I’ve been talking to a lot of younger guys lately about women and dating. Often I find myself being very jealous of these guys, even when they’re screwing up and making all the usual mistakes.
That’s because back in the early 90s when I was in my early 20s, we didn’t have an internet, or PUA, or the manosphere, or any of that stuff. Back then, if you wanted to get laid or get a girlfriend, you had to do it the old fashioned way, which means you had to hope you got a job with some cute female co-workers, or hope you could get a buddy who was a “natural”, and then do your best to clone what he did.
There were some dating books back then, but they were pretty terrible. Not that I read very many, but the ones I remember taking a look at were dreadfully bad. They were either variations of the “take her out to dinner and kiss her ass” variety (like that will get you laid fast) or the “lie to her and tell her you’re a doctor” variety (which was only good if you want one night stands…lying during the seduction phase is useless if you desire relationships or any other form of recurring sex).
So in my early 20s, I was the typical beta stumbling around in the dark, trying to do what felt right (which is almost always wrong when it comes to women), not getting laid very much beyond when I got lucky. You young guys have no idea how fortunate you are to have the resources available to you today. I would have killed for a blog like this 20 years ago, much less all the other blogs and forums you have access to on the internet…for free.
Today I’m going to list the top seven dating tips and mindsets I wish I had known back then. If I had known these things back when I was 18 or 22, man, my sex life and relationship life in throughout my 20s would have been completely different. Different, as in orders of magnitude better.
Here they are, listed in no particular order:
1. Women are super horny and crave sex badly. Probably more than you do.
For most of my teenage and early adult years, I was under the impression that if I somehow “got” a woman to kiss me or have sex with me, I was somehow convincing her or tricking her into doing something she didn’t want to do.
Only much later in life did I discover it’s actually the exact opposite. The truth is women are far more sexual creatures than men are. Women are just as horny as dudes, if not more so. The difference is the amount of rules and regulations women place around sex thanks to Societal Programming.
Assuming she’s attracted to you, she wants to fuck you very, very badly, even if she acts like she doesn’t want to and even if she seems to resist sex. Perhaps even more than you want her. The only reason it seems like you are the one who wants it and she does not, is because she’s been trained her entire life to resist her biological urges and to pretend like she doesn’t like sex. As a man, you have no such conditioning. (Now don’t be stupid. This doesn’t mean you do anything against her will. It means you stop assuming that you are the one who wants sex more. You’re not.)
This is a huge misunderstanding about the word “seduction”. The art of seduction is not getting women to do what they don’t want to do. It is you creating a pathway for women to be comfortable with their desire to have sex with you as fast as possible without judgment.
It’s not an issue of desire. It’s an issue of rules and perception.
2. Women are nice. Women are not going to get mad at you when you open them. In most cases, they’ll be happy to have someone to talk to.
As a younger guy, I always expected that if I walked up to a woman and said hi, or asked a woman out on a date, she would get upset, possibly insult me, and possibly cause a scene.
In the real world, this doesn’t happen. As experienced daygame guys will tell you, 99% of women are extremely polite when you open them or ask them out, and are often flattered even if they aren’t attracted to you.
Societal Programming trains women to be sweet and polite to strangers. This is one of the very rare times Societal Programming actually works in your favor. Always remember that when you want to say hi to that cute girl, or ask a girl out, regardless of the outcome she will be sweet about it.
3. Women don’t care if you’re not that experienced.
A lot of younger guys are very ashamed that they are virgins, or have only had sex with three women or whatever. They assume that if they tell a woman of their inexperience, she’ll laugh at them and turn down sex for that reason alone.
While it’s true there are a small percentage of women who prefer experienced men, the vast majority of women out there, I’d say at least 85%, do not give a about shit how sexually experienced you are. Again, women are horny as hell and crave sex badly. Almost never is the past sexual experience of the man a make-or-break issue for a woman. Moreover, some women actually prefer less experienced guys, because they think (rightly or wrongly) that they’re not “players”.
