One of the rules you must follow for FB and MLTR relationships is to never demonstrate “boyfriend behaviors.” They cause nothing but problems, thus you must be aware of what they are. Even with OLTR relationships, where some of these behaviors are allowed, they need to be tightly controlled and your outcome independent, Alpha frame must be rock solid at all times.
Why Are Boyfriend Behaviors Bad?
Boyfriend behaviors generally result in the following negative conditions:
1. They significantly shorten NRE. If you give a woman all she wants, her comfort with you sets in much faster than if you do not.
2. They increase the likelihood of drama. Once again, it’s about comfort. If she feels she has you by the balls because you’re kissing her ass all the time, she’ll feel more “comfortable” about giving you drama because she’ll know you’re more likely to put up with it.
3. They raise, or at least continue, the expectation for future boyfriend behaviors, and conflict will occur if she doesn’t get them. For example, if for Valentines Day you give her jewelry, a fancy dinner and a limousine ride, next year she’ll expect the exact same thing. If you do anything less next year, she’ll actually be disappointed even if she doesn’t have a gold-digging bone in her body. If you just take her out to dinner on V-Day and that’s it, next year that’s all she’ll expect. Boyfriend behaviors constantly raise the bar in terms of her future expectations of you.
4. They increase betaization and the likelihood of demands for things like sexual monogamy. The reasons why should be obvious. The more you act like a traditional boyfriend, the more she’ll expect you to be one.
What Exactly Are Boyfriend Behaviors?
A boyfriend behavior isn’t “anything nice” or “anything romantic.” With MLTRs, some nice, romantic (or romantic-ish) behaviors are okay. (Nothing romantic at all is allowed with FBs .)
Taking a MLTR out on a date to a nice dinner is perfectly fine. Having her spend the night is also fine. Cuddling a little is also perfectly fine. These are romantic behaviors, but they aren’t necessarily boyfriend behaviors. The difference is that she is accustomed to men who were not her boyfriend doing these things in the past.
She’s probably already spent the night with a guy who was not her boyfriend, and she’s most definitely received a free dinner at a restaurant from a man who was not her boyfriend. Therefore, it’s okay do to these things with a MLTR, provided you’re following all of the other nonmonogamous relationship rules (don’t contact her very often, only see her once a week, make sure she cums every time you have sex, etc). If you aren’t doing these things, then even these simple and nice but non-boyfriend behaviors will cause problems for you. For the remainder of this article, I’m going to assume that you’re doing all of the relationship rules correctly.
A “romantic” behavior becomes a “boyfriend” behavior when it feels like only a boyfriend would do it. This difference can be difficult to describe, so the best way is through a few examples. Here’s a list of things that are romantic but non-boyfriend behaviors, and are thus okay in a MLTR or similar relationship:
1. Going out to dinner and paying for it.
2. Cuddling, eye gazing, and other physical romantic contact.
3. Spending the night (as long you’re still only seeing her once a week).
4. Sincere compliments that have nothing to do with her appearance.
5. Getting her a card and/or a small, inexpensive gift for her birthday or Christmas.
Here’s a list of things that are definitely boyfriend behaviors, all of which should be completely avoided with MLTRs and similar relationships. (These are not all-inclusive; there are many others besides just these.)
1. Talking on the phone every day (even if she initiates it).
2. Texting every day (even if she initiates it).
3. Seeing her more than once a week.
4. Spending many days in a row with her.
5. Extravagant dates that involve real money spent and/or multiple venues, where you pay for the entire thing.
6. Meeting her parents, or her meeting yours.
7. Romantic gifts (roses, chocolates, etc)
8. Expensive gifts (jewelry, etc)
9. Trips, where you both go away for several days and you pay for all of it or most of it.
10. Giving her cash, loaning her money, or helping her out with her bills. (Exception to this rule: If you’re doing full-bore sugar daddy game.)
11. Telling her you love her.
12. Telling her you miss her or are thinking about her.
These are all things boyfriends do. They are above and beyond something a guy she’s dating would do. If you engage in any of these boyfriend behaviors, say hello to some drama, demands, or both, in short order.
When Are Boyfriend Behaviors Appropriate?
Boyfriend behaviors are never appropriate for FBs.
Boyfriend behaviors are never appropriate for low-end MLTRs.
Some boyfriend behaviors might be okay for a high-end MLTR, but realize that you’re really pushing the envelope if you do this. I only recommend boyfriend behaviors for a high-end MLTR if you feel you are pretty experienced with nonmonogamy and have a good, solid, Alpha frame. If you’re still at the beginner or even intermediate level of relationship game, boyfriend behaviors should be avoided for all MLTRs, low or high.
Boyfriend behaviors are allowed for an OLTR. However! As I’ve said many times, having an OLTR girlfriend is not a license to start being a beta. You can love her all you want, but you cannot get oneitis. She must fully understand that you’re going to keep having sex with other women (FBs only), and be doing so forever, since you don’t want any of the typical, feminine “someday he’ll change” stuff in her head. She needs to understand that if she starts throwing any serious drama or demands your way as a pattern of behavior, you will end the relationship without hesitation. As always, your outcome independent frame must be 100% ironclad with this stuff, or else it will blow up in your face later.
If you don’t think you have the discipline or self control to do that kind of thing yet, avoid having an OLTR until you feel you’re ready. Stick with FBs and MLTRs. FBs and MLTRs are fucking awesome, so there’s never any rush to get an OLTR.
But I Want To Do Boyfriend Behaviors!
I know that some of you are going to read this and respond with,
“But BD, I like doing stuff like that with women, even if she’s not my girlfriend or OLTR or whatever.”
I don’t care what you like. Facts are facts, and the facts are that if you start doing this stuff with a non-OLTR, you’re in for drama and shit down the road. If you’re one of those guys who likes drama or doesn’t mind drama, then by all means, ignore all of my advice and do whatever you want. But if you like long-term happiness instead, you’ve got to follow these parameters.
Remember that at some point, you can get an OLTR, and as long as you keep your balls, you can be Mr. Boyfriend, or even Mr. Husband, and do all of that romantic crap. You just can’t do that until A) you know you can handle it and B) you find a woman who qualifies for OLTR. In my book that means she’s a near-perfect MLTR, with zero or minimal drama or demands, for at least 6-12 months before you upgrade her to OLTR status. As always, OLTR status is something that a woman must earn. It’s not something you just throw at a girl because you like her.
What If She Demands Boyfriend Behaviors?
What if she texts you every day? What if she demands more expensive or extravagant dates? What if she demands that you see her more often than once a week? What if she demands you stop having sex with other women on the side?
The point is to never engage in boyfriend behaviors just because a woman complains about them or demands them. If she doesn’t like it, that’s her problem. She’s welcome to dump you and go get with a beta who will chop off his own balls by kissing her ass any time she wants. Boyfriend behaviors are only something you do when you want to do them, in a scenario where they make sense (a long-term OLTR or possibly a high-end MLTR).
As always, this is your life. You’re in charge. Do the right things at the right time, and you’ll be rewarded with long-term happiness. Do otherwise, and you’ll be like most other men; constantly fighting and having drama with the women they’re dating.
The choice is yours. Choose wisely.