We all know why we have sex.
We have sex because we’re horny. We have sex because our biology compels us to. We have sex to have babies (well, not usually, but sometimes). We have sex to deepen a connection to another person (well, not usually, but sometimes). In some cases, particularly with men, we have sex to let off steam or de-stress. In other cases, particularly with women, we have sex because we’re getting something financial out of the deal. We all know those reasons, and they’re all valid, or can be.
I think there are deeper reasons.
I’m a man, so I look at this from the masculine perspective. I can make some educated guesses as to these deeper reasons for sex (if any) from the female perspective, but I will never know for sure what it’s like to be a woman, so I’ll stick with the masculine perspective for the moment.
Something that has been on my mind lately is that we men have so few ways of expressing our primitive feelings and characteristics. I realize I’m not alone in making this observation, that many men, from Jack Donovan to Sylvester Stallone, have been complaining about this for years.
I still remember the feeling of pure exhilaration I felt as a kid during the few times I was allowed to compete in full-contact karate (we didn’t have MMA or UFC back then). There were times I would leave the center of the dojo battered and bloody, literally bloody, and I felt fantastic. (I discuss one of these times in detail in my book.)
We don’t fight in combat anymore, at least not the vast majority of us, like we did hundreds or thousands of years ago. Men don’t experience that anymore. Even if we do experience combat, usually it’s in a controlled environment where you’re wearing protective equipment and not allowed to do certain things. That’s fine, but I don’t think we can truly tap into our full, primitive masculinity that way.
Even guys in the military serving in war zones these days are under all kinds of the most insane, politically correct restrictions, even often being forced to radio in to get permission to fire back if you’re being fired upon. I have many readers in the military and I hear many of your stories about this. (Funny story. I still remember talking to an old friend way back in the 1990’s, and I was saying, “Jesus. Just imagine if this baby boomer generation actually had to go to war. What a cluster fuck that would be!” Well, now we know.)
That’s just combat. What about fighting animals or nature to get our food? For most of the human existence, we men had to do that. Its true that ancient man ate mostly fruit, vegetables, and nuts, but we also used to hunt, kill, and eat all kinds of beasts, from sabre-toothed tigers and buffalo to antelope and even lions. Often, if we didn’t hunt and kill something, we’d be in big trouble, including starvation or banishment from our tribe.
Imagine going out with your buddies, with no armor, armed only with wooden spears, to go hunt a fucking sabre-toothed tiger. I’m serious now… really think about that. Hell, even hunting buffalo was extremely dangerous.
That’s what I’m talking about.
Think about this. When was the last time you were literally in fear for your life because of a close and real danger? I don’t mean bullshit like “North Korea might nuke us,” or “This guy on the internet threatened to kill me.” No no no. That kind of bullshit is just modern-day beta male hand-wringing. I mean, when was the last time a man pulled a knife on you with the intent to use it? Or the last time you were in the wilderness and a bear reared up in front of you while roaring? Or the last time you fell off a mountainside and were clambering for dear life?
Do you see what I mean?
I’ve talked at length about how much I love technology, am pro-technology, can’t wait for more technological advancement, and how I can’t wait to explore virtual worlds or become a cyborg. I’m serious.
At the same time, I admit we men have lost something. Something precious. Something many of us crave. Movies like American Beauty, Falling Down, and Fight Club tapped into a lot of this. I think any time you see an action movie and witness the conflict and death, and have a smile on your face (as I often do during action movies), we’re tapping back into this, just a little bit.
I also think there’s another way we tap into this as men: sex.
I think sex is one of the few ways we men have left of going back to our ancient roots, a time of raw physicality, danger, and dominance. When we have sex, assuming we really let ourselves go (and many men can’t or won’t), we go backwards in time to our more caveman essence, that state of being we don’t need anymore, yet still crave deep within our viscera.
I know I do. When I have sex, most of my brain shuts off and I become a pure Alpha Male 1.0 caveman. I love it. I know not all men do this, though, since many women have told me most other men in their sexual pasts are very calm, reserved, and quiet during sex.
That sucks! That tells me that men aren’t enjoying sex nearly as much as they could. In my opinion, during sex is the only time as a man that you can truly cut loose and be as caveman insane as you want. This is particularly true if you’re having sex with a trusted woman who is on real birth control so a condom isn’t needed and you can gush inside her to your heart’s content. (I realize that’s not often the case, but you can still go crazy while wearing condoms too.)
Unless you’re engaged in regular martial arts / MMA, are active military in a war zone, or some kind of extreme thrillseeker (regularly doing things like skydiving, base jumping, sport climbing, etc) then you really have no other way of tapping into this core masculinity other than having sex. Yes, you can watch action movies or play violent video games, and those are all great, but it’s not the same thing.
That’s how important sex is. That’s why it’s important to let it all go and turn into a monster during sex. When you’re done having sex, go back to your normal, rational self. (I do.) But during sex, don’t worry about any of that. Sex is a gift… one of the last ones we have of its kind.