As a young man, I fell into this trap myself. In my early twenties as a virgin beta male, I lied to the woman I lost my virginity to and told her I had sex with “ten women” already. What a dumbshit I was. This actually turned her off, not on. So I compounded the lie by telling another lie (this is one of the many reasons I don’t lie to women; lies necessitate other lies) and told her that I “hadn’t had sex for a year”. This turned her right back on again, and we had sex, and I lost my V-card.
That was the last time I ever lied to a woman. I was so ashamed about what I did that it took me many years to actually come clean and tell her she had been my first.
Learn from my stupidity as a young man. If you’re not that experienced, don’t pretend to women that you’re more experienced than you are. Your guy buddies might give you some shit about it, fine, but women really don’t mind. Worse, it may actually turn them off if you tell them otherwise.
4. For every woman who doesn’t like you, there’s another right around the corner who will.
I’ve already gone deep into this concept on my free podcasts, so to get the full detail you should listen to those.
I’ll just summarize here by saying that if a woman rejects you, your irrational reaction is that ALL women will reject you. Or all pretty women will reject you. Or whatever.
The truth is the exact opposite. A super hot girl will reject you in a bar (or bookstore or dating site) and then 30 seconds later the next super hot girl you hit up, who is just as hot and in the exact same location as the first girl, will really like you. This happens to me all the time on the online dating sites and to this day it still blows me away. When I was doing daygame I had the exact same experience.
This also applies to relationships. That new girl you’re seeing you think is Not Like The Rest™ is actually JUST like the rest. There’s thousands more just like her in your city alone. You don’t need to take any crap from her (unless you’re a high-drama guy who likes crap). There’s another girl just as hot, smart, and cool right around the corner who won’t give you any crap. That’s a fact.
5. Just because you like her, doesn’t mean you need to be her boyfriend. Just because you love her, doesn’t mean you have to move in with her. Just because you want kids with her, does not mean you have to legally marry her.
Last week I was asked what my biggest regret in life was. I’ve lived a pretty good life and I’ve made a lot of good decisions, even as a younger guy, so I had to think hard about this.
I finally determined that my biggest regret was not taking two years in my early twenties and living abroad, specifically Asia (before marriage, kids, debt, health issues, and other typical older-man responsibilities). I thought about doing it at the time, but I didn’t. But that’s not relevant to this article. It’s my second biggest life regret that’s more important to you.
My second biggest regret in life was getting legally married to the woman I married back when I was 25 years old. Most of you already know I got divorced 9 years later, and I could have avoided a mountain of headaches. Now let be be clear, I don’t regret having a relationship with this woman. I don’t regret living with this woman for a time. I don’t regret having children with this woman. All of those things were fine.
No, the problem was that I legally married her. I simply did not have to do that. It was an extremely stupid move on my part. We could have dated, fallen in love, moved in together, had the exact same two children, then broken up as friends perhaps three for four years later. She simply would have moved out, I would have started paying child support, and her and I would have amicably moved on. No fuss, no muss.
That’s a far cry from a divorce, alimony, huge amounts of anger (mostly on her part), financial expense, lawyers, damaged credit records, tax complications, bitter memories, and literally years and years of wasted time on the part of her and I (and my children) that we’ll never be able to get back.
All because I was stupid enough to get married. Why did I do it? Simple. Back then I thought, as most of you guys do, that the only “proper” way to have kids was to chop off my balls and hand them over to a woman by signing a legal marriage contract and having a wedding. Of course, this is complete bullshit, but that’s what I thought.
Here’s the reality:
- You can completely and truly love a woman, and she can love you, without you both being in a traditional monogamous beta male relationship.
- You can live with a woman you love without legally marrying her. As a matter of fact, it is far safer legally and financially for you to do it this way.
- You can raise happy, healthy children with a woman you love without legally marrying her. You and I live in a society with a 63% divorce rate, so getting married doesn’t mean shit anyway. Again, it is legally and financially safer for you to have children without the oppressive, ridiculous, and outdated structure of a legal marriage. (And if you simply can’t control yourself and “must” get married, there are ways you can do it without all of the usual risks.)
6. You have easier access to women, including attractive women, in high school and college than at any other time in your life.
