7 Essential Dating Tips For Young Guys I Wish I Had Known

first date advice, first online date, online dating advice, meaning of an open relationship, alpha male traits

I’ve been talking to a lot of younger guys lately about women and dating. Often I find myself being very jealous of these guys, even when they’re screwing up and making all the usual mistakes.

That’s because back in the early 90s when I was in my early 20s, we didn’t have an internet, or PUA, or the manosphere, or any of that stuff. Back then, if you wanted to get laid or get a girlfriend, you had to do it the old fashioned way, which means you had to hope you got a job with some cute female co-workers, or hope you could get a buddy who was a “natural”, and then do your best to clone what he did.

There were some dating books back then, but they were pretty terrible. Not that I read very many, but the ones I remember taking a look at were dreadfully bad. They were either variations of the “take her out to dinner and kiss her ass” variety (like that will get you laid fast) or the “lie to her and tell her you’re a doctor” variety (which was only good if you want one night stands…lying during the seduction phase is useless if you desire relationships or any other form of recurring sex).

So in my early 20s, I was the typical beta stumbling around in the dark, trying to do what felt right (which is almost always wrong when it comes to women), not getting laid very much beyond when I got lucky. You young guys have no idea how fortunate you are to have the resources available to you today. I would have killed for a blog like this 20 years ago, much less all the other blogs and forums you have access to on the internet…for free.

Today I’m going to list the top seven dating tips and mindsets I wish I had known back then. If I had known these things back when I was 18 or 22, man, my sex life and relationship life in throughout my 20s would have been completely different. Different, as in orders of magnitude better.

Here they are, listed in no particular order:

1. Women are super horny and crave sex badly. Probably more than you do.

For most of my teenage and early adult years, I was under the impression that if I somehow “got” a woman to kiss me or have sex with me, I was somehow convincing her or tricking her into doing something she didn’t want to do.

Only much later in life did I discover it’s actually the exact opposite. The truth is women are far more sexual creatures than men are. Women are just as horny as dudes, if not more so. The difference is the amount of rules and regulations women place around sex thanks to Societal Programming.

Assuming she’s attracted to you, she wants to fuck you very, very badly, even if she acts like she doesn’t want to and even if she seems to resist sex. Perhaps even more than you want her. The only reason it seems like you are the one who wants it and she does not, is because she’s been trained her entire life to resist her biological urges and to pretend like she doesn’t like sex. As a man, you have no such conditioning. (Now don’t be stupid. This doesn’t mean you do anything against her will. It means you stop assuming that you are the one who wants sex more. You’re not.)

This is a huge misunderstanding about the word “seduction”. The art of seduction is not getting women to do what they don’t want to do. It is you creating a pathway for women to be comfortable with their desire to have sex with you as fast as possible without judgment.

It’s not an issue of desire. It’s an issue of rules and perception.

2. Women are nice. Women are not going to get mad at you when you open them. In most cases, they’ll be happy to have someone to talk to.

As a younger guy, I always expected that if I walked up to a woman and said hi, or asked a woman out on a date, she would get upset, possibly insult me, and possibly cause a scene.

In the real world, this doesn’t happen. As experienced daygame guys will tell you, 99% of women are extremely polite when you open them or ask them out, and are often flattered even if they aren’t attracted to you.

Societal Programming trains women to be sweet and polite to strangers. This is one of the very rare times Societal Programming actually works in your favor. Always remember that when you want to say hi to that cute girl, or ask a girl out, regardless of the outcome she will be sweet about it.

3. Women don’t care if you’re not that experienced.

A lot of younger guys are very ashamed that they are virgins, or have only had sex with three women or whatever. They assume that if they tell a woman of their inexperience, she’ll laugh at them and turn down sex for that reason alone.

While it’s true there are a small percentage of women who prefer experienced men, the vast majority of women out there, I’d say at least 85%, do not give a about shit how sexually experienced you are. Again, women are horny as hell and crave sex badly. Almost never is the past sexual experience of the man a make-or-break issue for a woman. Moreover, some women actually prefer less experienced guys, because they think (rightly or wrongly) that they’re not “players”.

