Yet another big time pick-up artist (PUA) has surrendered to traditional monogamous marriage (TMM). This time it’s Richard La Runia, aka Gambler. For those of you not well versed in the PUA community, he was from the original crowd dating back to Style and Mystery. Gambler and Adam Lyons (AFC Adam) are the two big names behind PUA Training, and were the ones who bought out the original Fast Seduction forum from Formhandle many years ago, causing me to create its replacement forum back around 2011.
He wrote this article here about his new marriage. Though the article is dated June of 2017, the comments date back to November of 2016, making this almost year-old news. I’m somewhat surprised I hadn’t heard about this before then. I just stumbled upon this while looking for something else.
Since PUA is the world I came from, I admit I have a soft spot for some of these guys, and I have nothing against Richard personally. The reason I have to analyze what he’s said about his marriage is that he says some of the exact same statements, sometimes verbatim, that I’ve always said former Alphas and PUA’s say rationalizing traditional, monogamous marriage.
As you’ll see, he’s following the exact “I’m 35 years old and tired of all this” playbook that so many other players in the PUA community and the manosphere follow. And sadly, like all the rest of them, he will eventually end up in the same place (i.e. angry, divorced, financially raped, and fighting the court system to see his own children).
Here’s a few things he said in the article (the bolded words in his comments are his formatting). Prepare to see a torrent of false Societal Programming like you’ve never seen…
When I did have relationships in this period, I wasn’t totally in to them. I usually knew immediately that it didn’t have legs. The girl was nice or kind or smart, but usually I knew that she wasn’t “The one“.
It was comfortable, but I still had that nagging feeling of “not quite right“.
To want to share things with someone and to give all you have, you want to feel that deep connection and love that you just can’t feel for every girl.
It has to be the right one.
As I’ve explained many times, Alpha 1.0’s, players, PUA’s, and other manosphere pick-up guys tend to view women and relationships as black-and-white thing. Either she’s a “slut” or she’s “wife material,” nothing in-between. Either I bang her like a whore, or she’s my serious girlfriend getting ready to marry me… no other options.
This attitude always, always eventually brings a sense of loss and emptiness to a man. It’s a horribly dysfunctional way to view women, dating, sex, and relationships. Sadly, these views are further bolstered by false Societal Programming.
This is exactly why my systems incorporate a range of relationship types instead of an overly simplistic binary view. FB’s, MLTR’s, high-end MLTR’s, OLTR, OLTR marriage, and many levels inside some of those relationship types. Utilizing this system in your woman life, you’ll never be dissatisfied. You’ll get exactly from women whatever it is you want. Using the black-and-white “bang bitches” or “let’s get married” system, you are guaranteed to end up feeling depressed, unfulfilled, and empty.
I’m tired of partying
I’m 36 now, so of course I’m not interested in going to clubs 7 nights a week.
So in the past few years I’ve met lots of girls through other means.
I’ve also slowed down.
If you’ve read my blog or my books, you already know the answer so this question: At what age do I always say men suddenly start wanting to settle down? 35. Gambler, following right along with the program, suddenly got tired of partying at age 36. Very, very predictable.
When you devote your 20’s and early 30’s to getting laid without any thought to your long-term future, you will suddenly do a 180 to the exact opposite direction when you hit your mid-thirties. When you do this, because you weren’t thinking long-term, you’re going to hit this “male wall” very hard, and make all the wrong decisions.
Unlike most PUA guys, I got started in this world when I was already 35. Instead of just going out to bang a bunch of women, I sat down and made a long-term strategic plan that would help me not just for the next few years, but for the rest of my life. Yes, I spent a few years being a PUA and having sex with a large number of women, but at all times, I knew this period was temporary, and that I would have to soon down shift into some other type of lifestyle that was more sustainable for the next several decades of my life, all the way into my 70’s and beyond.
That’s why, unlike just about every other guy in the manosphere, you’ve never seen me do a sudden 180 on anything, and say something like, “Oh fuck! I’ve been wrong all this time! What I really should have been doing is THIS!”
This was basically continuing to have casual and semi-casual relationships. I could date multiple girls, I could date one girl but she’d know it wasn’t going anywhere.
One downside was the lack of connection with one person.
As usual with players and PUA guys, Gambler doesn’t understand how a man can pair-bond with one special woman he loves very much while still being a man and being able to get sex from other women on the side if he wishes. It’s called an OLTR, Gambler, and we’ve been discussing it on forums and blogs all over the internet for at least seven years or so. It’s not that complicated. It’s definitely “weird” since it’s against all of your Societal Programming, but your SP is wrong, so that doesn’t matter.
So the first problem is no deep connection with a girl.
Because you don’t understand, or refuse to understand, the concept of an OLTR.
