There are some men who agree monogamy doesn’t work, while at the same time are really uncomfortable with the concept of an open, poly, or nonmonogamous relationship. I know that’s a contradictory stance, bordering on cognitive dissonance, but Societal Programming and Obsolete Biological Wiring make people think in dumb ways and do dumb things.
Two ways these men attempt to circumvent their own internal contradictions about sex are via conditional monogamy and one-way monogamy. I get a lot of email and comments asking about this, and I’ve seen a lot of men attempt both of these things over the years. Today, I will address both… though you can probably already guess what I’m about to tell you in regards to their long-term effectiveness.
Conditional monogamy is a form of monogamy where you and your girlfriend or wife make a gentlemen’s agreement that you will be monogamous only to her, but only as long as a certain sexual condition remains true. Usually, this means that she will fuck you X number of times per week. As soon as she stops having sex with you at that level of frequency, then you are allowed to go have sex with other women.
Men who are experienced in how women think can probably already see the problem with this. Conditional monogamy is an extremely masculine, guy-logical arrangement. As I’ve talked about before, guy logic is fantastic… when dealing with other men. When dealing with women, guy logic is a temporary condition before it magically transforms into woman logic, which is to say, no logic at all.
Every single time I have seen a man attempt conditional monogamy with a woman, it starts out fine and ends blowing up in his face later (assuming the relationship or marriage lasts long enough, that is). Every. Single. Time. Not once have I seen it work over a prolonged period. The reason is that women do not conform to extreme guy-logical structures like this long-term with a man they’re having sex with.
It always works out like this: You sit down and logically, rationally explain to your girlfriend/wife that you need sex and that you’ll only have sex with her as long as she keeps fucking you twice a week (or whatever). As soon as she fails to have sex with you on demand, twice a week, you will go out and start banging other women on the side, but you promise to not do it unless she goes below sex twice a week.
If you get an agreement with her, she nods her head and agrees to your guy-logic.
She then promptly forgets about it and you both proceed with your monogamous relationship, which includes all the aspects of monogamy, such as drama, arguments, rules, compromises, financial expense, financial risk, betaization, resentment, and reduced sex. Conditional monogamy is still monogamy, so while you are conditionally monogamous, you’re monogamous, meaning you’re a beta (at least to some degree), and she’s going to treat you like one, at least eventually.
Then one day she stops having sex with you twice a week. This is almost 100% guaranteed to happen eventually, assuming the relationship lasts long enough. Let me repeat that. This is almost 100% guaranteed to happen eventually, assuming the relationship lasts long enough (particularly if you live together, but even if you don’t).
The only way this can’t happen is if you end up with an extremely bizarre and rare exception to the rule in terms of a woman with an unusually and ridiculously high sex drive who also never gets sexually bored with a man she lives with in the long-term. Odds of you actually ending up with a woman like this? Less than 5%. And by the way, this also only happens if she never gains any significant weight and you remain sexually attracted to her forever. Now we’ve dropped below 5% and into the 2% Rule.
So about six months later or year later (or whenever) when, not if, but when she stops having sex with you twice a week, you fist pump and run right out and go have sex with a 21 year-old cheerleader. As soon as your girlfriend/wife finds out, or when you tell her you’re going to do this, what do you think she’ll say? How do you think she’ll react?
Do you seriously think she’ll say, “Ah, yes Joe, per our logical arrangement we configured a year ago, you are now allowed to fuck other women on the side. Have fun fucking your cheerleader! Just be home by 6pm, please.”?
If you actually think this, YOU ARE STUPID. You do not understand women or female psychology in any way whatsoever.
Instead, she’s going to have a meltdown of nuclear proportions. She’s going to throw drama at you like you’ve never seen in your fucking life. She’ll scream, yell, threaten to leave you, and might even throw things at you. Then, like a dumbass, you’re going to use your guy-logic (haha!) to try to calm her down (waaaahaha!) and set her straight (hahahaha!) by reminding her of what she agreed to (bwaaaahahahaha!). And she’ll throw a frying pan at your head. Good job.
To you, guy-logical-man, you’re simply following through on a clear agreement that you both agreed to like logical adults.