As a young man, I fell into this trap myself. In my early twenties as a virgin beta male, I lied to the woman I lost my virginity to and told her I had sex with “ten women” already. What a dumbshit I was. This actually turned her off, not on. So I compounded the lie by telling another lie (this is one of the many reasons I don’t lie to women; lies necessitate other lies) and told her that I “hadn’t had sex for a year”. This turned her right back on again, and we had sex, and I lost my V-card.

That was the last time I ever lied to a woman. I was so ashamed about what I did that it took me many years to actually come clean and tell her she had been my first.

Learn from my stupidity as a young man. If you’re not that experienced, don’t pretend to women that you’re more experienced than you are. Your guy buddies might give you some shit about it, fine, but women really don’t mind. Worse, it may actually turn them off if you tell them otherwise.

4. For every woman who doesn’t like you, there’s another right around the corner who will.

I’ve already gone deep into this concept on my free podcasts, so to get the full detail you should listen to those.

I’ll just summarize here by saying that if a woman rejects you, your irrational reaction is that ALL women will reject you. Or all pretty women will reject you. Or whatever.

The truth is the exact opposite. A super hot girl will reject you in a bar (or bookstore or dating site) and then 30 seconds later the next super hot girl you hit up, who is just as hot and in the exact same location as the first girl, will really like you. This happens to me all the time on the online dating sites and to this day it still blows me away. When I was doing daygame I had the exact same experience.

This also applies to relationships. That new girl you’re seeing you think is Not Like The Rest™ is actually JUST like the rest. There’s thousands more just like her in your city alone. You don’t need to take any crap from her (unless you’re a high-drama guy who likes crap). There’s another girl just as hot, smart, and cool right around the corner who won’t give you any crap. That’s a fact.

5. Just because you like her, doesn’t mean you need to be her boyfriend. Just because you love her, doesn’t mean you have to move in with her. Just because you want kids with her, does not mean you have to legally marry her. 

Last week I was asked what my biggest regret in life was. I’ve lived a pretty good life and I’ve made a lot of good decisions, even as a younger guy, so I had to think hard about this.

I finally determined that my biggest regret was not taking two years in my early twenties and living abroad, specifically Asia (before marriage, kids, debt, health issues, and other typical older-man responsibilities). I thought about doing it at the time, but I didn’t. But that’s not relevant to this article. It’s my second biggest life regret that’s more important to you.

My second biggest regret in life was getting legally married to the woman I married back when I was 25 years old. Most of you already know I got divorced 9 years later, and I could have avoided a mountain of headaches. Now let be be clear, I don’t regret having a relationship with this woman. I don’t regret living with this woman for a time. I don’t regret having children with this woman. All of those things were fine.

No, the problem was that I legally married her. I simply did not have to do that. It was an extremely stupid move on my part. We could have dated, fallen in love, moved in together, had the exact same two children, then broken up as friends perhaps three for four years later. She simply would have moved out, I would have started paying child support, and her and I would have amicably moved on. No fuss, no muss.

That’s a far cry from a divorce, alimony, huge amounts of anger (mostly on her part), financial expense, lawyers, damaged credit records, tax complications, bitter memories, and literally years and years of wasted time on the part of her and I (and my children) that we’ll never be able to get back.

All because I was stupid enough to get married. Why did I do it? Simple. Back then I thought, as most of you guys do, that the only “proper” way to have kids was to chop off my balls and hand them over to a woman by signing a legal marriage contract and having a wedding. Of course, this is complete bullshit, but that’s what I thought.

Here’s the reality:

  • You can completely and truly love a woman, and she can love you, without you both being in a traditional monogamous beta male relationship.
  • You can live with a woman you love without legally marrying her. As a matter of fact, it is far safer legally and financially for you to do it this way.
  • You can raise happy, healthy children with a woman you love without legally marrying her. You and I live in a society with a 63% divorce rate, so getting married doesn’t mean shit anyway. Again, it is legally and financially safer for you to have children without the oppressive, ridiculous, and outdated structure of a legal marriage. (And if you simply can’t control yourself and “must” get married, there are ways you can do it without all of the usual risks.)

6. You have easier access to women, including attractive women, in high school and college than at any other time in your life.