The second is family.
Most people want to have children.
As I’ve demonstrated on this blog and my books literally hundreds of times, neither legal, traditional marriage, nor absolute sexual monogamy are required, in any way, to live with a woman and raise happy, healthy children with her. If you want kids, great. Move in with her correctly and have kids with her correctly, but don’t get 100% monogamous and don’t get married the wrong way. Instead, do it in a way that doesn’t jeopardize your financial future or sexual present.
God dammit! This is not complicated folks!
Again, you’re letting your false (and very outdated) Societal Programming fuck with your future.
It’s sad to watch. Honestly.
The third issue is that it just gets old.
As a 45 year-old man in your position, I agree with you. Nonstop pick-up, first dates, late nights, one night stands, and short-term FB’s do get old. But that doesn’t mean you chop off your balls and place them into a woman’s purse by promising forever sexual monogamy, or get into a standard marriage where she now owns half your stuff and can literally send you to prison if you don’t pay. Jumping to traditional, monogamous marriage because you’re tired of being a player is a massive, ridiculous, and dangerous overreaction.
And let me tell you something, Gambler. Having sex with hot 20 year-old models might seem “old” to you right now, but after only having sex with ONE WOMAN and THAT’S IT for two, three, four years straight, you’re going to be dying for those 20 year-old girls like you wouldn’t believe. Just watch.
Although I know I can be a single 50 year old and still date 20 year old models, it just starts to get a little bit weird.
Again, you say that now. Let’s see how you feel about it after five years of monogamy. If you last that long without cheating of course, which the odds are you won’t. I’d bet money on it.
And by the way, you don’t have to be a single 50 year-old man who has sex with 20 year-old models. You can be an OLTR married or OLTR boyfriend 50 year-old man to a woman you really love and care for… and have the 20 year-old’s on the side if you want. For fuck’s sake, it’s not a black-and-white choice.
You’re a smart guy, Gambler. I know you see this stuff. You just don’t want to.
Get married and have a “normal” family
This route always appealed to me.
My mum wants grand kids, I definitely want children, and I definitely want my girl to be the one I have the deepest connection with.
As a fellow “older” man, I want that too, but neither standard legal marriage nor absolute sexual monogamy at all times are required for that.
I don’t want to be a 45 and 55 year old “weird PUA” that is still gaming and working on their text openers or whatever bullshit.
Yep, the next standard excuse. It’s excuse #28 in my Objections To Nonmonogamy article right here. Here’s literally what I wrote there, copied and pasted from that article:
28. I don’t want to be hanging around dance clubs picking up chicks when I’m 45 years old.
Neither do I. I’m almost 42 years old, have women who love me, have plenty of sex, am very fulfilled and happy, and I haven’t set foot into a dance club in many years.
There are many other ways to meet attractive women who will like you (including younger women) besides dance clubs.
I wrote that almost four years ago, folks. Either Gambler copied it from my website, or I’m very good at predicting how men rationalize their bullshit Societal Programming. You be the judge.
And one more thing, Gambler. You will be a 45 year-old guy who needs pick-up techniques because either you’ll get divorced (which means you’ll need to meet new women), or you’ll cheat (which means you’ll need to meet new women), or you’ll (unlikely) follow my advice and open up the marriage (which means you’ll need to meet new women).
Unlike you, I don’t denigrate pick-up skills. Every man needs pick-up skills because it’s literally a skill you will use, at least off and on, for the rest of your life (until and unless you get rich enough to just pay for sex, but you may not want to do that).
Finally, he admits that there are at least some other options:
Before I tell you what happened in the end, I know that a few of you might be wondering stuff like:
– Why not just have a bi-sexual girl and have threesomes all the time.
This is called a threesome-only OLTR that I describe in my books. It is essentially the same as monogamy, since your girl will have 100% and complete control over your sex life. What happens if/when she doesn’t want threesomes anymore? Congratulations, now you’re monogamous. Unacceptable if you want a long-term relationship with someone.
– Why not have a bunch of girls and be in a polyamorous relationship
Yet another common excuse I’ve addressed in #8 here and wrote an entire article about right here. You don’t need to be polyamorous! That’s MLTR’s. Have an OLTR, a serious open relationship with just one girlfriend or wife.
You don’t need to fuck lots of women! One OLTR and one FB on the side is all you need. That’s two, and two is not “a bunch.”
The first option can work. But it’d be harder.
When girls say they are fine with stuff, you can’t always listen to that. It’s natural for them to be jealous, just like it would be for you. How often would you have other girls? how often is too much?
Correct. At least Gambler’s smart enough to see that a threesome-only relationship won’t work long-term. Good.
The second option is not something I believe in. I’m not a chakra and crystals kind of guy so I don’t roll in those circles where anything goes.
