If you have no interest in OLTR’s or serious (and nonmonogamous) relationships, then feel free to take the day off today. For the rest of you, this is the latest update of what’s going on with me and my girlfriend (OLTR), Pink Firefly. Whenever I talk about this, my web and email traffic experience a boost, so this is clearly something many of you are interested in.
As usual, I will tell you as much as I can, but there are certain details I can’t reveal publicly, particularly financial information (hers or mine) or the really personal stuff on her end.
For more details on Pink Firefly herself and the genesis of our relationship, go read this post. I will not answer any questions in the comments that have already been answered in that post.
March is right around the corner, and that month marks our one-year anniversary of the two of us being serious. (Before that she was a FB for a few years.) During the last 12 months of being “serious,” we had only two arguments, both of them several months ago, late in 2016. I can’t tell you the reasons for the arguments, but in both cases they were A) extremely stupid, minor issues and B) the real problem was not the issue we were discussing, but rather us learning how to communicate with each other.
As I stated before, PF is extremely feminine and on the high end of the emotional scale, and I am extremely masculine and on the (very) low end of the emotional scale. The good news is that this results in an extreme level of attraction between us since opposites tend to attract. The bad news is that we communicate very differently. Fortunately, we’re both older, intelligent, experienced, and very motivated to be with each other for the long-term. Thus, we have both made some adjustments in how we communicate with each other. This is standard relationship stuff.
Something that is not standard, that I learned years ago when I was married, is that it’s actually difficult for a woman to be with a man who is happy all the time. I’m being very serious here. When you’re upset, your natural human inclination is for your partner to be upset “with” you. If instead they are smiling, happy, and even singing to themselves while you’re upset, this might rub you the wrong way.
As a woman, PF is highly verbal and needs to talk her problems out. Per my definition of drama, this is fine as long as the reason she’s upset isn’t me. She knows she can talk to me for as long as she likes regarding any problem or irritation she has in her life, without judgments. I’ve learned not to act too happy when she does this, keeping smartass comments and laughing/singing to a minimum when she has clearly had a bad day. Fortunately, she usually cheers up after talking her problems out and is back to her usual happy self. This is typical for most women (though not all).
NRE was strangely delayed for the two of us, at least it was for me (I think PF would say the same about herself). Instead of having it at the beginning of the serious part of the relationship (last March), it sort of kicked in around last November. Since then, the NRE between us has been crazy and I’m utterly intoxicated with love and desire for this wonderful woman. She’s actually the first woman in my life that I actually miss a little bit when she’s gone. (Seriously. I’ve never “missed” any woman before, even in prior serious relationships.)
But! As always, while I have love and NRE, I don’t have oneitis. I haven’t broken any of my rules, nor made any major compromises, nor will I. As I’ve said before, if you have to make any non-minor compromises for a woman you’re with, that means you’re with the wrong woman. (And remember that for you Alphas, and even many of you betas, promising to never get sexual with another woman is not a minor compromise!)
That leaves minor compromises, and those are okay for an OLTR who has proven herself. One of them was that I have extended the time of the 20 second rule for her to a little longer (a few minutes) in times where she actually is giving me drama (which thankfully has been extremely rare with her). I agreed to do this as long as she promised to keep drama to a minimum, which she has so far. She’s not the lowest-drama woman I’ve ever dated, but she’s certainly in that zone. It’s nice.
Our schedule is pretty regular. She spends the entire weekend at my house and I’ll usually see her once during the week at her place. During some odd weekends, I’ll spend time at her place instead, but usually she’s at my place. As an OLTR, the once-a-week rule no longer applies (that’s for MLTR’s and FB’s only).
Regarding the nonmonogamous aspect, both she and I are, of course, allowed to have sex with others on the side as long as they’re just FB’s and nothing more. I have maintained a small portfolio of regular or semi-regular long-term FB’s throughout the relationship. Several months ago, I actually had the quality problem of having too many of these women for my schedule. So in the last few weeks, I have slowly been nexting them and/or just not contacting them, keeping only the few who have somewhat more reliable schedules.