I didn’t go to college of course, because going to college in the modern era is usually a terrible idea, but I did go to high school. Damn, during high school there were swarms of hot girls all over the place, and as a young dumb teenager I just became used to it. I assumed that’s how life was everywhere.

Holy crap, was I in for a shock when I left high school and went right into the full-time corporate world! My world shifted from hot, young, fun, happy high school girls to overweight, angry, jaded, stressed out, over-33 office women. Divorced or married, it made little difference, these women were radically different than the happy high school girls I was used to. Not to mention not nearly as attractive.

Seriously, going from high school directly into the corporate world was a huge culture shock. In high school, girls liked boys. In the corporate world, suddenly I heard women talk about how stupid men were and how all men were liars. I wasn’t prepared for such a sheer change in outlook.

I would hang out with my older brother, who at the time had just graduated college. He was talking with a big simile about how college was a “woman-fest”. While he agreed it was a smart move to skip college and go right to the corporate world, he lamented that I had missed out on the best “pile of tits” I could have ever experienced.

As I mentioned above, I didn’t lose my virginity until my early 20s. However if someone had sat me down during high school and explained to me that in two or three short years, I would never have the easy access to that many women for the rest of my life, and really demonstrated that for me, I’m pretty sure I would have lost my virginity much earlier. I would have taken advantage of the favorable conditions.

While college is a waste of time for most people, if you are currently in college, or even in high school, you need to use this time to take advantage of the fact there are hot women all over the place in your life. It will never, ever be like this again.

That being said, I don’t want to over-state this. With daygame, night game, and online dating, you easily have access to large amounts of women. One could also get a job where lots of hot women are common and concentrated, such as a bartender, bouncer, musician, photographer, or similar. Regardless, it’s a mathematical fact that as young guy in school, you’ll never have that easy access to that large number of women ever again.

Take advantage of this. Don’t wait like I did.

7. Your friends can get you laid. Don’t resist their help.

I saved the best for last. This one is huge.

When I was in my early 20s, before I started my business, I was a low-level manager at the corporate office of a big bank. One of the guys on my staff was a dude named Chris, who was year or two younger than me. This guy was a natural. While he was a shitty worker, he was good looking, extroverted, socially competent, and had natural game with women. He had sex with tons of chicks, and while some were ugly, many of them were hot as hell.

He really liked me and often invited me to parties, bars, and dance clubs. Being an introverted guy (and more introverted years ago than I am now), and very focused on my work like the business nerd I was (and partially still am), I usually turned him down. Big, big mistake on my part.

One day I finally relented and said yes to him. “Cool!” he cried, “I’m gonna get you so laid dude!” A few nights later he, I, and one of his buddies all went to a dance club downtown. He was meeting up with a few girls. I didn’t believe him. I thought there was no way “meeting up with girls” would be that easy.

I was wrong of course. When we arrived at the club there was a group of four hot, eager, young girls waiting for us, all dressed to the nines. Chris took the hottest one, a blonde who looked like a model. The second hottest one he shoved my way. Literally. He shoved her towards me, and introduced us. She was very cute, with big boobs and dark hair.

Later we were all dancing. I had no idea how to dance but I did my best to dance with Darkhair. While grinding up on Modelchick, Chris saw us and shook his head as if it say “No, no, that’s not how you do it you dumbass.” Then he walked over to us, and shoved us together. Darkhair’s tits pressed up against me and she gave me what they used to call the Doggy Dinner Bowl eyes. We kept dancing like that and it was great.

Did I end up having sex with Darkhair? Nope. I was too much of a pussy and didn’t know how to follow through. Chris laid Modelchick, plus many others, probably Darkhair too.

Chris kept on inviting me to parties and clubs and I kept saying no. For many years later I regretted doing this. I could have pulled so much high-quality ass as young guy had I just let Chris help me. Seriously, it would have taken years off my learning curve.

If you’re a young guy just starting out, if you have any natural friends, become their best damn friend and soak up all the knowledge you can from them. You can even get laid off their “droppings”. If you don’t have a natural friend, do your very best to get one. I can’t stress this enough.

Those are the top seven things I could think of. There are a few other things I may address in future posts.