You don’t have to be polyamorous! And what the fuck do crystals and chakra have to do with having sex with two or three women? Do you think I’m into crystals, Gambler?
Do you see how men go out of their way to avoid dealing with their own insane Societal Programming? Isn’t it sad?
I also like a girl who can be considered “good” by traditional measures.
Outdated, puritanical, right-wing, guy-Disney BULLSHIT!
Who gives a FUCK what “traditional measures” are? Are you insane? Don’t you realize it’s not 1952 anymore, and this crap doesn’t work anymore?
Finally I want my mum to be proud of me.
Classic familial Societal Programming, that I directly address in chapters three and nine in my primary book.
A grown, 36 year-old man basing his long-term life decisions on what his fucking mom thinks?
Are you shitting me?
Does that sound like a good long-term life plan to you?
Now he starts in with specific excuses regarding nonmonogamy that I will easily pick off like I’ve been doing for the last ten years…
To be constantly explaining your relationship and dealing with the friends and family of not just you, but the friends and family of all of the other people involved would be enough of a headache.
You don’t have to explain it to anyone except your parents and her parents. You don’t have to “explain it” to your friends or family members unless you really want to for some reason. The sexual details of your relationship are none of their business.
Moreover, as a man who has an OLTR who is also a fiancé, and who knows many men in OLTR marriages, I can tell you for a fact that you don’t have to “constantly” explain it to your parents. I explained it to my parents one time, and to Pink Firefly’s parents one time. That’s it, that’s all that was required, now they’re all on board and supportive. It’s not that complicated if you stand your ground and have some balls about this stuff.
Then fast forward and imagine explaining to your kids, and their friends’ parents and teachers. God.
You would never, ever explain the sexual nature of your marriage to these people. I have no idea why you would ever think something so ridiculous.
I suppose you could explain it to your kids once they are 18 or older, but by then they don’t care. As a man who has two grown children, ask me how I know.
On top of that you also have the “management” of the relationship itself. Did you give 60% of the attention to girl A?
Not relevant in an OLTR. She gets 95% of your attention at all times. The FB’s get 5%, at most. Not a problem.
Did girl B want to sleep with some other guy and you are not cool with that?
FB’s on the side can fuck whomever they like. You won’t care because they’re FB’s. As a matter of fact, it’s actually preferable that if you’re in an OLTR, your FB’s have boyfriends. It’s much easier.
Did girl C finish the toilet paper and not put the new one out. I mean people argue, and it’s a miracle when two strangers can live together and get on without major incident, and adding more people just makes it even harder. Kind of like flat sharing with 1 person vs 6.
You only live with one woman in an OLTR. (I would never live with multiple “wives.” Multiple wives in my house? Are you fucking kidding? Shoot me.)
I’m a lover of a quite life with minimal stress and drama and definitely no chakra talk or chanting sessions. I want to be respectable and for my girl to be respectable.
Read what I said above about puritanical bullshit. And by the way, my OLTR, Pink Firefly, is more “respectable” than any other woman you could find to compare to her. She never does drugs, almost never drinks more than one glass of wine when she drinks, has never lied to me as far as I know in the 3+ years I’ve known her, is physically fit, hits the gym almost every day, is kind and sensitive, has never broken the law, never gotten into any serious trouble, never had any kids out of wedlock, is extremely hard working, makes a higher income than the average man, and is a Christian. (I actually consider that last thing a mild negative, but it sounds like you would consider it a positive). That’s the kind of woman who will agree to an OLTR if you have some balls, pal. Place her up against any woman you can find who you deem as “respectable,” and I’m probably going to win.
But again, I don’t care what society deems as “respectable.” That’s society’s problem, not mine. It shouldn’t be yours, either. Keep society out of your personal life! It’s your life.
Believe me, I can be a master manipulator and could construct any situation I want for my love life, but for me to respect my women they can’t be in a situation that devalues them or gives me too much power over them.
There is no devaluing of an OLTR in an OLTR relationship. If there were, she would leave you, as she should.
I’m confident in my decision, have no doubts, and have never been happier.
As I’ve demonstrated on this blog many times, that’s exactly what all men say when the engagement / marriage is new and exciting. It’s called NRE, Gambler. Yes, it feels good. But it doesn’t last. At some point soon, the NRE will fade away, and all you’ll have is a monogamous wife who won’t let you have sex with anyone but her, and who legally owns half your stuff and can walk away with it literally whenever she feels like it, and statistically probably will.
I realize that right now none of that bothers you. But it will, eventually. Just give it time.
See you when you get divorced, lose half of your shit, or cheat on her, and go right back to the pick-up techniques that you say older men shouldn’t need to use.
I’ll be over here being happy.