My goal, as always, is to have just one FB on the side, but this may be impossible since one is too close to zero, and zero is de facto monogamy, which of course is unacceptable, because I like happiness. So my backup goal is to have one FB plus one backup FB to her. Both of these women need to be pretty responsible, and since most of my FB’s are pretty young, I’m not there yet. I hope to be there before PF moves in with me. We’ll see.
Since this is her first nonmonogamous relationship, PF has been patient and understanding with that aspect, but she still doesn’t love it. At one point she was concerned that I was too close to my FB’s. No problem; I just started letting her look through my phone whenever she wants.
The very first time she did it, she found two or three statements I made to a few of them (out of the hundreds she looked at) that she was uncomfortable with. I promised her I would keep the communication to just friendly scheduling and not much else, which I have done over the last few months. She still semi-regularly looks at my phone which is perfectly fine. As an Alpha Male 2.0, I have nothing to hide. I am who I am. Take me or leave me, because I’m never changing.
PF expressed that she felt “gross” that I was having sex with my FB’s in my house, a place she spends a lot of time in. I had already told her that I don’t have sex with FB’s in my bed, which I now consider as “our” bed. This made her feel a little better but I could tell she was still uncomfortable with the idea that sex was going on in other locations in my house.
So, I told her that I would figure out a way to have all sex with FB’s outside the home. I told her that I wasn’t planning on doing this until she moved in with me in a few months (more on that in a minute). However, I said that I would start working on that now, so she wouldn’t have to wait that long. It will take me a few weeks to arrange all of those logistics. I will discuss exactly how I end up doing this in a future post, probably when PF moves in with me. I’m a long-term thinker so I already had all of this stuff planned out years in advance.
This is the final compromise I plan on making for her in this area. Cutting back on the number and frequency of the FB’s (something I wanted to do anyway), letting her look through my phone, and moving the sex outside of my home is going to have to be enough for her (and it seems like it is, though time will tell of course).
Now for the scary stuff. She and I have gone shopping for engagement rings. (EDIT/UPDATE: Listen. Are you listening? Good. If you’re a long-term reader of my stuff, and immediately assume that buying a ring for a woman automatically means monogamy and/or legally combining finances with her at some point in the future, then with all due respect, you’re either an idiot, or you are deeply seeped in false Societal Programming. Calm the fuck down.) Don’t panic. There’s about five ways to get “married” and whatever I’ll do will be Alpha 2.0 compatible, so don’t freak out. The current plan, subject to change, is to get engaged a little later, move in together, and then have some kind of marriage ceremony in a year or two if everything is still going swimmingly. I will give you all the details on these events if/when they happen.
The only solid date we’ve set is April 1st, where, on that day, we will pick a specific date for her to move in, which will likely be shortly thereafter. I can’t tell you why we have to do it that way because it involves both of our personal finances (and personal lives too).
My daughter must move out of my house by September 9th of this year; it’s a deal her and I made. This means there might be some overlap of a few months where I live with Pink Firefly, her dog, my daughter, and her dog. Fuck me. From living completely alone for almost a decade to five creatures living in my house in less than two years. Not a small change. Oh well. At least it will only be a few months, and my house is plenty big enough to accommodate everyone. (Again, having an OLTR was in the plan all along, so I made sure to get a house big enough when I moved last year.)
Nothing else in my life has changed. My Mission continues unabated, my businesses continue to grow, and my plans to move out of the USA by 2025 (if not sooner!) continue just as before. PF is just as disgusted at where our country is going as I am (though some of our reasons are different). At the moment, she really wants us to move to New Zealand because they speak English. NZ is on my short list of countries, but it’s not as cheap as I’d like and taxation would be a problem unless we spent six months there and six months somewhere else (which oddly, was my original plan way back in 2011).
Follow me over at the Caleb Jones Blog if you want all the precise details on my Five Flags plan to move out of the country so I can save assloads of money money on taxes while leaving the slowly dying West behind. Win-win. When the shit hits the fan here, I want to be as far away as possible. Paying all these god damn taxes just so the US government can give my money to people who don’t want to work, or to constantly drone-bomb civilians in the Middle East doesn’t make much sense to me either.
More updates to come, but that’s where things with PF and I stand at the moment. Life is good, as always.