Please comment and contribute to the discussion, but be sure to follow our rules

  1. says

    Hey BD,

    Great post as always. I’d just like to add to point 6. that entry level positions while still in college/just after college can also be a real “fuck fest”.

    In my case, my first gig was in a call center as customer service rep and the abundance of available young women and the ease of getting them was beyond I’ve ever seen in university (given, I was very much an introverted afc in uni).

    Still, I’d like to ask something slightly off topic:

    From what you learned now, how would you balance business/women in those early-mid 20s. Considering that starting off in business can be very time consuming (while still figuring out how to and making shitloads of mistakes) and the easiest way to get women is through social settings, which often involves late nights and alchohol?

    This is where I find myself these days: yes, going out of town to visit friends usually means easy (and great) sex, but at the same time I lose a lot of productive time, which sucks.

    Any ideas/tips would be very much appreciated.

  2. Sparks says

    BD this all rings true for me, particularly #1, #6 and #7. Am very surprised you lost your virginity so late. I also couldn’t get women in my college days and only lost mine at 20.

    I wish I had known all this at 27 not 37 but better late than never. Thanks to your help I’m still meeting those type 2 VYW’s online, 1 date already scheduled and currently talking to a couple of others, all aged 18-23 and very cute. Good times :)

  3. Jon says

    My biggest regret is the same as your second: getting legally married. Like you I don’t regret the relationship, just the mistakes I made (like jointly owning major assets) because I thought it was forever. The legal system also artificially extended the breakup process which prolonged the pain. File paperwork, wait, respond, wait, mediation, wait, cooling off period, wait… it was a year and half from when she decided the relationship was over to when the divorce was finalized.

    My second biggest regret is not taking advantage of my time in college. I partially blame it on not know what I was doing with women, but mostly on a lifetime of religious indoctrination. I commonly hear Christians argue that if you don’t believe and are wrong that you’ll burn in hell, but if you do believe and are wrong that you haven’t really lost anything. I’m not trying to turn this into a religious debate, but that statement is 100% bullshit. I wasted my college years because I believed an angry god was waiting to strike me down if I had sex outside of marriage, so there is definitely a cost to holding onto false beliefs. >:(

  4. Ned Berbage says

    As always, excellent practical advice, but the “Societal Programming” thing is just something you want very badly to believe. It’s irrelevant, except maybe in #1 where you enlist it in the service of a flat lie. When women want sex with a specific man, if they’re really into him, they want it really, really badly. But if there isn’t a specific man they’re crazy about, they can just get on with their lives. Involuntary celibacy doesn’t drive women into depression and despair as it does men.

    Not a lot of women dumpster-dive just to get laid.

    Oh, but it’s Societal Programming that makes them need intimacy less! Because somebody on the internet reified it REALLY HARD by making it look like a proper noun.

    The assertion that the male and female of any given species have identical sexual instincts is a very extreme claim, to the point of absurdity. “Take my word for it” isn’t evidence. A high notch count isn’t evidence; other men with high notch counts disagree. “The null hypothesis threatens my ego defences for reasons I can’t articulate” isn’t evidence (that one is evidence of something else — that it’s time to reexamine some assumptions, as you expect readers to reexamine theirs about monogamy when they start fanatically defending that Maginot Line).

    But as I said, it’s mostly irrelevant: As long as you describe female behavior accurately you can attribute it to witchcraft or the Illuminati or whatever. #1 above is something you just made up because observation contradicts your preferred theory, and you prefer the theory. Your value as a writer is that you rarely fall into that trap.

  5. jack says

    If you didn’t know what to do with women, college was more a source of pain then a source of pleasure. I was a totally ignorant afc with women and I went to a major university with a student body of 12000. I only got laid once and only because she was drunk. I had to wait until roughly 23 until I started to grow some balls and see things a little better. But the only time I was able to score hotties in my 20s was because of my natural friend who had so many girls that he used to pass off 9s to his friends. He also used to love to double team almost every girl he banged. Unbelievable the psychology of an early 20 something natural who has internalized abundance.

