When you read about all the aspects of Alpha Male 2.0 that I describe on this blog as well as in great detail in my book, including having location independent income, nonmonogamous relationships with multiple women, and a higher income on a lower amount of work hours per week, it’s easy to visualize how to start working on these things when you’re a single guy, reasonably young, don’t have any kids or a wife, and already live a largely overhead-free lifestyle.
Today, I’m going to talk about you guys who are in the opposite scenario. I’m talking to all the guys out there who are well over age 35, who are already monogamous and probably living with a woman, and are full of “life overhead,” such as kids, debts, a home mortgage, a corporate job that hard to leave, little or no business or women skills, etc.
Even if you are not in this category, the instructions I’m about to give might likely apply to you as well.
Regardless, here are two recent comments that describe this type of man. The first is from Reacher:
I am a 38 yrs old introvert, working a 9 to 5 job, living with a live-in girlfriend and a 2 years old daughter that we have together. I live in a Eastern Europe in a city of about half a million.
Private life – monogamy (sex every couple of weeks as I find no sexual attraction anymore)
Financial life – employee with income being enough to cover my/our expenses, but really going nowhere to the possibility of a secure future (having just a little left for saving at the end of each month)
Social life – non existent, with the exception of a few BBQs with other families
Fitness life – regular trainings in a local gym (the only thing that I really enjoy at the moment)
Adventures – non existent
At my age I should have figured things out a long time ago, at least in starting my own business, but I haven’t. I am honestly pretty clueless where to start.
I’d like to start being my own boss, meet other women and have sex with them, travel the world and have a taste of all that life has to offer to a free man.
I love both of my girls and I have a strong feeling of responsibility towards them, but I am really bored of/hate this way of life.
This comment is from Mark:
I’m 42. I would like to enter Alpha 2.0 life as you described in your books and blogs and become more free, and happy. But I have many barriers to overcome. I have been monogamous past 15 years, no/very little experience with online dating/game, very busy corporate job in West Coast, and have a family with kids that I feel responsibility towards.
I have no idea when I can find time to start blitzes and spend that time (10-20) hours or more you talked about above to upgrade from beginner, or even to start. Top priority seems to have an independent business for being financially free.
Then after few years hopefully becoming financially independent or close, I will get close to 50. From posts above, it seems too late to start? You mentioned after 50 it may be hard to do without paying, especially with young women, so should I even worry about starting the game?
I know that a decent percentage of you reading these words are in Reacher’s and Mark’s situation. When you’re an older guy with such a “normal” life like this, how in the world do you get started? Is it even worth it to get started?
Luckily, this is a topic I know well because I was once this man, or at least close to it. Back in 2007-08, I was a 35 year-old, divorced, dorky-looking beta male with two kids and near-zero game with women. I made decent income, but I had a shitload of debt, all kinds of legal obligations because of my divorce, and was dealing with the chaos of the crash of 2008. I recommend you start reading My History With Women series if you haven’t yet to see what I did. I also recommend you read my book if you have not yet, since I talk about the financial aspects of what I did there as well.
I’m happy to say that within about four years of hard work, I turned all of that around. I became great with women, built up two sources of decent, location independent income, paid off most of my debts (I’m completely debt free today) and today I live the wonderful, free, happy, Alpha 2.0 lifestyle that I describe so often.
Granted, I didn’t have to go through the trouble of opening up a monogamous marriage or live-in relationship, but I was still in a similar boat as many of you older guys are with kids, debts, a static income, a beta male outlook on life, and so on.
If you’re a guy like this and want to live the life I now live, as well as many others in the Alpha 2.0 Community, here’s an overview of what you need to do:
1. Realize that it’s going to take some work. When you’ve been living like a beta for 15 or 20 years, that means its going to take more mental and logistical effort to turn that around. You can still turn it around (I did) but just realize that it’s going to take some work. If you’re not motivated enough to work hard, or to do some temporarily uncomfortable things, or if you don’t want this lifestyle badly, then I honestly wouldn’t even bother with it, and just live the rest of your life as a monogamous beta.
If you are serious about turning it around, and are ready to do what it takes, then proceed to step 2.
2. Write out your ideal life and set some specific goals. I’ve talked about this numerous times in various places, so I’m only going to summarize it here. Sit down and write out how your life would look if it was exactly the way you wanted within 3-5 years; your financial life, your woman life, everything. Be as specific as possible.
Then, using that document, set some very specific goals for your woman life and your financial life. (You could also set some for your fitness life, but I can’t help you with that.) Again, your goals need to be very specific, and you need to assign dates to them. Many times, I’ll coach with monogamous older guys and ask them what their goals are, and they’ll just give me some generic stuff about how they want to “get laid” or “have more sex.”
“I want to get laid,” is not a goal. “I want to bang younger women” is not a goal. Even “I want an open marriage” is not a goal. Instead, you want something like, “By June 1st, 2019, I want two FB’s on the side, who are under the age of 25, in addition to my OLTR wife, and I have the ability to replace those FB’s quickly, whenever I want.” Now that’s a goal.
The same goes for your financial life. “I want my own location independent income like you have, BD!” is not a goal. A goal is something like “By June 1st, 2020, I will have a fully location independent business in the X industry that makes $3500 pretax profit per month that only takes me 20 hours a week or less to maintain.” That’s a goal.
Put up pictures or other images that represent your ideal life and your goals, and look at them often. You’ll need to always remember why you’re doing what you’re doing, because during the day-to-day grind it’s easy to forget.
