Whenever anyone has any questions or problems about dating and/or nonmonogamous relationships, I always have an answer. I’m serious. It’s rare I get stumped with a question or problem I don’t know the answer to. Moreover, I also usually understand the mindset of where the question is coming from. Even if I completely disagree with the question (or rather, the premise of the question or problem), I usually understand who the guy is thinking.
That being said, there is one problem that guys report to me on a regular basis, and it’s a problem that I have no understanding of why men are doing this to themselves. I have been hearing about this problem going back ten years, even in the PUA days when guys were complaining about it on the forums. All the way to today, guys are regularly complaining about this problem to me, and I have no idea why.
Here’s the problem they report. They went on seven online first dates and only had sex with two of the women. The primary reason? Three of the seven women the guy didn’t find attractive.
When I ask if these three women lied on their photos, or looked radically different than their photos presented, the answer is usually no.
This happens in daygame too. Daygame guys will hit on girls, only to later magically decide on the second meet that they don’t find these women attractive enough to have sex with.
Let me ask you guys a question.
WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU OPENING WOMEN YOU DON’T FIND ATTRACTIVE ENOUGH TO HAVE SEX WITH?
Jesus, guys! What the fuck? Why are you purposely wasting your time like this?
Seriously, can someone explain this to me?
I have been having sex with large numbers of women for 11 years straight now and I have literally never had this problem. Not once. Do you know why? Because, and I know this sounds crazy, I only open women I find attractive enough to actually have sex with. If a woman on a dating site is not attractive to me, I don’t send her an opener. Wild and radical, I know.
To be clear, I’m not talking about a social circle scenario where a woman is making moves on you. If you’re sitting around with a few friends, and some girl you know who is about a six on your scale is clearly DTF for you, starts rubbing up against your body, and you have nothing else going on at the moment, so you figure “what the hell” and have sex with her. I’m not talking about that.
I’m also not talking about an online dating scenario where a woman shows up to a first date and she clearly doesn’t look anything like her photos. I understand this happens sometimes and this is one of the downsides of online dating. It happens to all of us occasionally, but I’m not talking about that either.
I’m also not talking about getting a girl on a first date that you clearly think is hot, but she’s such a bitch or is so dumb you’re not attracted to her despite the fact she’s physically hot to you. I’m not talking about that.
No. I’m talking about this weird thing you guys do where you look at her photos on the dating site/app and for some reason swipe right or send her an opener, then on the first date, when she shows up looking pretty much like her photos, you decide she isn’t physically attractive enough to have sex with.
Or when you meet a girl while doing daygame or living your life, you clearly see what she looks like, you contact close her, get her out on a date later, then magically decide she’s not physically attractive anymore.
Seriously guys, what in the FUCK are you doing?
Do you like wasting your time? Are you that disorganized with your thoughts and actions that you will take the time out of your life to hit on girls you don’t find physically attractive so you can waste a bunch more time on first dates that go no where?
I really don’t get it. I don’t understand the concept of a guy saying, “Eh. This girl isn’t that hot. She’s maybe a four. I’ll send her an opener!”
I don’t understand the concept of a guy on a first date saying, “You know? When I first saw her (or saw pictures of her), she was clearly a seven. But now that I’ve seen her for longer than about five minutes, I’ve decided she’s a four. Gross! I’m not fucking a four! Damn! Pick-up is so hard!!!”
I’m laughing as I’m typing this. I just don’t understand the mindset you guys are experiencing.
So let me give you some advice that I really shouldn’t have to deliver. Ready? It will blow your minds:
DON’T OPEN WOMEN WHO YOU DON’T FIND ATTRACTIVE ENOUGH TO HAVE SEX WITH.
If you do, you will simply waste your time on a bunch of dating, pick-up activity, and first dates that end up with zero results. Then you’ll come complain to me that you’re going on all these first dates with girls who aren’t hot. Well whose fucking fault is that, genius???
My guess (and this is only a guess since I honestly have no idea why you guys are doing this) is that too many of you are not opening the hot girls because you think you can’t get them, and are instead only opening the “approachable” girls.
Well, stop doing that. I’ve said many times over the years that from day one, way back when I started back in 2007, I made a pact with myself that I would only online open women who were at least an eight (to me) or higher, and I would ignore all the other women on the dating sites (which yes, is the vast, vast majority of the women on there; that’s why you must always use multiple dating sites/apps, not just one).
I strongly suggest you do the same. If you think you can’t get hot girls, read this and this. But for fuck’s sake, stop hitting on women you don’t want to have sex with. That’s one of the dumbest things I can think of.