I have an entire book on how to convert a monogamous marriage or monogamous live-in (nonmarried) relationship to an open one. It’s right here, and if you are currently living with a woman in a monogamous relationship or marriage, I strongly suggest you get that book right now so you can actually start living like a man again.
However, I know many of you reading this are (sadly) already in a monogamous relationship with a woman even though you haven’t moved in with her. If you want to convert that relationship to an open one where you’re allowed to have sex with other women under a certain set of ground rules, how do you do that? Today, I will show you.
We need to be clear what you’re converting to. You are converting from a LTR, a relationship where you’re only allowed to have sex with your girlfriend (which is insane, anti-masculine, beta as fuck, conducive to both drama and lying, and unsustainable) to an OLTR where she’s still your girlfriend, but you’re allowed to have sex with other women provided they’re only FB’s or one night stands. Much better.
You can not convert an LTR to a MLTR or FB, so don’t even try. No Western woman will allow this unless the scenario is highly unusual (like you’re a wealthy multimillionaire or something). If you’re so fed up with your current LTR that you actually don’t want her as a girlfriend anymore, just politely dump her, move on to other women, and maybe go back to re-acquire her as a MLTR or FB a year or so down the road.
Before we talk about how to convert, we have to get one thing straight first…
You May Lose Her
Converting from monogamy to nonmonogamy with a serious partner is psychologically difficult for both men and women. The problem isn’t that nonmonogamy is bad. Quite the opposite; it’s quite wonderful. The problem is you’re radically shifting the pattern of behavior she’s already become accustomed to. If you both have BBQ chicken for dinner every Saturday night, and one Saturday night, you tell her you’re both eating fish instead, she’s going to be confused and upset because it’s not what she’s used to, not because fish is bad.
Therefore, even if you do everything right, she may just dump you. Therefore, before you convert anyone, you need to accept with 100% conviction that this may happen, and that you are 100% emotionally prepared for this. If you can’t do this, then you have oneitis, you are a pussy and a beta male, and there is nothing I or anyone else can do to help you. Have fun living a life of drama, limitations, and pain.
I’m not saying she will leave you. I’m saying she might leave you. What are the odds that she’ll leave? There’s no way to know without me examining your relationship in detail. They could be low, they could be high. Guys who are married or live with their girlfriends often have high odds of her staying (usually 70% or higher) because a woman living with a man has lots of logistical investment, such as finances, lifestyle, social standing, religious validation, possibly children, etc. Your girlfriend who doesn’t live with you has none of that stuff. As I’ve talked about many times, she can just end the relationship and replace you with the next slobbering beta male whenever she likes, and she knows it. This means the odds of her leaving really depend on other factors, such as how good of a boyfriend you’ve been, how much she loves you / needs you, how much drama you two have had, how often you make her cum during sex, how long your relationship has been, how hot she is, how old she is, and many other factors.
Once you emotionally accept that she may leave, then you can choose one of two ways to convert her.
The Returning Hero Method
This easier, though more emotionally difficult (for you) method is the Returning Hero Method. Here’s essentially how you do it:
1. You break up with her, but do so very, very nicely.
2. You go away from her, have sex with other hot women, and Alpha-up in all areas of your life (sex, fitness, work, Mission), etc.
3. 2-6 months later, you return to your ex and make her a FB, MLTR, or OLTR, while still continuing to have sex with other women.
Frankly, most guys in monogamous relationships aren’t going to have the balls to do this. Oneitis is endemic to monogamy, so most monogamous men are going to be horrified at the suggestion that they actually break up with their girlfriend (albeit temporarily) in order to open up the relationship with her. Regardless, this method works. By leaving her first, and staying away, and having sex with other women, your attractiveness in her eyes goes way up.
During that time, you ramp up the Alpha as much as you can. (Getting my book on how to do this would be a good start.) Have sex with 2-4 other women, ideally as hot or hotter than she is. Start exercising regularly and/or lifting weights if you don’t already. Lose a little weight. Set some big goals, ideally a Mission if you can, and really get into your work.
Do this for 2-6 months. During this time, do not contact your girlfriend, but you are allowed to respond to her texts or messages as long as she doesn’t text you all the time. If she does, stop responding to her, or only respond to her about once or twice a week. (The Returning Hero Method is not a soft next, so the rules are a little different.)