    Young men today don’t realize what the internet and the seduction community / manosphere allows them to do. Every young man today has NO excuse not to live their 20s in abundance or relative abundance. But if you were young in the 90s (and you didn’t discover the old alt-fast-seduction newsgroup which was buried) and you were not a natural, you were capped to what you could enjoy with women. I was capped to a life of relative scarcity and then marrying a 6.5 who was my age, who I now divorced. I could cry when I think about what a 20 year old me could have done with game. I wouldn’t even have needed to be a pua to have had sex with a bevy of pretty young girls. Just the macro-psychology understanding of female sexuality (especially token LMR) would have been enough for an above average young male with good musculature to get laid in the 90s. But an entire generation of men were feminized and betatized by the time they were 20. With no self correction mechanism.

    I could spit.

  6. BlackdragonBlackdragon says

    how would you balance business/women in those early-mid 20s

    I balance things now, but I didn’t balance anything during my early 20s. I 100% focused on my business and financial goals. I had zero social life, took almost no vacations, and got laid very, very little. BUT…I started from zero at age 18 and was making six figures by age 27. Then after my divorce I more than made up for the lack of sex in my early 20s.

    So in my case, being out of balance for a while “worked”. For more extroverted guys, or with guys with less intense goals than I had/have, being more balanced might be a valid approach. But not for me. When I want something, I want it. Screw everything else.

    Young men today don’t realize what the internet and the seduction community / manosphere allows them to do. Every young man today has NO excuse not to live their 20s in abundance or relative abundance


  7. fudgeman says

    BD, I’m very curious about this limited day game career you always talk about. Since your a man of systems and procedure ( you basically find and lay women the same as you procure business and cash ) I’m really interested in what your style was. What were your steps? How did you select locations? How did you avoid being “the creepy old guy”? Did you go indirect or direct? I’m sure it would make for a great blog post. Now that your blog is expanding a bit outside of strictly online dating, perhaps you could fill us in?

    I follow Nick Krausers blog and have read his day game book. Like you he is a man of systems. His system is solid but problem is it’s geared toward eastern european girls. Women in the USA are much different.

  8. jack says

    I follow Nick Krausers blog and have read his day game book. Like you he is a man of systems. His system is solid but problem is it’s geared toward eastern european girls. Women in the USA are much different.

    Tom Torerro uses the same system as Krauser. Its basically the Yad direct stop method; created by the Iraqi born British PUA Yad. (He taught all these British PUAs this technique.) Torerro has a video at daygame.com of his trip to Manhattan. He used the same damn system and stopped many pretty young American girls. They all loved it. It works fine in America. Its not just EE girls. All girls respond to a direct compliment and then interesting conversation. American girls are no different. IMO, it is the best direct daygame “technology” out there. If I had this system in the early 90s (along with game), I would have Yad-stopped the Eastern seaboard of the United States. It makes daygame ridiculously simple. Really, Krauser and Torerro are just following a well laid out system (but their good at it).

    The problem though… is this. Your age. The 50 year old Love Systems coach Jeff “Bullet” says that if the girl is more than 10 years younger than your PERCEIVED age then you need to go indirect or else you run a high risk of being creepy. I think he’s right. I’m in my 40s and when I do daygame I mostly use indirect. But it is very hard to close young girls. At least for me. I do go direct on 30 somethings though. And I have had some amazing responses. I think I gave one 37 year old an orgasm on the spot using Yad’s method. She told me on the instadate we had that she hadn’t been stopped like that in years (I never slept with her though as it turned out she lives too far away). The 34 year old that I slept with using this told me that she told everyone she knew about “the guy that stopped her on the street” to compliment her “in such a nice way”.

    But if you want the young girls, you need to be young or really fucking youthful. I need work on that latter part. That being said, I too would like to hear about BDs daygame exploits these days. He posted on it in mASF back in the day but that was years ago. Being that he is able to find girls 20 years younger than him on line, my guess is that when you’re that good at on-line game, daygame urgency dies down.

  9. BlackdragonBlackdragon says

    I have not done any concentrated daygame since back in 2008 (perhaps a little in 2009 too). In retrospect, it was very clumsy and very technique-heavy, but I did get laid a little and they were young (18-20 year olds). I essentially used very old-school Neil Strauss stuff, and my game was extremely indirect. I primarily used malls as my venues.

