; it’s awesome in terms of focus, happiness, income, fitness, and everything else.
Step two is to get your prostate checked. There are blood tests that test for PSA levels, but the best way, unfortunately, is to get a DRE (digital rectal exam) which is a nice way of saying a doctor needs to put his finger up your butt. Frankly, if you’re over the age of 45, you should be doing this once a year anyway. (Prostate cancer is the number one cause of death for men outside of heart disease.) If you have trouble with your prostate, this can and often does directly affect your sexual performance.
3. Lose Weight
You might need to lose weight. I can tell you from direct experience that my cock worked noticeably better when I lost my 40 pounds. It wasn’t a huge difference, but the difference was noticeable.
4. Natural Supplements
This is very hit or miss. There are lots of natural supplements that supposedly help guys with ED. The results of these, at least based on what I’ve heard, are very spotty. Some guys rave about them, other guys have tried them all and they don’t make any difference.
I can’t recommend any specific supplements; you’ll have to do your own research.
5. Medication (last resort)
As a last resort, you can just take some dick pills. These will work with just about anyone with mental or physical ED. I have a personal aversion to taking pills like this, so you’ll have to make your own decision. I personally have tried both Viagra and Cialis, just for fun, and they definitely “work.” I just recommend moderation with any drug usage. Here’s a list of options.
Viagra – This is a pill you swallow orally, or a “troche” that you dissolve under your tongue that gives you a window of 60-90 minutes where your cock will be hard. Side effects can include a reddening of the face or rapidly beating heart, though the vast majority of men will not suffer any ill effects. Tip: troches are much less expensive than pills (about one-third the cost). The problem is that they need to be refrigerated.
Cialis – A pill or a troche that you take that lasts about 48 hours. Your cock will be noticeably harder during sex at any time during this window. I personally think Cialis is better than Viagra, since the window of time is much larger, but every man’s body is different and will react differently to these drugs.
Alprostadil – This is a syringe that you actually inject into your penis. Yes, you heard me right. You inject it and suddenly you have a rock-hard supercock that lasts about an hour or two. I’ve never done this and probably never will, but I’ve spoken with several really old guys (age 70+) who absolutely love this stuff and swear by it.
All of these things will require a prescription from your doctor, but to be honest, they’re pretty easy to get.
ED is a big topic and I’m sure I will write more about it, but that covers the basics. As always, your physical and mental health should be a priority to you, and if you’re both mentally and physically healthy, you’re not going to have a lot of trouble with this.