After 2-6 months, “return” to her. You’ll be a very different man in her yes (or at least you should be, or else you did this wrong). All you have to do is send her a text or hit her up on Facebook, have a brief back and forth conversation, and tell her that she should come over to your place. Do not go out on a date; you’ve already had sex with her many times so re-gaming her is not required. Just tell her to come over and you two can “hang out.”
When she comes over, have sex, and just start having sex with her under the usual FB or MLTR models. You can quickly upgrade her to OLTR within a month if you really want to, but that means you’ll have to have The Talk first.
If this method seems a little too dangerous to you, you can use the second method which is harder and involves more drama, but may seem a little less risky.
The Just Do It Method
This method is when you convert the LTR to an OLTR by the only other way possible; by just doing it. You follow these general steps:
1. You have a sit-down discussion with her where you tell her, not ask her, but tell her that you are going to start having sex with other women. As soon as she opens her mouth to scream at you, you interrupt her by quickly stating these five conditions:
A. She is still your girlfriend and you’re not leaving or ending the relationship.
B. All the other women will be fuck buddies or one night stands, that’s it. There will be no “dating” other women.
C. You will use a condom 100% of the time with these women.
D. You will be extremely discreet and not tell anyone else you’re doing it. You will never do anything like post pics of these women on your Facebook or Instagram pages, talk about them with other people, etc.
E. She is allowed to have sex with other men if she really wants to, as long as she adheres to the above rules like you are.
2. She will scream, yell, and cry. When she threatens to break up with you, tell her that you love her, want to be with her forever, and don’t want that to happen, but if she feels that’s what she needs to do, you’ll understand and let her go. You just want her to be happy.
3. Put your cock inside a new woman within seven days of this discussion. (Use a condom of course; don’t be stupid.) If you tell your LTR that you’re going to have sex with other women and you don’t do it, you will severely damage your relationship and further increase your standing as an unattractive beta male in her eyes.
The tell, not ask part is the most important component of this process. Most monogamous men attempting to open up the relationship do so by meekly going to their girlfriends (or wives) and just “bring it up,” or worse, ask them for permission. Of course, this never works. No monogamous woman will ever verbally allow you to start fucking other women unless it was her idea first, so asking for her permission, or attempting to use logic or her good graces to get her to say yes won’t work. Instead, you just have to tell her you’re going to do it whether she likes it or not, and just start doing it. If you’ve been a good boyfriend and she loves you very much, she’ll put up with it and make it work. If not, she won’t. Ether way, you’re better off and no longer a beta, so I view this as a win/win.
It’s also important to throw those five things at her as fast as possible when you first tell (not ask, but tell) her that you’re going to do this. This is because every objection she’ll throw at you is covered by those five things. She can’t object to something you’ve already covered. All she can do is stay with you and make it work, or leave you and irrationally hope the next guy won’t eventually cheat on her (which, of course, he will).
Be very kind, understanding, and loving throughout this entire process. This is going to be very hard for her, and it’s not her fault (it’s YOUR fault for getting monogamous in the first place, you dumbass).
If she stays with you, she’s now your OLTR, and you must adhere to those rules (only have sex with FB’s, keep your outcome independent frame, never get de facto monogamous, etc).
If she leaves you, no problem. Man up, stop crying, and take advantage of your new freedom by having sex with some new women. Get 2-4 FB’s or MLTR’s on rotation (read this article on how to do that), and wait at least four months if you don’t hear from her, and hit her up again. Have a brief conversation, then invite her over to your place. If she agrees, have sex with her again, and bring her back into your life as a FB or MLTR. (She can not be an OLTR; she dumped you when you verbalized nonmonogamy so she’s probably not qualified for an OLTR. Hey, you could have been like most other men and just cheated on her behind her back. Instead, you treated her like an adult and were honest and up-front with her. If she responded to this by dumping you, she’s not OLTR material.)
If instead she refuses to see you, nicely end the conversation immediately and hit her up again in about a year. Keep having sex with your new MLTR’s and FB’s.
Regardless if she stays with you or not, welcome your balls back to your body, and enjoy your new Alpha Male 2.0 life. You’ve got a great future.