    Jack is correct…my online game became so seamless and easy, daygame became too time consuming by comparison, so I stopped. Today I do daygame only when I see someone very attractive AND she’s alone AND I have plenty of time to kill AND I’m dressed decently. This is somewhat rare but it does happen.

    In a few more months I’ll be done losing weight and I will be diving back into daygame again, mostly to satisfy my own curiosity, since both my game and my personal appearance is far better than it was back in 2008. (However, I am six years older as well, and have crossed age 40. We’ll see if that makes any difference.)

    Bullet is exactly right. If a woman is more than 10 years younger than you, you MUST use indirect game. It’s a weird coincidence, since the very next blog post here (that I’ve already written) will be about exactly that topic. :)

  10. BlackdragonBlackdragon says

    As always, excellent practical advice, but the “Societal Programming” thing is just something you want very badly to believe. It’s irrelevant, except maybe in #1 where you enlist it in the service of a flat lie. When women want sex with a specific man, if they’re really into him, they want it really, really badly. But if there isn’t a specific man they’re crazy about, they can just get on with their lives. Involuntary celibacy doesn’t drive women into depression and despair as it does men.

    You’re absolutely correct and I’m not sure where you disagree with me. I have said before that women, unlike men, can switch off sexual desire and not have sex for a year or two and be perfectly happy. But this has nothing to do with Societal Programming, it’s about a difference in biology.

    My point is if a woman is on a dating site, or has agreed to go out on a date with you, she’s (likely) not in one of these no-sex modes. Then she wants sex. Badly. The only difference between her and you is ASD, which is a form of Societal Programming. As a man, you (likely) don’t have any, and she will (likely) have some or a lot.

  11. lazy guy says

    BD, this is good stuff, as usual.
    I wonder about you possibly writing an equivalent post for men over 40. But maybe that has to be written by a guy who’s in his sixties now? ha

  12. BlackdragonBlackdragon says

    That’s a very interesting idea. Let me think about that.

    Usually it’s guys in their 20s and 30s making the huge mistakes they have to spend the rest of their lives paying the price for.

    Guys in their 40s either clean up their acts or simply repeat the same mistakes in a slightly calmer way. (Getting married AGAIN, and not signing a prenup AGAIN, for example.)

    But I’ll I said, I’ll give it some thought.

  13. Jack outside the box says

    BD, I viciously disagree with you about number 3. Pre-selection is real. Women identify the alpha by his sexual experience because they look towards other women for clues about which men are attractive. If a man in his 30s, for example, has little experience with women, women will assume there’s something wrong with him, because who are they to argue with the women in his past who know him better?

    Being sexually inexperienced is a major turn off for most women, unless you want to talk about the prudes and the anti-player religious ones.

  14. BlackdragonBlackdragon says

    I was more talking about within the context of a woman you’re already working on, when there is at least some level of attraction already there. My point was she won’t suddenly disqualify you if she finds out you’re sexually inexperienced.

  15. says


    Your list here is impressive. I enjoy your style of writing and your ways of explaining certain manosphere subjects is easier to understand then other bloggers of the sphere.

    Your number 2 is something I think is underrated in the sphere and doesn’t get talked about enough. I agree 100% that most women are actually sweet and like the rush of excitement they get when a guy has the confidence to approach them; even more in the light of the day. These are the kind of things guy with approach anxiety need to hear!!

    Also, women not caring if you’re experienced or not is another great tip to get guys over approach anxiety. All women care about are the emotions and feeling they’re experiencing from you. With all these chemicals flourishing, they don’t give a damn about the truth, as long as you act congruent with your attitude that’s turning her on.


  16. says

    Great post BD.

    The advice that I liked more was the 5. Perfect fit to the stage that i’m crossing right now.

    After 5 years together my LTR asked me to get married (that was about 7 months ago), but I was not sure what to do, now I know to marry is not a good idea, and neither is monogamy. The next challenge is to figure out what the best option for us. (She is 24 and I 27)

    Any opinion is accepted.

  17. BlackdragonBlackdragon says

    After 5 years together my LTR asked me to get married (that was about 7 months ago), but I was not sure what to do, now I know to marry is not a good idea, and neither is monogamy. The next challenge is to figure out what the best option for us. (She is 24 and I 27)

    OLTR or live-in OLTR.

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