To her, feminine-emotional-woman, you are in a committed, monogamous relationship and now YOU’RE CHEATING ON ME! You SON OF A BITCH! And you want to do it with some STUPID SLUT! (Woman translation for the word “slut” in this context: A woman who is younger or skinnier than her.) You’re disrespecting me and treating me LIKE SHIT!!! HOW DARE YOU! You think I’m going to let you go fuck another woman?!? WHO DO YOU THINK I AM?!? Let me scream at you for an hour and explain a few things to you, little man…
Drama, drama, fighting, screaming, then she later calls her best friend / orbiter / sister / mom, and they, of course, agree you’re being a total asshole and that she should probably leave you.
This is exactly what happens every time men try conditional monogamy. Your girlfriend or wife is not a logical man executing a business deal. She’s an emotional, irrational woman in a romantic relationship where it’s very hard for her to think rationally. True, some aspects of a relationship must be logical to some degree (particularly if you live together), and she must agree to at least some of these things. However, since she’s a woman, none of these things can include a complete relationship 180, like “we’re 100% monogamous” to “now I’m going to fuck other people.”
Conditional monogamy is a drama time bomb. You’re simply guaranteeing future drama in your relationship. If you don’t like drama, you can’t do it. You must always be having sex with other women from the first moment you meet her, all the way to when you move in together, and after, following the step-by-step system I outline in this book. That way, there’s never a 180 where she has to act like a guy-logical man.
One-way monogamy, or “one-sided monogamy,” or polygamy (which is what it really is at the core) is when the two people make a verbal agreement that states that the man is allowed to fuck other women, but the woman is not allowed to fuck anyone except the man, forever. It’s essentially an extreme Alpha Male 1.0 version of Guy Disney.
As I’ve talked about before, one-way monogamy might work in some parts of the Muslim or African worlds, but it will not work in the Western world. Men don’t try one-way monogamy as often as they try conditional monogamy, but of all the men I’ve seen in the Western world attempt one-way monogamy, I have never seen it last past about one year. Literally never. Either the relationships fails (usually meaning she leaves him), or the woman stays with him but cheats on him behind his back in an effort to either get back at him or to make things more “fair.” Often, the woman is prompted to do this by her Western female friends and family members.
If all you want in life is a long string of very brief relationships, then I guess go ahead and give one-way monogamy a shot. But if you want a relationship or marriage in the Western world to last much longer than a year, then you must either agree to normal, two-way monogamy (which, of course, doesn’t work if you want to be long-term happy), or a nonmonogamous relationship where you can get some on the side, and she can too if she wants.
If she wants is italicized because, as I’ve explained in great detail in my books, it’s extremely common for women in MLTR’s and OLTR’s to not have sex with other men while you’re having sex with other women. In about 50% of my non-FB relationships, the woman wasn’t having sex with other men at all. In the other 50%, sometimes she did, and sometimes she didn’t. In very long-term nomono relationships, many women either never sleep with another guy, or if they do, they do for a while and then they eventually stop because they don’t want to anymore.
Women are not like men. Women don’t crave sex in quite the same way men do. Women don’t follow the same sexual cycles as men. Just because you’re going to be always out having sex with women doesn’t mean she’ll always be out having sex with men, even if she has the option to do so. Other men who have had long-term nonmonogamous relationships will back up what I’m saying; some women fuck other guys, but a hell of a lot don’t because they just don’t have the interest. The older they are, the more this is likely to be true. (This meshes nicely with my requirement that a woman in a live-in OLTR should be at least 30.)
This means that, strangely, women are less likely to fuck other men in an open relationship than they are in a one-way monogamy relationship. I know that doesn’t make any logical sense, but we’re talking about women here, and that’s exactly what I’ve seen in all my time researching this over the last decade.
Conditional monogamy and one-way monogamy; one based in guy-logic and the other based in Guy Disney, and they both don’t work (unless you don’t mind drama and/or shorter relationships). As always, I will state that if you don’t mind drama, arguments, or shorter-lasting relationships, you are more than welcome to ignore all my advice and do whatever you like. But if you want something happy and long-lasting, neither conditional nor one-way monogamy will work for you. Normal monogamy also won’t make you long-term happy, so you’re going to have to master FB / MLTR / OLTR for long-term, consistent happiness.