3. Always follow the Rule of Two, even when you don’t want to. I talk a lot about this in my coaching program. The Rule of Two states that you can only work on one or two goals or areas of improvement at one time. You can have more than two goals (I have many), but you can only work on two of them at a time (one is even better). The human brain isn’t designed to pursue more than two areas of improvement at a time. If you try to work on more than two goals (or two areas you’re trying to improve) at the same time, you’ll just burn yourself out, piss yourself off, and probably not accomplish any of them.
So if you want to master online dating, start a new business, and lose 20 pounds, I’m sorry, but you can’t do all three of those at the same time. You’ve got to pick just two, work on them, and then put the third one on temporary hold until you get one of the first two in a zone where you want. Then you can start working on the third one. In time, you’ll get all three.
You’ve got to be patient! Again, you can’t undo 10, 15, or 20 years of beta behavior with just a few months of Alpha behavior. It’s going to take a little more time.
4. If you are monogamous, rectify that immediately. Being monogamous, especially for more than two years, is a sea anchor that will weigh down everything else in your life as a man; you’ve to stop that ASAP. This is done by either getting a divorce and paying the emotional and financial price necessary (which is worth it, trust me), or by opening up your marriage/relationship whether she wants to or not.
Both of these options require a degree of balls. If you don’t have the balls to do this, then have fun being a mediocre beta for the rest of your life. If, on the other hand, you’re tired of being a slave and living a life of a mouse instead of a lion, then either divorce that bitch (and read this) or buy my book on how to convert a monogamous relationship/marriage to an open one. It gives step-by-step instructions from many men who have done this successfully.
I’m not going to lie to you; both of these options are emotionally difficult and will dampen your life for a while. It doesn’t matter, because they’re both more than worth it, and you can’t imagine how happy you’ll be once they’re done. I’m very serious about this.
5. Start a small business on the side. While you’re still working your 9-5 bullshit corporate job, start a business on the side by using my book and other business resources available to you. The very brief summary on how to do this is:
- Find a market niche, ideally with a decent amount of money, that has a problem or severe need that you can help with.
- Come up with a product, service, or information that fixes this problem or helps fulfill this need.
- Set up a purchasing mechanism so that you can sell this item and get money, as well as a website if needed (and it isn’t always needed; one of my Alpha 2.0 businesses is completely offline).
- Market the shit out of your business and always have marketing be your overall focus. Don’t get distracted with other business tasks! Marketing is always the most important thing!
6. Go slow. Get started now, and get to work, but don’t try to bite off more than you can chew all at once, right at the get-go. Unless you’re already a very motivated, organized workaholic like me, you need to take baby steps with this stuff, or else you’ll get discouraged fast. Maybe you work on your marriage first (divorce or convert to open), then when you get that squared away, focus on getting good with women, then when that’s more or less okay, start your business. That all might take three, four, or even five years, and that’s okay! Baby steps! Don’t burn yourself out! You’ve got plenty of time.
7. Adjust your sexual expectations based on your age. While there are always unusual exceptions to everything I say, here’s the general breakdown as it relates to game and older men:
If you’re age 35-39, just go for it. Learn all the usual online dating / real life dating / relationship management tools. No major changes are needed.
If you’re in your 40’s, you’re officially an “older man,” but you’re still able to get laid. Learn all the usual stuff, but if you want to date women under the age of about 28, you’ll have to calibrate your game to get good with younger women. I strongly suggest you get my older man / younger woman ebook if that’s the case. If you have a higher income, sugar daddy game is also an option if you wish. You’d better be able to easily afford it though. Read this article and this one.
If you’re in your 50’s, things get a little more complicated. There are two types of men in their 50’s. The first type are men who are still reasonably physically fit, have decent skin, have a (reasonably) full head of hair (or a completely shaved head) and know how to dress well. If that’s you, in terms of women, you’re essentially a man in his 40’s, so follow the above directions for men in their 40’s.
The other type of guy in his 50’s, a much more common type, is the typical 50’s beta male who’s really let himself go after decades of monogamy. He’s chubby (or way too skinny), balding, has shitty skin/teeth, shitty grooming, dresses like a dork, and has an overall beta male demeanor. He looks like the typical, schlubby “dad.” If that sounds like you, you need to set some fitness goals, fashion goals, and really clean up your appearance. While you’re doing this, focus more on either dating women in your own age range (40’s and 50’s) and/or on sugar daddy game (by the time you’re in your 50’s, you should be able to afford it, at least I hope). Don’t even mess with normal (non-sugar daddy) older man / younger woman game yet, until you optimize your appearance.
If you’re in your 60’s or beyond, then forget about game, and just focus on sugar daddy game. Buy my online dating manual and focus on the chapters regarding sugar daddy game, photography, and profile creation. Don’t go crazy though; get just enough women to satisfy the goals you set back in step two above. Often, old guys with money, when they first discover sugar daddy game, are like hyper little kids in a candy store, and the sugar daddy stuff ends up consuming their life. (I’ve even seen men get addicted to it.) Always remember that, while very important, your woman life is only a part of your life, not your whole life.
That should get you started on your journey. Just because you’re older and have a wife, kids, normal job, debts, and whatever doesn’t mean you can’t have the Alpha 2.0 life. You can.
Feel free to join the Alpha 2.0 Community to get help, advice, and support; it’s free to join. If you’re very serious about making your life something amazing, join my monthly coaching program where you’ll have access to over 50 podcasts on how to design a life like this, as well as work with me personally to help you achieve your goals. None of my techniques require a superhuman; just a guy who’s sick of being a beta.