This is the next installment of the book I never published regarding my history with women and the lessons I learned from it. If you haven’t yet, you should read parts one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, and ten before you read the article below, so you can be up to speed on where the story picks up. Everything below is all 100% true to the best of my memory, journals, and spreadsheet records, though all the names of the people described have been changed.
We last left off in the summer of 2008, having just recently slept with my first much younger woman, a crazy 18-year-old redhead named Selina, officially beginning my “crazy phase” with women that lasted about two years…
Selina was a maniac. She was an extreme extrovert with tons of friends, loved attention, and loved the attention she received from sex. We immediately started seeing each other several times a week, of course having sex every time we met, sometimes several times per meet.
As fun as this was, I had learned from past mistakes to not get oneitis, not shut off the dating machine, and ensure I had more women in my sex life than just her. So, in-between the times I saw her, I kept cranking it on the online dating sites and kept scheduling first and second dates.
During this time, I saw several other women, including,
- The gorgeous but high maintenance 25 year-old who was furious at me when she incorrectly assumed I only wanted to pay for half of the first date (her half was six dollars). “A guy expecting me to pay half is a dealbreaker for me.” Yeah. And a gold-digger is a dealbreaker for me. Good riddance. (I describe this encounter in detail in this book.)
- The muscular, blonde 29 year-old who was very cute in the face but (seemingly) had bigger muscles than me at the time. Yikes! I kissed the crap out of her but that was all I wanted. Didn’t want my cock accidentally snapped off during sex or something. (I mentioned her rock-hard ass in this article here.)
- The cute half-white half-Japanese 25 year-old who had just found Jesus and therefore did not want to have sex until she “dated a guy for a while.” Sorry Darling, not my system. Good luck with the next shmuck who falls for that.
- The 35 year-old and very fit blonde who really knew how to kiss.
- The short 22 year-old who said “just come over to my place” for our first date. Wow! Never had that happen before. I was excited! I arrived and we talked on her couch in front of her TV, and spent most of the evening pushing her two gigantic dogs away from me, keeping them from shoving their noses into my crotch. I didn’t get anything that night…except a shitload of dog hair on my clothes. (We had sex on the second meet though.)
- A big-boobed Asian (rare but wonderful when you can find them) who gave me a BJ on the first date, but with whom I completely blew the second date by following some very stupid PUA advice about how to do a “hotel close.” She was DTF and wanted me to have sex with her in my car, but I was stupid and instead assumed she wanted a hotel room, then gave me a bunch of resistance when I rented a disgusting room at a roach motel. I talked about this in more detail here.
…and many others. Looking through my spreadsheets from that year, there were so many dates that many of the names I don’t recognize nor can place to a face today. (I remember all the women I actually had sex with though, of course.)
I started throwing much younger women into the mix but still dated women my age and older. I hadn’t yet figured out the over-33 thing, but I started to skew more towards women in their mid to late twenties.
In the middle of all of this, one day I received a text from Marci, the first woman I had sex with after my divorce, and who I talked about in part four of this series here. After some pleasantries, I invited her over. She came over and we had sex twice. I started seeing her sporadically, “on the side” while I still considered Selina as my main girl. (I didn’t yet have the FB / MLTR nomenclature down at that point, so I simply called Selina my “Primary,” though she was essentially an MLTR.)
Marci marked the first time a woman LSNFTE’d me and then returned. It would be the first of many women in my life to do so, but I didn’t know that yet. Instead, I was elated and surprised at A) that a woman would return like this and B) that a woman would return this easily. I didn’t have to take her out on any dates, I didn’t have to spend any money on her, I didn’t have to spend any time with her, and I didn’t even have to “game” her. She just came over to my house and had sex with me. It was exactly what I was looking for.
Lesson Number Twenty
You don’t need to re-game women when they come back to you. You don’t need to start all over from the beginning with a date or “getting drinks” or whatever. Just invite her right over to your house and have sex. That’s why she’s contacting you!
Because of this and my ongoing relationship with Selina (who I did not yet have any relationship discussions with), I started taking careful notes about how to design and manage multiple nonmonogamous relationships with women. Here I was, in my first real MLTR, dating one woman while still having sex with other women, without having to promise monogamy to anyone. And it was working! It was clumsy, but it was working. I was on to something!
At one point, about two or three months into the relationship, Selina looked through my phone (or my email; I don’t remember which). That day, she came to me and angrily asked who “Marci” was.
I didn’t lie. I know that if I wanted this nonmonogamy thing to work, lying wasn’t an option. I simply told her the truth, that she was someone I had briefly dated a year ago, that her and I occasionally hooked up, and that this shouldn’t be a surprise since I never verbally promised monogamy / exclusivity, nor ever did anything to even hint that’s what I was doing. I also added, again truthfully, that it wasn’t serious, and that, since Marci was my age (mid thirties), Selina, as a hot 18-year-old, shouldn’t feel threatened, and that I considered Selina as the “more serious” relationship.
Selina got upset of course, but not nearly as upset as I thought she would. Since being a VYW, her ASD was very low. Also, and I didn’t find this out until many months later, at this time she was having sex with at least two other men despite the fact she “swore” she was only having sex with me. This was yet another one of her lies, but I didn’t care. All I cared about was her not giving me any drama and her continuing to see me even though she knew I was sleeping with other women.
She did. Mission accomplished. It was my first official nonmonogamous relationship that actually lasted a decent amount of time: five full months before her first LSNFTE. Prior to that, my only real nonmono relationships were with Marci and Jenae, both of which only lasted several weeks.
Despite the temporary discomfort it may cause because of a woman’s false Societal Programming, honesty works. Honesty is the only way to maintain a long-term, low-drama relationship, particularly a nonmonogamous one. If you regularly lie to a woman in a relationship, it fails to be either long-term or low-drama. Just tell her the truth, and, along with a proper EFA, you’ll be shocked at what women agree to.
Dating someone for five full months while she knew I was having sex with other women was a huge accomplishment and a critical stepping stone to the long-term nonmonogamous relationships I really wanted. I know that if I could do five months with what few relationship management skills I had at the time, I could improve and stretch that five months out into many years. Which I did, eventually.
Once comfortable with the relationship we had, then shit went really crazy. Selina started introducing me to many of the other cute women she knew, and she knew many, including her girlfriends (ahem), her sister (ahem), and even her… mom (ahem).
You’ll have to keep watching this blog for the next installment for those stories, and others. Like I said, this is when the really crazy stuff began. The next article in this series will be my longest, most detailed, and craziest yet.