I didn’t go to college of course, because going to college in the modern era is usually a terrible idea, but I did go to high school. Damn, during high school there were swarms of hot girls all over the place, and as a young dumb teenager I just became used to it. I assumed that’s how life was everywhere.
Holy crap, was I in for a shock when I left high school and went right into the full-time corporate world! My world shifted from hot, young, fun, happy high school girls to overweight, angry, jaded, stressed out, over-33 office women. Divorced or married, it made little difference, these women were radically different than the happy high school girls I was used to. Not to mention not nearly as attractive.
Seriously, going from high school directly into the corporate world was a huge culture shock. In high school, girls liked boys. In the corporate world, suddenly I heard women talk about how stupid men were and how all men were liars. I wasn’t prepared for such a sheer change in outlook.
I would hang out with my older brother, who at the time had just graduated college. He was talking with a big simile about how college was a “woman-fest”. While he agreed it was a smart move to skip college and go right to the corporate world, he lamented that I had missed out on the best “pile of tits” I could have ever experienced.
As I mentioned above, I didn’t lose my virginity until my early 20s. However if someone had sat me down during high school and explained to me that in two or three short years, I would never have the easy access to that many women for the rest of my life, and really demonstrated that for me, I’m pretty sure I would have lost my virginity much earlier. I would have taken advantage of the favorable conditions.
While college is a waste of time for most people, if you are currently in college, or even in high school, you need to use this time to take advantage of the fact there are hot women all over the place in your life. It will never, ever be like this again.
That being said, I don’t want to over-state this. With daygame, night game, and online dating, you easily have access to large amounts of women. One could also get a job where lots of hot women are common and concentrated, such as a bartender, bouncer, musician, photographer, or similar. Regardless, it’s a mathematical fact that as young guy in school, you’ll never have that easy access to that large number of women ever again.
Take advantage of this. Don’t wait like I did.
7. Your friends can get you laid. Don’t resist their help.
I saved the best for last. This one is huge.
When I was in my early 20s, before I started my business, I was a low-level manager at the corporate office of a big bank. One of the guys on my staff was a dude named Chris, who was year or two younger than me. This guy was a natural. While he was a shitty worker, he was good looking, extroverted, socially competent, and had natural game with women. He had sex with tons of chicks, and while some were ugly, many of them were hot as hell.
He really liked me and often invited me to parties, bars, and dance clubs. Being an introverted guy (and more introverted years ago than I am now), and very focused on my work like the business nerd I was (and partially still am), I usually turned him down. Big, big mistake on my part.
One day I finally relented and said yes to him. “Cool!” he cried, “I’m gonna get you so laid dude!” A few nights later he, I, and one of his buddies all went to a dance club downtown. He was meeting up with a few girls. I didn’t believe him. I thought there was no way “meeting up with girls” would be that easy.
I was wrong of course. When we arrived at the club there was a group of four hot, eager, young girls waiting for us, all dressed to the nines. Chris took the hottest one, a blonde who looked like a model. The second hottest one he shoved my way. Literally. He shoved her towards me, and introduced us. She was very cute, with big boobs and dark hair.
Later we were all dancing. I had no idea how to dance but I did my best to dance with Darkhair. While grinding up on Modelchick, Chris saw us and shook his head as if it say “No, no, that’s not how you do it you dumbass.” Then he walked over to us, and shoved us together. Darkhair’s tits pressed up against me and she gave me what they used to call the Doggy Dinner Bowl eyes. We kept dancing like that and it was great.
Did I end up having sex with Darkhair? Nope. I was too much of a pussy and didn’t know how to follow through. Chris laid Modelchick, plus many others, probably Darkhair too.
Chris kept on inviting me to parties and clubs and I kept saying no. For many years later I regretted doing this. I could have pulled so much high-quality ass as young guy had I just let Chris help me. Seriously, it would have taken years off my learning curve.
If you’re a young guy just starting out, if you have any natural friends, become their best damn friend and soak up all the knowledge you can from them. You can even get laid off their “droppings”. If you don’t have a natural friend, do your very best to get one. I can’t stress this enough.
Those are the top seven things I could think of. There are a few other things I may address in future posts.